


Cold Hearts

by reaperlight



Category: Death Note, Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Movies), Death Note: Another Note
Genre: Ableism, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Character Swap, Angst, Angst and Humor, Asexual Character, Attempted Murder, Attempted Rape, Best Friends, Bets, Bickering, Bleach - Freeform, Bondage, Bullying, Candy Hearts, Capoeira, Chemicals, Chemistry, Closeted Character, Closets, Coming Out, Corruption, Cultural References, Cutting, Daddy Issues, Death Threat, Depression, Detectives, Dirty Jokes, Dreams, Dreams and Nightmares, Dubious Morality, Dysfunctional Family, Early in Canon, Emotional Manipulation, F/F, F/M, Fight Sex, Fluff and Angst, Forgiveness, French Kissing, Gay Character, Haunting, Healing, High School, Homophobia, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Imprisonment, Interrogation, Interspecies Adoption, It's Not Paranoia If They're Really Out To Get You, Kink Meme, Kissing, Lesbian Character, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Male-Female Friendship, Manipulation, Martial Arts, Matsuda Is An Idiot, Mental Health Issues, Meta, Mind Rape, Mother Figures, Multi, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Narcissism, Near Death Experience, Near Death Experiences, Nightmares, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Not What It Looks Like, Obsessive-Compulsive, Overachiever, Paradise Lost, Paranoia, Protectiveness, Psychological Torture, Recovery, Self Image, Sexism, Sexual Assault, Shinigami, Slash, Songfic, Souichiro's A+ Parenting, Stalking, Suicidal Thoughts, Teenage Drama, The Kira Taskforce Desperately Needs Workplace Sensitivity Training, The Probabilities of Love, Torture, Truth Serum, Walking Canes, Woobie Light, Wordcount: 30.000-50.000, Work In Progress, exactly what it looks like, facade - Freeform, girl in the closet, if you ever do anything to hurt him, mama bear - Freeform, mind in the gutter, minor canon character(s), nonkira Light, the atoner, wammy's house
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-09
Updated: 2015-09-13
Packaged: 2017-11-07 08:39:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 17
Words: 43,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/429058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reaperlight/pseuds/reaperlight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU After a brush with death Light resolves to catch Kira unaware that he is a suspect. LightxL, LxLight</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Rebirth

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I do not own Death Note. Death Note is the property of Ohba and Obata.
> 
> This is another one inspired by the kink meme: http://dn-kink2.livejournal.com/1491.html?thread=216275#t216275
> 
> This was also somewhat inspired by another fic called "The Probabilities of Love" which was never finished and is now sadly lost forever.
> 
> The main pairing will be Light/L, L/Light. (platonic, one-sided Rem/Light)
> 
> The title comes from a line in the song "Sweetness" by Paradise Lost: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrXFunXo1tg&feature=youtu.be

**"It's today, isn't it?"** Rem asked gently as she approached where Gelus was, as usual, moping by the viewing pool, watching the Human World. **"That human's last day alive..."**

As Gelus watched how the human laughed and chatted politely with some others as he went to school Gelus sighed dejectedly **"He seems so happy, so full of life... I wonder... Why today?"**

***

The human in question, one Light Yagami, had just been walking home from cram school that night when he was accosted by a strange, knife-wielding man.

"I'm always watching you! I want to protect you forever!"

Light did the sensible thing and ran for his life...

" _STOP IT!_ "

His assailant was much bigger and faster than him and soon had him trapped against the alley wall.

"If I can't have you... _NO ONE CAN!_ "

The knife came down.

***

 **"He's going to get stabbed to death? Woah! What a way to go!"** Rem exclaimed as she watched as the human in question sustained deep cuts on his arms as he attempted to block the assault, trying desperately to stay alive. Then she looked over and noticed that Gelus had his Death Note out and he was writing in it frantically.

**"Hey, stop it! What are you doing?"**

***

Light's entire form shook as he wheezed for breath where he was slumped, bleeding, against the alley wall. He struggled to remain standing as he looked warily over to where his attacker had collapsed. He had just stopped mid-slash and Light was still expected his eyes to snap back open and for him to come at him again like something out of a horror movie.

There was a flash of lightning and the sky began to weep. The rain mixed with his already weeping wounds. Light watched stupidly for a moment with detached fascination as his blood flowed down into the gutter before his survival instinct kicked in. He tore a scrap from his already ruined dress shirt and worked to stem the bleeding from the defensive wounds he had sustained on his arms and cautiously began to creep away from the scene.

Light had almost managed to calm himself when there was a sudden thump next to him. It wasn't a very loud thump but in his current state that alone nearly caused Light to have a heart attack. Light whipped around to see the source of the sound—and that didn't make sense! A notebook just fell out of the sky? But there it was—black, bound in leather, with a series of odd glyphs on the cover. The book just lay there innocently on the ground… untouched by the pouring rain and... was it slightly smoldering on the concrete? Light felt drawn to the book by an odd compulsion almost as if the book was... calling to him.

Light picked it up with a trembling hand... and screamed, tripped, and fell backwards when suddenly a large white monster was there looming over him having just appeared out of nowhere. Light desperately scuttled away even as he knew he was cornered here.

 **"Please! I'm not going to hurt you!"** entreated the creature.

 _Well,_ Light thought cheerily to himself. _Maybe I've finally gone off the deep end... or maybe my stalker poisoned the blade..._ because Light didn't really believe what he was seeing with his own eyes as he continued to stare, appraising the large white thing before him. It looked monstrous but intelligent... well it walked like a human, and it could speak, obviously. But it was NOT HUMAN. That much was apparent what with the scales and bony spines, Medusa-like purple-white hair and golden cat-like eyes... but mixed in were a few anthropomorphic traits. it looked like it was wearing... lipstick? And were those tattoos on its face? And golden hoop earrings dangled down from his? ...her? pointed-ears.

 **"I'm not going to hurt you,"** Rem insisted as she crouched down next to the terrified boy. **"You're safe now."**

Light just blinked slowly and repeated "Safe...?"

The monster seemed to reach out to him with a clawed hand, a worried expression on its face, but then seemed to think better of it.

 **"Light Yagami. I am the Shinigami Rem… and that notebook is my gift to you."**

_A Shinigami? A God of Death? And it says it's not going to hurt me? Why would it give me a notebook?_ When it slowly became clear he wasn't going to get attacked a second time that evening Light slowly got to his feet, with as much dignity as he could muster.

"Why? W-what is this?"

Other than the decorative cover it looked like nothing more than a normal college bound notebook.

**"That's a Death Note. The human whose name is written in it shall die."**

A... weapon? He was holding a murder weapon?

"But... why give this to me? What...?"

Light cracked it open to see a number of names written inside. Rem pointed with her claw, tapped at the last name written, and then glanced over to the cooling corpse of Light's stalker.

Light put two and two together and held the Death Note to his chest with trembling hands...

This is the thing that killed his attacker? The monster... it _saved him?_

 **"Later,"** Rem insisted. She was worried that she was only further traumatizing this young man. **"For now let's just get you home."**

"Home?" Light stumbled and the monster caught him. Light looked away, humiliated.

Up until tonight Light had been working under the assumption that he could take care of himself. If he just stuck with his life plans and endured the tedium nothing bad would ever happen—nothing that he couldn't overcome anyway... This night had shattered his sense of safety and trampled his pride... and now the creature had its arms around him and captured him in a protective hug.

This was _really_ awkward. Light really wanted to push it away because dammit! He _could_ take care of himself! He _could!_ He didn't need... (You almost died. You would have been stabbed to death by a knife wielding maniac and there was nothing you could have done. If not for... you would have...)

Light's survival instinct was still on high at the moment–somehow mouthing off to a God of Death, even a seemingly benevolent one, didn't seem like a very good idea. However the creature seemed to sense his discomfort and broke away. It looked him right in the eye.

 **"I will not hurt you, but I am bound to follow you."**

Well just because the monster was being polite and not killing him at the moment didn't necessarily mean Light wanted it to... _It followed me home, mom, can I keep it?_

Light sighed. He knew he had no way of stopping it from following him...

**"You're the only one who can see me, unless they touch the notebook…"**

Well... that was a relief...

Without really even thinking about it Light slid the notebook under his shirt, and tucked it into the waistband of his jeans out of sight—well it was a murder weapon after all and he didn't want anyone touching it now...

Light stood up straight and began to purposely make his way away from the scene... he absolutely _refused_ to acknowledge that he was now jumping at every shadow.

Rem sighed. _Such a prideful human. Still, it's what Gelus would have wanted..._ **"I will protect you."**

Light hated to admit it but he did feel a little better about that. In fact it might just make this whole "bond" thing worth his while—he could always sic his new monster friend on anyone else who tried to kill him.

"Do you want anything to eat?" Light asked the Shinigami in a low voice as they walked by some store fronts. It was probably the least he could do since it saved his life and all...

**"I do not require sustenance."**

Well, that was another plus, the Shinigami would cause him absolutely no trouble and... another thing occurred to Light.

"I don't think it's safe to talk to you in my house."

The Shinigami said nothing and just continued to watch over him; though it nodded in understanding.

Out of a slight feeling of guilt for having to snub the one that saved his life, Light felt the need to elaborate... "Because I _know_ someone has been in my room..."

It all started when Light was an impressionable six year old and had gotten into his father's case files and read all about _them..._ thieves, kidnappers, rapists, murderers...

It made for calming bedtime reading at the time but overall the collective effect was—it scared the shit out of him. That's when he began setting up the test on his door with the handle, the paper, and the pencil lead...

Intellectually he knew he was being paranoid. It's not like he kept anything of great value in his room and besides, who would be stupid enough to try anything against the son of the Chief of Police? But still going through that ritual made him feel better.

Or it did...

But then about a week ago Light found the door handle up, the pencil lead broken, and the paper stuck back in the door. At the time Light had just hoped that it was something like his little sister (or maybe one of her friends) had figured out what he was doing and was just trying to mess with him because the alternative meant that someone had been in his room… But now that he _had_ been attacked by an actual stalker that was all the confirmation he needed that he _wasn't_ just being paranoid— _They_ really were out to get him.

The only question left—was it the same stalker that was currently taking a dirt nap in some unnamed Tokyo alley or did he have another stalker?

Rem was looking at him questioningly.

Light wondered if he should explain... well it's not like the Shinigami could tell anyone and he couldn't exactly tell anyone else about it. If he brought up his concerns with anyone else they would want to know why he had all those tests on his door and his paranoia would come under question and...

Light had learned at an early age—he was expected to act a certain way and any... _abnormalities_ were bad and meant a trip to the psychologist with his parents and other adults glowering at him in disapproval. So from an early age Light learned how to play normal, all the while resenting the fact he was surrounded by absolute morons who couldn't behave themselves—really was it so hard? He made a conscious effort to behave himself, to achieve perfection every day of his life! Would it _kill_ them to do the same? And he had to dumb down _EVERYTHING_ just to communicate with these idiots—students and teachers alike.

Some days he wished they would all just die.

But now Light had that power—and it scared him...

"They didn't take anything so... they might have installed cameras and wiretaps..." Light explained to Rem why he thought he had another stalker...

**"I can check… if you want?"**

"Thank you," Light whispered grudgingly, awkwardly, and looked away. He was again in the Shinigami's debt and he still didn't even know _why_ it was helping him.

Light stopped at a department store to buy some medical supplies (making up a story about how he was attacked by a large dog to tell the clerks) and replace his ruined shirt. He then stopped at a public restroom to properly clean and bandage his wounds. There was no question. He would hide it. He would wear long-sleeve shirts until those wounds healed and he would never tell anyone about what actually happened tonight. The way Rem was looking at him was bad enough—he didn't want pity! He was going to be a detective one day, just like his father!

He couldn't afford to let them think he was so... _weak_ that he couldn't even defend himself against...

 _What have I really done with my life up to this point? Nothing! I've done nothing! I've achieved nothing! I'm just wasting away here! And if not for Rem I would have **died** today!_

Light laughed brokenly. _Here lies Light Yagami. He did nothing with his life. He was killed by a piece of cutlery._

Light saw the Shinigami looking at him with some concern reflected in the bathroom mirror.

"Rem... I am not ungrateful, but why? Why did you save me?" There must be some... _reason,_ some _purpose_ he was given this second chance?

 **"I didn't. It was Gelus."**

"Gelus?"

**"Promise, NEVER to repeat this to anyone."**

Light promised. He _could_ keep a secret.

Light felt sick with guilt as Rem related her tale. Rem's friend had _died_ for him. He never knew the guy, he never asked him to... and still...

 _I am literally living on borrowed time..._

Light felt even _guiltier_ for somehow expecting something more, he was seriously hoping for a moment there that he'd get a message like "you're the Chosen One, here's your purpose for living, you were meant to protect the weak and rid the world of evil—here have a magic sword."

Nope, his being alive followed no greater Plan. It was all arbitrary—in fact he was _meant_ to die tonight.

And, nope no magic sword either. Just a notebook that kills people... (well that's what a sword is used for too but anyway...)

No. He was only _still alive_ because for some unfathomable reason a Shinigami had taken a liking to him; _loved_ him enough to die for him.

 _Wait, Rem knows this and is still offering to protect me!_

Light revised that former idea of 'sic Rem on any knife wielding maniac that came along'—that would kill Rem! Here was another Shinigami that was offering to...

_I just... don't understand?_

Well that was another new experience for Light, another one that he did not like _at all._

Light removed the notebook from his ruined shirt and simply stared at it.

 **"I think Gelus would have wanted you to have it…"**

"How... how do you use it?"

Light had no intentions of becoming a murderer but the fact remained he was carrying a weapon. He needed to know the specs so that he knew of any potential dangers. Was there any danger of it "misfiring"? Was there any other price to holding it?

Rem explained the rules...

**"If you don't specify the cause of death the victim just dies of a heart attack..."**

Holy shit.

Kira.

Kira used a Death Note to commit his murders!

Light hadn't really thought about it before because he was preoccupied with the little fact that he had nearly been stabbed to death while walking home from school but...

"Is there another Shinigami and another Notebook in the Human World?"

 **"Yes. The Shinigami Ryuk. I don't know how or why but he somehow tricked the Shinigami King into letting him carry a second book and then he gave that notebook to a human."**

"Do you know who that human is?" _This! This is exactly what I've been looking for! Now I have a purpose—maybe with this information... I can help catch Kira!_

**"I don't and even if I knew I couldn't tell you, it's forbidden."**

"Forbidden..."

Upon seeing Light's scheming look Rem elaborated **"If I knew and I even tried to tell you, I'd die."**

Light sighed, "Fair enough."

Rem looked conflicted as she informed Light **"There is a way for a Notebook owner to instantly tell if another human has a notebook…"**

Light listened as Rem explained the Shinigami eye deal.

 _Yeah, my magic eyes "Detect Kira" like that would ever hold up in court. And for half my lifespan? I'm living on borrowed time as it is! Just how much did Gelus have? Would it be considered rude to ask? Does Rem even know? In any case I've been given this second chance. I shouldn't squander it._

"It's out of the question."

Rem looked relieved.

Meanwhile Light had finished bandaging himself up, returned his Death Note to its hiding place in the waistband of his jeans, and dressed himself in the new shirt having disposed of the bloody one. He checked himself in the mirror making sure there wasn't a hair out of line and he didn't look at all like a traumatized teenage boy who just survived a brush with death. Speaking of which...

Light smiled cheerily at the Shinigami.

"Well, Rem, let's go home."

Rem spread her leathery wings and lazily flapped along behind him.


	2. Closeted

"Honey, you're home late today..." Sachiko announced as Light came home; Rem floating in unseen behind him.

"Yeah, well you see I—" Before Light could finish that lie his mother held out her hands expectantly. "Oh right... calculus test."

"I've been waiting all day!"

Light made sure that the bandages were hidden under his shirt-sleeves as he listlessly handed his mother the paper.

"Goodness, number one again!"

"Yeah, I guess... I'm going to go study in my room now."

"I can't wait to tell the neighbors!"

Rem watched that little exchange and was slightly disturbed. She had only known Light for a short-while but even she could see that he was absolutely miserable... Yet it seemed his own mother couldn't see beyond his test score.

"Do you want anything, sweetie?"

"No I'm fine, mom. Thanks though..."

Light closed and locked the door and then sagged against it as the events of the day caught up with him.

Rem floated in through the wall and confirmed Light's suspicions.

**"You were right. There _are_ cameras in here… a lot of cameras. I've found six so far..." **

Light began to go about his normal routines—if he didn't his stalker would know that he was on to him. He shed out of his rain-drenched coat and took his shirt off, the notebook hidden in the wad of shirt thrown haphazardly in a pile on the floor. Light tried to hide his rising anxiety as Rem kept counting cameras.

Dammit, his stalker would see the bandages on his arms. There was no way to hide that under these circumstances. With his luck they'd probably think he was a cutter or something.

 _Wonderful._

_But who would be spying on me? Why? Why install this MANY cameras?_

This wasn't a typical mouth-breather. Your run-of-the-mill stalker couldn't AFFORD to install this many cameras...

Speaking of hiding things, Light concealed his Death Note in the clothes pile and covertly slid it into the lining of his favorite jacket as he fished around in the clothes pile, disguising the motion as searching...

"Ah, that's where I put my keys!"

Well... that was a slightly better than keeping it down the front of his pants but he definitely had to find a better hiding place... (Preferably something that didn't involve a booby trap that would blow up his house or leaving it out in the woods or something where any idiot could stumble upon it.)

Whatever he did—he didn't want his stalker knowing about it. It looked like he'd have to "find" one of the cameras and then show it to his father when he came home...

Part of the problem was he wasn't sure _what_ he wanted to do with the Notebook. It was dangerous to carry around but it was also dangerous to leave lying around and he didn't really want it out of his sight. On the one hand he wanted to help the investigation and turn it in to the police but... that idea didn't sit well—of letting someone else handle his Death Note. Light had no intention of using it but... could he trust anyone else _not_ to use it? His father maybe? That wasn't a conversation he was looking forward to...

But it had to be done.

Yeah, when his dad came home he'd go straight to him and share this information (if he ever came home—he'd been at work going on a week now, this was getting ridiculous.)

In any case, he'd have to show Rem to his father and whoever else was on the investigation to prove he wasn't lying or crazy and since he had no intention of breaking his promise to Rem... he'd have to make up some story about how he found the Death Note, that he just _accidentally_ happened to stumble upon Kira's powers and...

Yes, he'd share what he knew about the Death Note to help the investigation.

But he _couldn't_ hand over the notebook!

It was too dangerous! Some _rotten_ individual somewhere was sure to get the bright idea of turning it into a political tool...

Besides, it was _his,_ it was a gift! (Would Rem be offended if he gave it away?) And...

And the Notebook itself had an odd draw to it... it was _absurd._ It was like it was calling to him.

The very idea of parting with it was _painful._ Even now Light had an urge to go check on it, he wanted to get it out, to hold it, to write in it— _NO!_

That was something that hadn't really crossed his mind and now he was kicking himself because it really should have.

_Rem's so nice... but..._

_But what if the Notebook itself has a corrupting influence on the owner?_

_What if there was a... compulsion to kill?_

_Maybe I should turn it in... But then whoever else ends up holding it... wouldn't it do the same to them?_

Light ignored the screaming headache he was getting as he declared in his mind:

_I won't use it! I won't let anyone else use it!_

In any case he had to keep it at least for now because if he lost it or gave it up he'd forget everything he learned and... and he would lose Rem.

Light was finding that he enjoyed the Shinigami's company. He was quiet, he didn't bother him or make demands—in fact he was very helpful and promptly answered his questions, honestly Rem was quite possibly the first intelligent life he had ever encountered...

And Rem _listened._ He really listened to what Light had to say...

Just then Light noticed that Rem had paused in camera hunting and was staring at him as he wandered shirtless around his room.

Light glared at Rem and demanded "What?" and then hastily added "...am I going to do for that group project tomorrow..." in an exhausted tone.

Rem quickly looked away and... was the Shinigami _blushing?_ **"Sorry… Just… you are a very beautiful human. Any girl would… I may be dead… but I'm still female."**

 _Wait... Rem is a girl?_ Light looked away nervously and hastily put on a dry shirt.

Light had just assumed Rem was a guy because he... _she_ (this is going to take some getting used to) was... intelligent and easy to talk to. Granted his own experiences with girls were limited to his mother, his sister, and the shrieking idiots he went to school with but...

Rem is a girl... This... complicated things. Did this mean Rem had feelings for him? Did he dare begin with the "I think we should just be friends" speech or if he rejected her would she kill him? Would he... have to _date_ her? Sure he was grateful to Rem but she was, well, a monster and not in the least bit attractive. Not that that would have really made a difference even if she _was_ an attractive human girl. Light had absolutely no interest. He only dated those giggly morons because that was expected of an "ordinary high school senior" but he always considered it a drain on his time and energy. There were so many more important things he could be dong. In any case he would have to clear this up as soon as possible. Tomorrow, away from the cameras, he'd have to try and somehow persuade Rem not to fall in love with him—from the sound of things that wouldn't do her any good anyway (in fact it would be lethal).

Light sat at his desk and booted up his computer and rechecked the data he had previously compiled on Kira's killings but he didn't really learn anything new. He already had deduced that Kira needed a name and face to kill so... Kira didn't have the eyes. Though now that he knew that Kira could kill by means other than a heart attack... he should probably sort through all deaths in the Kanto region and see if there were any that were suspicious or stood out... he was dreading that, it would probably be just a lot of work for nothing but... someone had to do it. Light began that monumental task of compiling the data when his mother called him down to dinner.

**"I'll stay here and search for cameras…"**

Light subtly nodded and then went downstairs.

"Ooh! Hideki Ryuuga is so dreamy!" Sayu gushed at the television as Light sat down to eat. "And Misa-Misa! She's such a great actress!"

"Sayu, eat your dinner!" their mother scolded.

"I'll eat later! Wha—? Woah..."

"What is it?" Light asked when he heard his sister suddenly become serious.

"It says that Interpol is sending fifteen hundred investigators to Japan to hunt for Kira..."

 _Idiots!_ His father had told them that Kira found and killed the last group of investigators they sent in! So why would they send fifteen hundred agents to their deaths! Unless...

"Maybe it's a bluff to lure Kira out of hiding?" Light mused out loud.

"Eh?" His sister looked at him questioningly.

"I mean, think about it... those F.B.I. agents were killed by Kira, why would this be any different? It makes more sense if they're trying to shock Kira into revealing himself somehow. Anyway, I hope that's what that is... Otherwise... it's just stupid."

***  
Light returned to his room just as Rem floated in through the floor. **"Light, I searched the house and… Promise to stay calm?"**

What kind of question was that? Of course he would stay calm! He was calm, he was cool, he was controlled... (Except for when some crazed stalker was trying to stab him to death...) Light subtly nodded...

**"There is one camera in every _other_ room of the house... There are sixty four in your room." **

Light worked to control his breathing. (See? Calm, _totally_ calm... _oh GOD!_ )

_Obviously I'm dealing with a very rich... probably influential and powerful stalker... And how did he get **this many** in the house without dad knowing about it?_

_Unless..._

_Did L and the police instigate an illegal search to try and find Kira? Would they go that far?_

_But why were they in **our** house?_

It hit him like a ton of bricks.

It was something that hadn't really occurred to him before—but _he_ fit Kira's profile.

He was a highly intelligent student with a strong sense of justice... and now he too had Kira's... powers.

_But... I would never hurt... I would never kill anyone!_

_But sixty-four cameras just in my room! I'm not just a suspect. I'm their PRIME SUSPECT!_

Now he almost _had_ to find the real Kira first in order to clear his name...

 **"Light?"** Rem asked with concern.

Light had unconsciously began to fiddle with his bandages as he mulled over the fact he was probably suspected of mass homicide; all the while trying to ignore the incoming headache that he was developing from his stubbornly ignoring the siren call of a certain little black book.

And now his wounds had come open.

 _Just great._

Light inspected the damage in the bathroom. Well, it wasn't as bad as he feared. He re-bandaged his arm, figuring he could yet avoid a trip to the hospital. At the moment Light was more pissed off that he was being watched then that he was injured. There was no hiding it now, they would all know, they would all see his... _weakness._

Well, at least he would be able to confirm his suspicions. If and when his dad ever came home this week his father would no doubt at the very least act differently around him if he at any time saw the wounds.

But that left what to say if asked.

Somehow Light didn't think his dad, who knew full well what knife wounds looked like, would buy the dog-attack lie.

That left... the truth or at least a version of it... but he _really_ didn't want to. The outcome was so predictable—they would baby him, institute curfews, and ground him "for his own good." Why should he be punished for what someone else did (or rather tried to do) to him? That wasn't fair! Light refused to let an attempt on his life _ruin_ his life.

He'd learn from this experience! Yes, that was another thing to do tomorrow—sign up for self-defense classes...

And besides he wasn't powerless! He had Rem! He had the Notebook—

 _Which I will not use in any way, shape, or form!_

_That clinches it. I have to at least put it out of reach; it's too much of a temptation otherwise._

Tomorrow... he'd figure all that out tomorrow. Right now the bed had an even greater call than a certain black notebook.

Light began to change into his nightclothes... only to see Rem staring at him again.

"Do you mind—?" Light snapped but then remembered the cameras and turned it into a loud yawn.

**"I'm sorry..."**

That's right... Rem! What was he going to do with sleeping arrangements!

**"I don't need to sleep. If I'm making you uncomfortable I can wait outside…"**

Light sighed. _It's still raining outside and though it didn't seem to bother her in polite society we don't make our friends sit out in the rain!_

Light shook his head no and disguised the gesture by making it seem like he was shaking his head trying to stay awake a little bit longer.

Rem was troubled. She was supposed to stay near Light but it was clear that her staring bothered him...

 **"Then I'll just…"**

Light watched Rem from the corner of his eye as she hid herself away for the night... As he drifted off to sleep Light thought nonsensically, _I have a Shinigami girl staying in my closet. It's official. I'm living in a Shonen manga._


	3. Easy

Light looked around in a detached way. He was back in that alley, his attacker coming at him with the knife...

Light watched dispassionately as the knife cut into him again and again before he lashed out and snatched the knife away from his attacker, there was a crescendoing scream as Light turned the knife on his attacker and thrust it into the heart of his foe.

His opponent crumpled in front of him as Light slumped, horrified, against the wall, clutching the bloody knife in his hand.

_I… I KILLD him…_

_But he deserved it!_

_He was rotten!_

_He is… judged._

The knife suddenly turned into a little black book.

_But if I judge one…_

_I must judge them all._

Blood and ink stained his hands…

 _They're all rotten!_

_They all have to go…_

Light brought a pen to the page and began writing.

So many names… He couldn't stop…

 **"Light?"**

Light suddenly woke with a start as he suddenly felt a cold hand on his shoulder. Rem was there looming above him; looking down at him with concern.

 **"You were crying in your sleep."**

Light just sat in his bed trying to catch his breath for several minutes.

 _It would be SO EASY…_

***

"L, stay the fuck out of my way… STFU you fag… you're the evil one… go die in a fire."

L double-checked the suicide notes written in blood and yes, that was the message Kira had sent. Well, that wasn't nearly as sophisticated as he was somehow expecting from Kira. It actually made him begin to doubt his profile… Though that might have been what Kira was counting on and this message was an attempt to throw him off his trail.

 _No, it HAS to be Light Yagami. Who else could it be?_

***

Later and elsewhere that someone else has just heard that fifteen hundred investigators are entering Japan. Uncovering the identities of the FBI agents had been hard enough but now they were sending in fifteen hundred agents! This individual is now firing off an angry, anonymous e-mail to SakuraTV while ranting aloud:

"How many of you idiots do I have to kill before you understand that I'm _saving_ lives here? I'm a hero God dammit! You want me to be the bad guy? _You want me to be the bad guy?_ Then fine! I'll show you! I'll show you all what happens when you cross me!"

Ryuk cackled as he watched his human, _Too funny._

***  
L watched as Light returned home late at night looking more subdued than usual and he seemed to have suddenly developed an odd habit of talking to himself that he didn't have yesterday.

 _Very curious._

Light removed his shirt and revealed that his arms were bandaged up. Next to him the Chief sucked in a breath.

 _Now that's interesting…_ L thought. _Maybe someone somehow found out he was Kira and tried to kill him? Or maybe the guilt from being Kira has manifesting in such a way… Is he a cutter? Did he survive a suicide attempt?_

Light continued to dig himself deeper. L observed how Light worriedly, obsessively, sifted through all the public information on the Kira case.

L waited until Light sat down to eat dinner with his mother and sister and made sure the Kitamura's were watching as well when he sent out the order to have the broadcasters play his message so that he could watch Light's reaction…

_"Maybe it's a bluff to lure Kira out of hiding? I mean, think about it… those F.B.I. agents were killed by Kira, why would this be any different? It makes more sense if they're trying to shock Kira into revealing himself somehow. Anyway, I hope that's what that is… Otherwise… it's just stupid."_

L grinned around his thumb. _Gotcha._

"Your son is very clever…"

The Chief looked over at L not really liking where this was going. "Well… yes."

L noticed that when Light was back in his room and thought he was alone and unwatched he dropped his calm façade and looked really worried… and then there were the defensive wounds. Both L and the Chief recognized knife wounds. Those weren't there yesterday.

"When did that happen? Why didn't he say anything?" The Chief was ranting next to him

L concluded that someone must have tried to murder Light and he didn't report it. Why not report it unless he had something to hide? And who other than Kira could escape a situation like that unscathed?

L bit his thumb. It was almost… too easy…

L didn't move from his perch on the chair and just continued to watch Light all night as he slept restlessly and then woke in the middle of the night to some sort of night terror. It was obvious that something was weighing heavily on his mind.

Light was indeed a disturbed young man but the question remained if he was Kira. Light was a perfect match for Kira's profile—he was too perfect in his "normalcy," and he had the intelligence, the ego, the connections, the moral absolutism, and the budding sociopathy—L wasn't sure why he was beginning to doubt it. It was just a gut feeling but that paled in contrast with facts of the case.

And the facts were damning.

When L told the suspect's father that there was only a five percent chance that someone in those households was Kira (and by _someone_ he meant Light). That was a lie. He suspected Light with a ninety percent certainty. There was little doubt in L's mind—Light was the vigilante serial murderer known to the world as Kira. Getting evidence was the only remaining ten percent preventing L from saying that Light is Kira with absolute certainty and arresting him.

That and L knew that Kira could control the time of death so if he brought Light in it would only make him look innocent in the eyes of the officers (which included Light's father and family friends…) Besides L was enjoying the challenge, he didn't want to end the chase too soon, and he had yet to discover how Light killed...

The next day L watched as Light was at it again sitting in front of his computer…

"Woah seriously? The serial killer wall of death?" Matsuda commented as Light tacked more newspaper articles up on the wall. The Chief shot daggers at the rookie officer.

"Matsuda! He's just researching the Kira case!" The Chief defended.

 _But…_ L mused with some irritation, _Matsuda has a point. Light is so… obvious it almost makes me not want to believe…_

***  
The purple-haired Shinigami looked over Light's shoulder as he worked.

**"Hey, you! Why don't you go out and get some fresh air?"**

_Rem. You know I've got to do this to clear my name! And you know I can't talk in here!_

**"Do you really think Gelus would want you wasting your lifespan away locked up in your room?"**

_A guilt trip, really? I was wasting it before!_

**"All you ever do is work! Why don't you go hang out with your friends or something?"**

Light grunted but didn't look up from the article he was reading.

 **"Or… the people you pretend are your friends."**

_Whatever... Working here…_

**"Do you actually have any friends?"**

_You can shut up now._

Just then the door bell rang. It was Taro and Yamamoto from school…

 _See, Rem, I have friends…_

"Hey, Light, you know this latest assignment…"

"Please, please, _please_ buddy?"

Light sighed. "Okay, come on in…"

In order to keep Taro, and his lewd comments away from his innocent little sister, Light invited them up to his room...

"Woah, obsessive much?"

"It's just research…" Light defended.

"On Kira…"

"I'm just looking at patterns…"

Light rolled his eyes as they continued to make surprised and impressed noises. "It's just math… you know like that thing your refusing to do…"

"Seriously, how do you do all this and still stay at the top of the class?"

"When do you have time to do all this and…"

"Man, you suck! This is _totally effortless_ for you, isn't it?"

Light removed the math textbook from his book bag. "Do you want help with this or not?"

Taro held out his hand. "Answer key?"

Light rubbed the bridge of his nose "If you're just here to _copy_ my homework than please leave."

"Aw, don't be like that!"

"You're such a boy scout!"

Light made an annoyed sound. "You won't learn anything!"

"Please, Light!"

Light authoritatively pointed at the door and in a commanding voice shouted "Out!"

"Yes, your majesty," grumbled Taro.

Meanwhile Yamamoto had finally torn his eyes from Light's graphs and now was staring at him… and now they were "alone" in the room together.

Well, this was awkward.

Light hadn't really spoken with Yamamoto one-on-one since that "accident" in the boy's locker room...

"Hey, Light we should like… hang out later, you know?"

 _What's with the turn around?_ Light wasn't sure when he began to think aloud… "What? You don't call, you don't write… and you still haven't given me a New Year's card."

"Don't tell me you're still sore about that!"

Yes he was still sore about _that_ (he had been sore for days afterwards…)

Yamamoto just kept staring at him.

"Yamamoto, come on!" Taro called from the other room, "Maybe Ryo has the answer sheet!"

"Yeah, yeah, coming, Taro." Yamamoto turned back and said quietly "Talk later, promise?"

Light didn't look up from his work. "Yeah..."

Light glanced up from his work in time to see a flash of concern on Rem's face but before he could question her about it he was distracted by what was playing on the TV.

 _A message directly from Kira!_

Kira was saying that if the real L didn't appear on TV he'd kill all the heads of police agencies around the world one by one until he did…

 _Dad!_

_And Kira is JUST demanding that L show up on TV and isn't asking for his name…_

_Kira has the eyes!_

***  
 **Earlier**

The street gang chased their intended victim down an alleyway... an intended victim that, unknown to them, just happened to be Kira.

 _They're going to kill me!_ "Shit!"

It was a dead end; there was nowhere left to run.

Kira heard the clank of the metal pipe that they intended to use on his skull…

 _I have no choice…_

"Ryuk, I make the trade. Give me the goddamn eyes!"

As the crooks neared their intended victim he was scribbling frantically on a piece of paper.

"What'cha writing, you're last will and testament?"

"Heh, good one boss."

"No seriously," the leader opened his switchblade "I'm about to gut you like a fish. What could be so fucking important?"

The crook's chosen victim yelped as the paper was swiftly ripped away.

The crook, Shibumaru Takuo, whose name was inexplicably written on the scrap of paper along with the names of his underlings; gaped as suddenly a large, many-fanged monster was looming above them.

"Holy god what is that?"

"Takuo, what is it?"

Kira ducked behind the dumpster as the crook began shooting ineffectually at Ryuk until he and the others died of heart attacks forty seconds later.

"I'm sorry. You left me no choice," Kira never liked killing but it was… necessary. "And the Notebook is my only weapon."

Ryuk was rolling with laughter.

"What's so fucking funny?"

 **"You must realize, you would have survived, they only intended to scare you! Otherwise you wouldn't be alive right now."**

_No! I had no choice! They were evil! It was necessary! They would have hurt others! They would have killed others! I saved so many others by eliminating them! I'm a hero…_

***  
 _I have no choice._

Even if he was a suspect… after watching that broadcast Light knew he had to come forward; he had to trust in somebody sometime or he'd never get anywhere… and if he withheld this information it could put so many more lives in danger! The police, his father…

 _And it MUST be L watching…_

Light had long followed the legendary L—and he _had_ to have the truth…

So Light wrote down in his case notes in full view of the cameras:

 _It is possible for Kira to kill with just a face._

_Kira uses a Shinigami's weapon to commit his murders._

_Kira can kill by means other than a heart attack—"accident", "disease", "murder," and "suicide" are all valid causes of death._

_Kira can control his victims' actions for up to 23 days before they die._

There was no going back now…

 _L are you reading this?_

_I have come into possession of a weapon like Kira's._

_It may have a corrupting influence on the owner but if I give it up I'll forget everything I've learned._

_Please use this knowledge for the benefit of the Kira investigation._


	4. Nothing To Hide

**"Light, what are you doing?"** Rem demanded as she saw what Light had written in his case notes.

As with Gelus before, Rem was powerless to stop him and could only watch as her new friend penned his own doom.

Light leaned back in his chair, a defeated look on his face. He knew full well that he had just screwed himself over. He forced a grin as he left his notes on his desk.

"Hey Rem, want to play some video games?"

 **"But… we're on camera."**

"Exactly."

 **"Please, Light? This is foolishness!"**

"It's too late to stop it, it's done. Please, Rem? Just one game? We don't have long."

Rem sighed and picked up the proffered controller.

***

L's ice cream had fallen in his lap as he stared at the screen in shock as he watched what Light wrote in his case notes. Mr. Yagami wasn't fairing much better as Light proceeded to have a conversation with the empty air and then sat down next to the floating game controller to play video games with the invisible entity.

L bit his thumb until it bled.

_He knows that he's being watched? He knows he's a suspect? Yet he's coming forward with this information that is tantamount to a confession. He knows full well that if we decide he is Kira he'll be sentenced to death... maybe those cuts WERE from a suicide attempt._

_But the message Light is sending was quite clear "I'm not Kira, I am a cooperating witness."_

_What's worse is that that message feels... believable..._

_But that can't be! If Light isn't Kira... then who is the Kira I've been fighting all this time?_

_If... IF Light isn't the Kira I have been fighting then it's obvious it was the Kira broadcast that spurred Light to take this drastic action..._

_But what other purpose would it serve for Kira to so irredeemably incriminate himself like this?_

_Well, maybe that was what he was counting on us to think? Maybe he's trying to get close to me so that he can kill me. But he should know better than to think that L would come near a potential Kira after learning information like that!_

"Ryuuzaki..." The Chief still stood beside him, looking pale.

L sighed. "There's no choice. We have to bring him in..."

***  
Light continued to play video games with Rem until they heard the door bell ring.

Light was surprised to see just a couple of officers waiting at the front door instead of say, a whole SWAT team...

"Light Yagami, if you would come with me please," asked the guy with the afro in a perfectly pleasant tone that brooked no room for argument.

"Wait, what's this about?" Sachiko demanded she saw the strange men came to the door wanting to take her son away. Aizawa and Mogi showed their fake I.D.s.

"Dad's work, right?" Light asked. They nodded.

"I'm just helping with a case, mom... dad can tell you..." Light began when they steered him towards the door. "Uh... Should I get my notes?"

"No. You are to come with us immediately."

"I understand."

"Get in," the big guy motioned towards the waiting limo.

 _Well, either this really is L... or we're being abducted by the mafia._

"Wear this," they demanded.

Light put on the blindfold.

He grimaced at the feel of the handcuffs biting into his wrists but only felt a stab of fear when he felt the needle in his neck.

"We're giving you a sedative now. When you wake up, you can expect we'll have some questions for you."

"Yeah... okay..." Light muttered already getting really groggy. "Listen... you can't... show your... face..."

***  
Meanwhile L was watching everything, hearing everything, testing everything.

There was no point to sending in a secret assault team since he was expecting them to come. But now if Mogi and Aizawa suddenly dropped dead the case would be closed.

Light was totally cooperative and didn't try to fight it.

L hummed softly around his doughnut as he watched the monitors. "It looks like... this is exactly where he wants to be..."

_Just what are you planning, Light Yagami?_

The Chief scowled.

"My son can't be Kira! Why would Kira come forward to help the police?"

"Hmm… good question. I suppose we'll find out soon enough... The sedative wears off in an hour."

The Chief was even more eager to begin questioning than L was because he needed an alternate explanation.

***  
When Light awoke in total darkness and he felt a stab of fear.

_The blindfold. It's just the blindfold, right? Light still felt the bite of the handcuffs, and his movements were restrained..._

**"They've handcuffed you to a chair."**

"Yeah, I kind of figured that out for myself, thanks..."

 **"You knew this would happen."** It wasn't a question.

"Yes. It was inevitable..."

Meanwhile L watched as Light woke up and began talking to himself (?) or rather to the alleged invisible entity he had showed to the cameras with the floating game controller. L wondered how he pulled that off that trick and just what purpose was that supposed to serve other than further incriminating himself.

Sure Kira apparently killed through some seemingly supernatural means. But to suggest the existence of something like a Shinigami? L would only believe it if he saw it... and maybe not even then...

However as L continued to listen to one-side of the conversation he realized that this was either incredible acting or Light seemed to actually believe there was something there.

"Kira threatened my father! What would you have me do? The alternative means sitting back and watching the police officers get killed one by one!"

Light waited for several seconds and appeared to be listening to something. He gave a heavy sigh and added "I know it's going to be rough but I need you to not freak out, okay? ...No. you can't! No matter what happens to me... Promise me! ...I've just... I've just got to do this."

Rem sighed. **"Why must you be so stubborn?"**

Just then there was a screeching sound (a microphone) and a disembodied, filtered voice filled the room "Light-kun, may I ask who you're talking to?"

"Rem..." Light said quietly. He worked to steady himself and stay calm under these circumstances to answer that disembodied voice (it can only be L).

"What was that?" asked that mocking voice.

_He's trying to elicit a response but I won't give it to him._

"I was talking to Rem. She's a Shinigami."

"You really expect me to believe that?"

"Yes. In my jeans pocket there's a vial. In it is a piece of the weapon. If you touch it you can see and hear her."

Light had enough time to prepare that at least—it was just a fiber of paper torn from the book, not enough to write on by any stretch of the imagination but enough to prove his story...

L gaped at the monitors. "You brought physical evidence with you?"

No, it couldn't be this easy! This wasn't like Light Yagami. It wasn't like Kira...

"I was going to just show her to dad but then... that broadcast..."

"Mr. Matsui..."

Mastuda entered the cell and fumbled around in Light's pockets to retrieve the vial... while Light was restrained and blindfolded. This was really awkward...

Matsuda found it the small vial and inside was an even smaller fiber of something… it was so small it was hard to tell what it was for sure.

"Just touch that to see her," Light insisted.

"Mr. Matsui, you will do no such thing. Have Aihara-san take it to the lab and have it analyzed," The disembodied voice from the P.A. system ordered.

Light looked shocked and a little annoyed.

"Its complete nonsense for the investigator to take suggestions from the suspect," decreed the P.A. system.

Light sighed. "I understand."

"Are you ready to confess?"

Even with the blindfold covering up half his face L could read that resolute, defiant expression.

"I'm not Kira! I am a cooperating witness! Go on, ask me anything! I have nothing to hide!"

***  
L kept at it for hours but Light stuck with his story—and what a story it was:

 _"Well, you see the other day when I was walking home from school, I made a new friend. She's a Shinigami. She gave me a Shinigami's Weapon as a gift. No, I haven't tested it. The existence of the Shinigami was confirmation enough. No, I don't intend to use it. No I'm not turning it over—it's for your own good! Why? I told you I think it might corrupt the owner... If I give it to you, you could become Kira. I will not have that on my conscience!"_

It was a story that L recognized was full of holes but Light was sticking to it.

And it continued...

Light lost track of time. Hours were becoming days...

***  
"No, I'm still not Kira. I won't be Kira no matter how many times you ask me..."

"Light-kun is not taking this seriously."

"Light-kun is very serious," Light grumbled in frustration. "It's just that nobody is listening."

***

L took a brief break from his questioning to sit down and eat a whole box of doughnuts on his own when he saw the others gathering round. They looked angry. This was the final straw considering one of L's interrogation techniques involved "forgetting" to give the suspect any food or water for days at a time...

 _Here it comes..._

"Ryuuzaki, this is completely unreasonable!"

"Newly broadcast criminals are still dying, Ryuuzaki! My son is not Kira."

"Let him out!"

The others murmured in agreement of "He's not Kira!"

"He's still lying!" L shouted over them, his face was hidden beneath his fringe of bangs "And from what he told us there must be more than one "Shinigami weapon" out there. It's perfectly possible for Light to be a Kira..."

"You're contradicting yourself! You're own tests are showing he's not Kira! What's it going to take for you?" Aizawa shouted.

"I suppose... I have to find out what he's hiding. Because he _is_ hiding something…"

"Of course he's hiding something! He's a teenager!" Matsuda pointed out in a flash of insight.

"Light-kun lost any right to privacy the moment he agreed to this. If he's truly innocent, then he should have 'nothing to hide,' right?"

"He came forward as a cooperating witness!"

"He can't take much more of this..." stated Mogi as he watched how Light sagged against the restraints.

"He is Kira or he is connected to Kira. We will find out which it is," the others groaned in unison as L sounded like a broken record.

_I will discover your secrets..._

Even if it destroyed him.


	5. Bound

"Ryuuzaki!" Watari began over the intercom.

"I know. I heard," L said tersely. It seemed Kira was beginning to make good on his threat to kill the officers. _But he didn't go after the NPA and Mr. Yagami first? That's highly suspicious..._

 _Still even if Light isn't Kira... (No. If I assume that, I'll lose.)_

_He must have some connection to Kira..._

L's much abused thumb returned to its spot between his teeth.

Nothing added up. But he needed answers quickly.

But first... cake.

L padded into the kitchen but when he got there the cake wasn't in the fridge.

"Wha—?"

L pulled up footage of the kitchen to see who dared to steal his cake and was greeted with footage of… flying cake.

And that was only minutes ago...

The other cameras showed how the cake and a glass of milk went floating down the hall.

L gaped as he watched how the cake was just hovering there in the cell.

 _Light-kun stole my cake?_ L thought incredulously. Well he wondered why Light wasn't complaining about being hungry by now...

 _No, there was no way that could have been set up beforehand... There was no way for Light-kun to know about the cake. And if Light was Kira and has some psychic "far-seeing" power I would likely already be dead._

He would have to accept that there really was some other presence there with Light.

 _Shinigami do exist..._ L thought, horrified, _And its feeding Light my cake._

L stoically returned to the observation room and clicked on the intercom.

"Watari, is any of that paper scrap left over from testing?"

***

L sat in his hotel observation room, a neglected bowl of ice cream melting on the table in front of him, the vial sat in the palm of his hand.

 _"Touch it to see her!"_ Light had pleaded.

 _It could be a trap... it probably is but..._  
***  
Earlier when L was chasing his cake down he had attempted to communicate with the presence.

"Are you Rem?"

 _"YES"_ It had answered him by smearing a message on the wall in red cherry frosting. It was there for a scant few seconds before being smeared out again, at an angle that wouldn't be picked up by the cameras. The message was for him alone: _"RELEASE HIM, L LAWLIET."_

L wasn't sure if he imagined it or not when he felt something brush past him but he had felt the hairs stand up on the back of his neck.

"Ryuuzaki, are you alright?" Watari who as usual was watching on via the surveillance cameras phoned his ward.

L realized to his eternal embarrassment that he had screamed. L glowered at the crimson frosting smear. He did not take well to threats.

***  
 _...about this at least it seems Light is telling the truth..._ L thought as he crouched in his candy-striped pink and red comfy chair. Unnoticed behind him the others had arrived early today.

"Ryuuzaki..." Aizawa began.

Meanwhile on the monitors that poor kid was still chained up and blindfolded. It had been days. Matsuda clenched his fist and had a resolute look in his eye that as usual went unnoticed by the rest of the team.

"Is that...?" Mr. Yagami dared to hope when he saw the vial L had in hand.

"Yes... I was considering..." L began when Matsuda lunged for it.

"Matsuda!" the others scolded out of obligation but not very hard or with much enthusiasm as the rookie made a mad grab at the vial.

L deftly caught the vial as Matsuda fell on his ass.

"W-whoa!"

But the vial was already opened. In the tussle Matsuda had somehow got the fiber of paper into his hand. Matsuda had gone pale; his jaw was straining open and close trying to string the syllables together... "That's... that's got to be the Shinigami... it's... big."

"There really is something there?" Mr. Yagami gasped. "Is it hurting him?"

"No it's just... standing there."

On the monitors Light sagged against the bonds and continued mouthing his mantra of "just gotta get through this..." Light grimaced. His muscles were constantly screaming at him from the abuse of being stuck in this position for so many days. Still he refused to show just how much this hurt.

Matsuda saw the Shinigami run its hand through his hair before glaring angrily in the direction of the cameras. "It looks... worried."

"No adverse effects Matsuda?" L questioned.

"No..." Matsuda began, and after a moment becoming slightly incensed when he realized the implications that L saw him as a guinea pig.

L sighed. "If anything happens to me after I touch the paper, Light Yagami is Kira."

Matsuda passed him the fiber.

L sat their shell-shocked for a moment. In the meantime Matsuda passed the fiber around to the others.

Meanwhile L clicked the mike on.

"Shinigami… Rem was it? Why are you here?"

Light blinked slowly (though it didn't make much difference as he stared off into the dark of the blindfold) when his sluggish mind realized that L was not addressing him.

_They finally did what I suggested days ago..._

Light was so exhausted in every way.

Rem glared at the camera. She had half a mind to fly up to L's room and give him a piece of her mind. But she didn't want to leave Light, chained and blindfolded as he was, all alone in the dark.

**"You can see me—good. Then you know this boy is telling the truth! Release him!"**

"I do not..."

"Ryuuzaki!" shouted the others.

Rem spread wide her white leathery wings and flapped into the air making herself look bigger and more menacing as she growled out **"Release Light Yagami or I'll kill you."**

"Rem, stop it!" Light shouted and strained against the handcuffs.

"What's happening?" The Chief demanded and then took hold of the paper fiber and saw for himself.

L was about to respond when the Chief gave a startled cry.

"Dad?" Light shouted when the mike picked up his father's screaming.

"It's a monster!"

"Dad, it's alright! I told you! It's just Rem. She won't hurt you!" Light pleaded frantically.

 _That would make you suffer, wouldn't it?_ "Of course not."

" _GET AWAY FROM MY SON!_ " the Chief shouted.

"Dad, she doesn't hurt me! Please, stop this! She's my only friend!"

L blinked slowly at that. He had a confession but not the one he was looking for. Light was known to be very popular… he was very outgoing, he had _lots of friends,_ he led a _perfect life_ but now he's saying that he considers the Shinigami to be his only friend?

"You're bluffing," L addressed the Shinigami. " If you could kill me than wouldn't you have done so already?"

The Shinigami glanced at the bound boy. **"Light doesn't want me to. But if you continue to make him suffer like this I will."** Rem snarled.

"Rem, stop it! We're here because I'm trying to save them! If you kill them, all of this, it would be all for nothing!"

L stared down the Shinigami through the monitors. "Let Light know I do not respond well to threats. If anything happens to me Light will be executed as Kira."

 **"Light, they're talking about killing you!"**

"Just... no. _No one_ will be killing anyone!"

**"Light…"**

"If they'll just listen… it's worth it."

 **"Light… Please!"**

"Don't worry about it," Light whispered as he drooped against his restraints "I was supposed to die that day anyway."

L bit his thumb. Now he was getting somewhere. _Which day? What are you so guilty about? ...And Light has an obvious martyr complex..._

L silently raised the Kira percentage.

Subdued, Rem quietly landed and folded her wings, resuming her place at Light's side.

 **"As you wish."**

L blinked owlishly. "Can Light-kun control the Shinigami?"

"No I can't. She's just my friend, that's all."

L seemed very interested in his fudge sundae for a moment before trying again. "You didn't answer my question, Shinigami. Why are you here?"

 **"To protect Light Yagami,"** it answered bluntly.

L pondered for a moment. It seemed the Shinigami was far easier to trick than Light.

"Why? What's so special about Light? Is it because he is Kira?"

**"No. He is just special to me. He is innocent! So if you keep hurting him..."**

"Rem... please... That's not helping."

***  
"Ryuuzaki..." The others began again as L spooned his fudge. L sighed. The Shinigami just threatened his life so why were they still taking Light's side?

"You know death threats don't go far to demonstrating Light's innocence. All we've really determined is that the Shinigami is fiercely loyal to Light Yagami."

"Exactly! If Light really was Kira he could have had that Shinigami kill us at any time!" Aizawa pointed out.

"That's right," The Chief finally found his voice, from where he was slumped in his chair. Upon seeing Light's monster pal, Mr. Yagami had spontaneously gained a few white hairs. Matsuda looked concerned as he handed him a glass of ice water. The Chief was still looking rather pale... "At least... this proves he's innocent."

"It's been a week! You have no reason to keep him locked up anymore!"

"He is still a suspect," L said obstinately.

Aizawa stepped in front of L getting pissed. "You just don't want to admit you were wrong about Light!"

"Yes... I figured you'd say that."

"Come on, Ryuuzaki! Do the right thing and let him go!"

The others chimed their agreement.

L ignored them as he considered his options. He stared at the monitors where Light still sagged hopelessly against the restraints, the Shinigami looming behind him was glaring at the camera through narrowed eyes.

_Just when we were making progress… But I need answers quickly. Light obviously isn't telling us everything..._


	6. Hell

Pain was just part of his existence now. His senses were becoming dulled to everything. Perhaps he should be worried about that but really he was more concerned about maintaining his fraying sanity in the lines of L's relentless questioning. But even those verbal sparring matches were welcome compared to Nothingness—those times when L left him alone to rot in the dark—that was the worst thing—the boredom. Rem would sometimes tell him about the Shinigami world or some of the things she'd seen. That helped while away some of the time. But still his genius mind never stopped thinking, analyzing, processing information as he stared into the inky blackness of the blindfold.

_Kira is a student with a strong sense of justice… He is smart and covered his tracks... If only we could figure out how the FBI's names were leaked that might generate a lead..._

He was thinking in circles, obsessing over every detail, continually planning for the future—even if it looked like he didn't have one. It seemed unlikely L would ever let him out of here. But Light always was an optimist, often against his better judgment.

Also he had a final coming up.

Light wasn't sure why that should be as big a concern to his drifting mind as Kira, rogue Shinigami, and L but, he supposed it was the one thing he could hope to control the outcome of, provided he ever got out of here. (But should he be hoping that L release him before or after the test so he can wheedle the teachers into letting him take a make-up and thus have time to study? He could probably pass it regardless... _if_ L ever let him out of here.) In his boredom he had already run through all the rote memory exercises of the various formulae he had long since memorized, the periodic table, conjugating various verb forms, vocabulary list of the week... Yes, if L ever let him out he'd so ace that test (not that there was ever any doubt).

He knew the exact dimensions of the cell he was in. He could guess the make and model of the P.A. system L used to communicate with him and where the speakers were relative to him. The chair was steel, as were the cuffs. The third link was weaker than the others...

Light knew Rem would help him escape if he ever asked her but that would do nothing to help prove his innocence and would undermine everything he had so far sacrificed for.

Sometimes during the silent times when he would drift in that dark place, not quite sleeping, where he would build his own little world in his head. A happy place, a simple realm inspired by childhood stories where good was rewarded and evil was punished. And while he kept himself occupied with adventures ultimately everyone was safe and happy, because as the Hero and Creator of that world (of course he was the best warrior in the land, and sorcerer, and magician and…) it was _his_ world and he could do whatever he wanted and none of the fictional characters would ever dare to say otherwise. Perhaps he should be concerned he was spending so much time "there" or even that he thought of it as a "there" perhaps he was beginning to lose touch with reality...

He was just about to ride off to battle that obnoxious masked warrior that spoke in a buzzing mechanical voice that haunted his dreamscape again when he was jolted back to reality by the sound of his cell door screeching open.

"W-Watari?" The old man was his only visitor and if he was back again it could only mean he was going to receive either basic care like food and water (unlikely) or "preparations" for another round of questioning (more likely). Light hated how his voice sounded so weak when he asked, and also the instant the question had left his mouth he knew it was wrong. The visitor's footsteps sounded different. Instead of the steady tap of leather shoes the intruder padded in quietly... like he was barefoot (?)

"No" the other replied an even baritone. It was a voice Light didn't recognize.

Light managed to keep his breathing steady as he heard / felt the stranger's approach.

Rem let out a low growl.

"I'm going to unchain him now," the stranger said in a bland, placating tone.

_What's going on?_

Light didn't dare hope that L had actually agreed to release him. It had to be another trick or test, testing both his and Rem's reactions. Or maybe this guy was a member of the Taskforce acting on his own in which case he had to steal himself to decline any escape offers and stay here. He wanted out so bad but again to do so would undermine everything...

The chains fell away and Light sagged in his chair and then for a panicked moment he was falling when the stranger caught him. Light swore his heart skipped a beat as the stranger helped him gently to the ground.

 _So weak,_ Light cursed as he realized his muscles had become useless after being tied up for so long. Recovery was going to be a bitch. That is, if he was allowed it at all.

Swiftly and silently, long fingers dexterously lifted the blindfold and Light's namesake became a curse that burned his eyes. Intellectually He knew that the cell was dark but after being blindfolded for so many days even this dim light was painful.

Light let out an involuntary groan (and he heard Rem take a protective step closer.) Slowly his eyes focused on the strange man, his rescuer, who was currently holding him awkwardly in his lap. He was the first human contact he had been allowed in over a week. Maybe that's why he seemed to be the most beautiful person he had ever seen.

 _Yeah, let's go with that,_ Light thought as he openly stared at the pale face framed by a mane of shaggy black hair who stared back with _intense_ dark eyes...

"I am L." L watched a whole range of emotions flicking by on Light's face almost too quick to catch before he settled back on exhaustion.

_Why would L come down here himself? Does he feel he has nothing to lose in doing so? Still it seems very risky. It's as I thought—no doubt it's another test._

"I believe you. You're not Kira..." It was so much what Light wanted to hear...

 _Took you long enough!_

"No hard feelings right?" L asked and Light swore he heard a mocking note in his voice as he offered to shake his hand. Light gave the man who was torturing him for days a strained smile.

"Right..." and weakly accepted the proffered handshake. L continued to stare at him with his soul-piercing stare. _Surely the **normal** reaction would be to punch me in the face. Light Yagami. You are such a liar._

In one swift motion L stuck the needle in his arm.

"WHAT THE _HELL?_ "

Light made a feeble effort to get away but his atrophied muscles were no match for L who continued to hold him in his lap.

 **" _WHAT DID YOU DO?_ "** Rem roared. **" _IF YOU HURT HIM—_ "**

"Save your threats, Shinigami. Even if you kill me others will carry out my will and Light will be executed as Kira."

_"I'M NOT KIRA!"_

Rem roared in helpless rage.

"It won't hurt him, I promise," L assured.

 _"W-what did you stick me with?"_ Light couldn't hide his rising panic as the room seemed to swim and distort around the edges.

"It's nothing special. Just a little something that relaxes the subject and lowers inhibitions, it slows thought processes down making lying more difficult if not outright impossible—a new experience for you, I'm sure."

"A... truth serum?"

"I wonder… have you ever in your life told the truth?" _Who are you really Light Yagami? I suppose we will find out soon enough…_

Light gaped at the face of the stranger who a moment ago seemed his salvation but now his eyes seemed hard and cruel.

"L, please! I'm not lying!"

 **"He told you the truth!"** Rem hissed.

"And truth serums don't work! Testimony gained through them is inadmissible because the victim easily confuses fact with fantasy!"

 _He won't give up until I'm convicted as Kira!_

"Which is why I didn't want to have to resort to this; but I need answers quickly and I feel you have them. Though I don't think you _are_ Kira... Are you?

"No!"

"Hmm... But I believe you have some connection to Kira..."

"I don't! L, we've been over this. I've already told you _everything_ I know..."

"Perhaps... you do not know that you know…" L mused as Light began hyperventilating. "You're afraid," L noted astutely.

"Of course I'm afraid, you prick!"

 _Hmm it's already taking effect._ L observed; Light Yagami usually made an effort to be polite to everyone even to those accusing him of being a mass murderer. "It's just I've kept you here a week. You've never shown fear."

"Well forgive me for being human."

_I somehow doubt that...You're just too perfect..._

"Just... relax."

Rem's wings snapped in the air, taking the World's Greatest Detective off-guard and effectively gained his attention. **"L…"** Rem growled lowly.

"It _won't_ hurt him," L was quick to assure the monster.

"How can you be so sure?" Light demanded. "You just stick me with some drug—you don't know my medical history!"

"I do. I know _everything_ about you, Light-kun."

"Then you should know _I'm not Kira!_ "

L opened his mouth to speak but then the Shinigami cut in talking over whatever L was going to say (much to L's annoyance).

**"Light, I have vowed to protect you from stalkers and perverts. May I please kill him now?"**

_Pervert, what? No, what I said didn't sound perverted or stalker-ish at all, right?_ L thought as he continued to hold the weakened, drugged teenage boy in his lap. L went paler than usual. The Shinigami was not being rational. He already told it what would happen if it killed him. But would it kill him anyway?

"No, please Rem! You _can't!_ " Light insisted much to L's relief.

"It's only temporary," L added quickly. "It will wear off in about a half hour. If he isn't Kira or connected with Kira I promise I will end his confinement.

Rem glared hatefully. **"See that you do."**

Before L could say anything more his phone rang. He retrieved it from the pocket of his baggy jeans.

Light briefly wondered what could have L looking so shocked...

"Light... it's your father. He had a _heart attack?_ "

Drugged or not L never expected Light Yagami to break down sobbing, the boy's face was pressed wetly against his chest.

 _Well... shit._

_"Why couldn't you just listen?"_ Light shouted in angry, hopeless despair.

"My condolences."L said levelly, taken aback by Light's extreme show of emotion. Sure he was expecting Light to turn this into some cheesy "poor me" pity party but...

 _This seems... genuine. But the Kira I know wouldn't hesitate to kill his own father... But both Light and the Shinigami seemed genuinely shocked at the news. And when would he have had the opportunity? Are you really not Kira?_

L nervously bit his lip as the Shinigami loomed above them. L had no way of knowing Rem was forbidden from physically attacking him so he spoke quickly, more to assuage her than to comfort the sobbing teen. "Er... there, there..." Dammit, he was never good at this interpersonal stuff!

L waited for Light to calm down a bit (and for the drug to take hold) before asking "Light-kun. Can't you please tell me who Kira is?"

"I told you I don't know! I wish I knew but I don't. He killed my father. I wanna kill the sonnuvabitch myself," Light slurred weakly clenching his fist.

"That's only natural," L prodded.

But then Light seemed to realize what he said and to who, "Shouldn't. Not right! To even _think..._ They're bad thoughts." L was momentarily taken aback by Light's determined mantra of "I never used it. Not gonna use it!" through angry tears.

L frowned. He had to work quickly. It seemed the drugs were running their course faster than he anticipated. "Let's start at the beginning. How did you come to Kira's power?"

Light mumbled something about finding a weapon lying around much to L's annoyance. _He's still sticking to his story._

Well then L figured it was time to try a different tactic now that Light's defenses were down and he didn't have enough presence of mind to deny it...

"These cuts on your arms—how did you get them?" When Light began breathing raggedly L knew he had hit the jackpot. "Tell me!" L demanded.

"STOP IT!" Light shouted. L watched astounded as Light's eyes rolled back in his head and he let out a succession of pained cries.

 **"What are you doing to him, L?"** L balked a bit as Rem got in his face. **"Stop it or I will…"**

"Nothing! I'm not doing anything to him! He's having some kind of panic attack! A post-traumatic episode," L persuaded quickly. "The best thing for him would be to talk about it—if he's not Kira than he has to fear from this, Rem-sama. In fact talking about it would probably be the best thing for him."

"He's cutting me," Light whimpered. "It hurts... Please make him stop!"

"Who's cutting you, Light?"

"I don't know! I don't know him! I've never seen him before!"

"Where are you, what's happening?" L pressed for details as Light continued to thrash about seeing but not-seeing.

"I'm... I'm in an alley. It's dark. It's nighttime..."

"What are you _doing_ in a dark alley at night?" surely Light had more sense than that!

"Walking home from school! Stayed late studying... trains stopped. He wants me to... _no..._ "

"Wants you to do what, Light?"

Light clenched his eyes shut trying to block out the images, the memories.

"He wants to... he wants to... _rape_ me."

 **"Enough, Low—!"** Rem began to pronounce L's name aloud but stopped. L blanched. **"This is hurting him. You will stop."**

"Rem?" Light asked in a weak voice.

 **"I'm here,"** the Shinigami assured.

L noted how Light seemed to relax a bit when the monster crouched next to him.

"Shhh..."L ran his hands through Light's hair without even thinking about it. "Yes, Light-kun, Rem is here and so am I. No one's going to hurt you. You're safe."

The Shinigami drew Light into a hug which Light weakly returned. As Rem continued to glare hatefully at him L realized... "Did Rem save you that night?"

Light nodded.

"Is this true, Shinigami?"

 **"Yes. Light is under my protection. You know this."**

_Yes that makes sense. But..._

"Light-kun, why didn't you report it?"

 _"I'm not weak!"_ Light ground out as he staggered abruptly away from Rem who looked surprised and apologetic at her human's outburst.

L caught him before he lost his balance and did something like crack his head open on the concrete floor of the cell. "You shouldn't try to walk yet," L reminded him. Light turned away, humiliated.

L blinked in confusion at Light's outburst. He had imprisoned career killers who had cracked under L's interrogation techniques long before Light without having to resort to pharmaceutical assistance. Getting into his head was easily more of a challenge than B... Why ever would Light think that L thought he was— "I don't think you're weak, Light-kun."

"Yeah! NOT weak..." Light nodded dreamily but then a dark look passed over his face. "They would... Couldn't defend myself. _Dad..._ " Light cried.

L gritted his teeth. _We could have avoided all of this if you had just told me about this! Idiot!_

"Light-kun. Why do you lie all the time?" L asked in exasperation.

"Not lying!" Light slurred.

"You do! All the time! You pretend to be happy, perfect..."

" _Have_ to!"

" _WHY?_ " L repeated again.

The boy looked feral as he spat "Because if I'm not perfect they won't love me!"

 **"Oh Light…"** Rem whispered and reached out her hand... but fearing trampling on his independence again thought better of it.

L reeled as if he'd been struck. It was so _obvious._ He saw it time and again among the older recruits to Wammy's (that blonde kid immediately came to mind.) Geniuses like Light (like _him_ ), like the Wammy's kids, often had a whole host of psychological problems: feeling isolated, being emotionally neglected, and unable to relate to the people around them. Everyone fussed about _what_ they were doing but showed no concern for _how_ they were doing as a person. L knew this. It was a hard-won lesson taught by his first students, A and B. After which L had made sure to correct this in Wammy's own program.

"No one's perfect, Light-kun."

"I _have_ to..." Light groaned again.

L sighed as Light continued to babble near incoherently. It seemed the drugs worked too well. Even _he_ was having trouble making sense of Light's rant.

"Not normal. I have to be better! I'm a freak... not a killer... Sometime I wish I was..."

L gaped at his suspect. "Sometimes?"

"I have bad thoughts. Why does no one else try?"

L captured Light's chin with his thin, strong fingers and studied his face trying to get a reading on all this and forcing Light's attention back on him. "Do you _sometimes_ want to kill me?"

Even though he was drugged, even though L had locked him up and tortured him, L was still expecting a stream of protests...

Light cast his eyes aside. "I'm a bad person."

 _Light... you really aren't Kira?_

"No... I don't think so." L looked amused at the flash of annoyance on Light's face that L continued to disagree with him. But then it was gone and the teen simply smiled sleepily, and his gaze, unfocused, fell upon L's hair.

"Wanna touch it..." Light mumbled as he weakly lifted his hand and ran it through his cascading locks. "Soft..."

L naively ignored Light's "bizarre behavior" as he continued to study the drugged boy, unconsciously getting closer...

"You smell nice..." Light said in a hushed tone. L made a startled noise as Light closed the scant few inches between them and claimed his mouth with his.


	7. The Deal

L gaped shell-shocked at the boy who had just passed out in his arms after he... kissed him.

L's brain froze. _Why did he **do** that?_ L swallowed hard as he tried to come to some rationalization to Light's most _illogical_ action. _He was drugged and deprived of human contact for a week. It's perfectly natural he would... right?_ L thought furiously as he stared at the damn stubborn teen that had the nerve to be sleeping like an _angel_ in his arms. L scoffed at that, trying to ignore the sickly feeling that had taken up residence in the pit of his stomach ever since discovering he was _wrong._

No he wasn't _wrong_ per se; in fact his profile was spot on. Light was hiding something behind his mask of perfection—he was insecure, he was _damaged_ , he had a whole slew of mental issues—there was just one small problem... he wasn't Kira.

 _He was **supposed** to be Kira. I **wanted** him to be Kira. This intelligent, prideful, fascinating, beautiful... wait what?_ L glared in irritation at the sleeping boy. _You may not be Kira but you're no angel. How dare you?_

L was not built to handle emotions. In fact he was trained to ignore them, suppress them. He never claimed to be perfect but to find he had been so _wrong._ It left him feeling _stupid_ —and that left him with nothing.

His intelligence was all he had.

L admitted to himself, he had been a bit envious of what he saw as Light's perfect life. Growing up he would have gladly traded places with Light who had a family, friends, a stable home, regular meals... But Light had all those things but he wasn't better for it. He was _worse._ After everything L had been through it was just _sick_ that he was more psychologically sound then...

L had known many hardships throughout his life but in facing those hardships he had been challenged and in facing those challenges he had become stronger for it. Through those challenges he had learned, to his chagrin, humility, that he wasn't infallible. He was smarter than everyone else but even idiots sometimes have valid points—to his mortification he just had that lesson pounded into him again. (After all, he still didn't like losing.) But then Light's life wasn't so perfect-the teen had always been alone, his intelligence setting him apart even as he played the role of being an "ordinary student." L at least knew others like him existed, though he always saw them as threats. Light was no exception, even if he wasn't Kira, Light was very dangerous because he was so damn _confusing!_

He wanted badly to blame it all on the sleeping boy—he never claimed not to be petty and Light shared as much of the blame—if he had just _told_ him everything from the very beginning! But then that would be impossible for someone like Light. He would rather slowly drown than admit being out of his depth. In that way they were exactly the same...

L sighed and pulled out his cell phone "Watari, get the stretcher."

"Sir?"

"I am ending Light Yagami's confinement."

There was a pause on the other end that spoke volumes before Watari answered "Very well, sir."

L stood up easily carrying the younger man who felt practically weightless in his arms; even if Rem had been feeding him he had lost a lot of weight. As L carried him out of his cell and onto the stretcher he whispered a soft apology that really was only for the benefit of the boy in his arms, and not for that steady flap of leathery wings behind them...

The raven-haired man had somehow managed to undertake the awkward task of changing Light from his ruined clothes, the clothes he had worn throughout his confinement, into a hospital gown with minimum embarrassment (and maximum glaring from Light's self-appointed guardian). Though L couldn't help but stare throughout. He _couldn't._ After all, he was L, he was _always_ staring, always curious—he was just processing information—you never know when data such as how big Light is _down there_ or how tight he was _back there_ might become relevant to an investigation. He was just interested. Actually he wasn't sure _why_ he was when that was the very last thing he should be pondering but his eyes were drawn there nonetheless. He was honorable enough. It's not like he molested him in his sleep for crying out loud. Okay so maybe he had a little bit of trouble getting the pants off and had touched him more than was strictly necessary. But it's not like he was _trying_ to feel the curves of his ass.

L was mostly just aghast at how gaunt Light had become. L could feel his vertebrae right through his skin—he could almost pass for a Shinigami. L felt another pang of guilt. He'd pay for the hospital bills. And cake. Cake would help—cake solved everything.

L gently set Light in the bed and Watari set up the I.V. drip.

 _We'll keep close watch on him but Light is young and in good health. He should be able to bounce back from... what **I** did to him._ L felt sick. He had never been so wrong before.

Watari glanced between his ward, the suspect, and the watching monster. The elderly butler looked like there was something he wanted to say but L deflected having to have that conversation for the time being by quickly requesting information on the case. Watari no doubt saw through L's ploy but he left without a word.

The teen shuddered in his sleep. The Shinigami silently pulled the blanket up, tucking him into bed.

"L!"

Both the detective and Shinigami startled when Light called for him and grasped his hand in his sleep. The detective was thoroughly unnerved by this behavior. He couldn't handle this. He needed to get out...

L pried himself away from Light's demanding grip and with an air of finality began to make his way for the door when suddenly the Shinigami was there looming before him.

"Problem, Shinigami?"

**"You're just going to leave him?"**

L was confused. "Isn't this what you wanted?"

Rem folded her bony arms across her chest. **"All I want is for Light to be happy."**

"Well what do you expect me to do about it?" He had enough of his own baggage to deal with without having to take care of Light's!

 **"L Lawliet, I don't like you,"** the Shinigami snarled.

 _Well, that much is obvious._ L bit back his tongue.

**"...But for some unfathomable reason _he_ likes you, finds happiness in your presence. It would make him miserable if you were to leave him now."**

"This was never my intention..." L said quickly. "it's a psychological condition. Stockholm Syndrome..."

**"You _owe_ him."**

L sighed. "I know; I'll pay for therapy and..." L attempted to explain. Sure, maybe he felt a bit guilty for wrongfully imprisoning him... ( _very_ guilty actually. So much so it hurt to even _look_ at him) but whatever Light's problems were, they weren't _his_ problems-catching Kira was... He couldn't afford to screw around with Light! So he figured he'd just throw money at it and the problem would go away...

 **"Stay with him, L Lawliet,"** the Shinigami ordered.

L froze.

"What?"

 **"Here's the Deal. Make him happy and I _won't_ kill you,"** the Shinigami decreed.

Just when L thought that at least he no longer had that hanging over his head he might as well have been handed down a death sentence. How did Rem expect to make him happy when...

"He's clinically depressed! How do you expect me to make him happy?"

Rem gave him a _look_ and the memory from moments ago he had already been trying to forget returned unbidden _"You smell nice"_ and the feeling of soft lips moving against his own. His own imagination began to work against him as he recalled in perfect detail Light's naked form and exactly where that could lead...

L felt himself getting hot as he exclaimed "Oh, _come on!_ That... that was _nothing!_ "

 **"That was not _nothing!_ "** Rem roared. L startled and stumbled back falling to the floor when the Shinigami spread her wings wide, making herself look bigger. Her lips drew back to bare her fangs, her claws outstretched... L recognized this behavior as an obvious scare tactic but damn if it didn't work. To his embarassment he maybe cowered a little bit before the Shinigami's wrath. **"That was an act of _love._ "**

Rem was furious. A Shinigami could be sent into _Agony_ for doing the same... A Shinigami could _die_ for doing the same and this human had the nerve to call it... **"That was NOT _nothing!_ "**

"Okay..." L said flatly. _Am I understanding this correctly? The Shinigami wants me to be Light's **boyfriend?**_

Sexuality wasn't even the issue. As far as L was concerned he didn't have one. Even if Light was a girl he still wouldn't consider it. He was L. L couldn't afford to have attachments clouding his judgment. He didn't have _friends._ He most certainly didn't have... Because L wasn't a person; L was a cause, a letter. He was L the Detective and that's all he could ever be.

But L was _never wrong._ L could never be wrong...

 _How could I have made such a grievous error? I'm not worthy of my own title. Must I atone for this too?_

**"He _loves_ you!"** The Shinigami insisted.

L had to stop from rolling his eyes. It was just his luck to have encountered a Shinigami that was a hopeless romantic.

"He obviously wasn't in his right mind when he..."

The Shinigami's eyes became hard. **"I see... your _truth serum_ would be enough to convict him but not to convince you of his feelings?"**

L cringed.

 **" _You_ seemed to enjoy yourself,"** Rem pointed out reasonably.

"That's not the issue!" L sputtered.

 **"I think it is."** The Shinigami's bones creaked as she crouched down so they were at eye level. Rem forced L to look at her, her eyes softening a bit as she asked

**"So tell me, how do _you_ feel about it?"**

"Is there an answer that _won't_ get me killed?" L asked bitterly.

**"How about the _truth?_ "**

L squeezed his hands into fists and looked away "Just looking at him… makes me _sick!_ " L hissed. "I-I did that to him... I..."

 **"Then you should be the one to make it right,"** Rem insisted sternly.

"I can't! Regardless how nice it felt... _Wait what am I thinking?_ How would you even know if Light was _happy_ anyway? When his pain is so well hidden to begin with? How could you even TELL with him?"

**"If anyone could, it would be you."**

L startled when Rem answered him. He hadn't been aware he had been thinking aloud.

It went to show how unnerved he was by this whole proposition. L didn't even like _human contact._ And the Shinigami wanted him to...

**"I just want Light to be happy. That's all. Or is the _Great L_ not up to that simple task?"**

This monster was mocking him? L glared at the monster from beneath his fringe of dark hair and announced with determination "I'll make him happy!"

**"See that you do."**

"I _will!_ Just watch me!"

He would not lose.

Perhaps this was the best way to keep him close. Even without Rem's ultimatum Light still had Kira's weapon and Rem knew his true name. It was foolish to ever think he could just wash his hands of this.

_It not like the Shinigami made me do anything I wouldn't do anyway. Light is an important witness to this investigation. Besides even though he's not Kira my profile wasn't wrong. He's a serial killer waiting to happen. He really should remain under my observation._

L crouched at Light's bedside as the teen stirred fretfully in his sleep. Without really thinking about it, L lightly pushed Light's soft brown sweat-drenched hair from his sleeping face.

No, he couldn't leave him alone.


	8. Hate You So

As the vile, looming shades of the Army of Evil converged all around them Light the Ninja Warrior hollered to his faithful Shinigami companion "Quick Rem! Pass me my sword!" But Rem was nowhere to be found and then Light remembered he had given his sword away. "Where's my magic sword?"

"I don't know, Light where _IS_ your magic sword?"

Light jolted awake at the sound of L's amused voice.

"Wha—?" Light blinked confusedly against the brightness of the fluorescent lights and white walls—he was in a hospital from the look of it—yes, his senses were assaulted by the hospital smells on top of his own breath which tasted of rot. Light realized to his shame that he must look like hell—he hadn't been allowed basic hygiene for over a week.

"You were talking in your sleep, Light-kun." L pointed out needlessly. "A magic sword, huh?"

L pondered that perhaps _THAT_ was that what the Shinigami weapon was? But that would be rather hard to conceal though, wouldn't it? They had already determined that the fiber Light had provided was some kind of paper which contained elements not of this earth. It must have been that unknown element that made it deadly because in any case a paper sword, hell a paper weapon of any kind didn't sound very threatening... unless it was death by a hundred paper cuts. But for that matter how could _paper_ produce heart attacks? _I really need to see this weapon for myself and in order to do that I need to win Light Yagami's trust._

"What?" Light muttered defensively, his voice still groggy with sleep. "Magic swords are cool."

Light blinked, disoriented, when he saw L looming above him. L had started out crouching in the chair at Light's bedside but had essentially crawled into the bed with Light when the teen began muttering in his sleep. But Light now had the disturbing image in his head (that was also confusing, his stomach began to tie in knots) of the dark penetrating orbs of the detective's eyes scrutinized him as he slept, his thumb pressed against his soft lips... Light paled as he remembered the feeling of L's soft lips against his...

 _Oh shit!_ Light stared up at where L remained invading his personal space and Light's breath came faster. _That wasn't real, was it? That couldn't be—!_ But Light knew by the slight smirk on L's face that it was. _Why did I...? How could I...? I'm not—!_ Light suddenly felt very exposed in just the papery hospital gown under L's all-seeing stare; L, his captor, who was far too close for comfort. Light wondered idly if it was possible to die of humiliation. _He won't try anything._ Light reassured himself. _Not with Rem here._

The Shinigami stood there, mutely watching them across the room, a stern expression on her face.

"Light-kun, how are you feeling?"

"I—"Light was suddenly hit by a wave of nausea L just barely gave him the trashcan in time.

L had been expecting that—he knew the after-effects of the drugs were not pleasant. "Are you alright, Light-kun?"

"Does it... look... like I'm alright?" Light grumbled between bouts of horrific dry heaving.

"I'm sorry," the detective said quietly.

Light glanced up from wiping his mouth on his sleeve, a surprised and incredulous expression on his face. "You're... _sorry?_ "

"Very sorry," the detective insisted. Light noted how he wouldn't even look at him when he said the words.

Light took in a calming breath. _Things happened just as I expected they would happen when I came forward with this information. (Well, except for that last part where I KISSED him! What the HELL was I...? No, that couldn't have happened! It had to have been a dream... But then why did I DREAM it?)_

_I expected they wouldn't believe me and it was inevitable that I would become a suspect. It's just that I thought that L would figure it out sooner. (If only he did! My father...)_

Light sighed again. _L isn't God. I guess I'm just upset that he doesn't live up to the image I somehow had of him. The world is far from perfect and reality does not always live up to one's expectation. L is rude, stubborn, selfish, and arrogant but he's not a bad person. He was only trying to do the right thing._

_"I'm sorry..." He apologized. I never really expected L to apologize. It never even occurred to me that L might make a mistake. In any case it's over and done with and it's utterly pointless getting mad about it now..._

"Alright," said Light as he began to struggle his way out of the bed.

 _"What?"_ L whirled around and was staring at him like he was some kind of alien lifeform.

"I accept your apology. Now let's catch Kira!"

L continued to stare. Light fidgeted, uncomfortably. "Light-kun..." the detective began and stopped again. L was very hard to read but his posture was... different from the way he was in the cell. He seemed weighed down, perhaps with something akin to guilt. "You are the most repressed person I've ever met."

"What is _that_ supposed to mean?"

The detective sighed. "The doctor's said you shouldn't strain yourself but I suppose there's something you should know. Your father is down the hall."

 _My father... he's still alive? You LIED to me about..._

" _YOU SON OF A BITCH!_ " Light shouted as he put his fist in L's face. Though Light was still weak from his ordeal he still managed to put enough force behind it to send the detective sprawling. Under any other circumstance L would have given him an answering foot in the face. However at the moment L didn't dare retaliate because 1) Light's body was still weakened and he could do him serious harm 2) if he hurt Light then Rem would murder him 3) maybe, _just maybe_ , he deserved that...

"That _hurt._ " L grumbled but at the same time he was astounded that he had finally gotten a reaction like this. He was beginning to think that Light's politeness knew no limits. L rubbed his sore jaw and winced at Rem's glare. Oh yes, operation "make Light happy" was off to a terrific start...

Meanwhile Light had already managed to stagger his way down the hospital hallway, using his moveable IV stand and the wall for support. Every step was sheer agony—his muscles were screaming at him from lack of use—but he kept going out of sheer stubbornness while Rem hovered anxiously behind him.

**"Light, are you all right?"**

The teen glanced behind him and noticed how worried Rem looked. "Yeah, I'm fine or rather, I will be. Don't worry about it." The ever perceptive Shinigami detected the sullen note in Light's voice.

**"Light, what's the matter? You know you can tell me anything."**

Light sighed _I'm not "repressed"!_ "It's just L. He's _infuriating!_ I mean, _how could he?_ How _could_ he lie about my father? How—? The... _asshole!_ It makes me want to scream. I just... I _HATE_ that guy!"

 **"You do?"** The Shinigami asked in obvious confusion.

 _Do I?_ "Of course I do! He's a lying, manipulative, egotistical, selfish, stubborn _bastard! ...WHAT?_ " Light demanded when he saw the way that Rem was staring at him.

**"But, it's just... you kissed him."**

Light stopped in stunned silence. _Shit. That WAS real?_ He unconsciously lifted his hand to his lips.

 **"But if he is upsetting you and you want me to kill him..."** Rem offered.

" _NO!_ " Light shouted with such ferocity it startled the Shinigami. The teen seemed embarrassed by his own outburst. He composed himself and continued in an even tone "I mean... no, that's not necessary, Rem."

**"I see."**

Light eyed his friend warily as he hastily explained "Just because I can't stand the guy doesn't mean I want him dead! He's an amazing detective—the BEST. I need to work with him to catch Kira. Don't you see if we don't it would all be for _nothing._ "

**"Yes, I didn't think you'd want me to."**

Light looked at the Shinigami in disbelief. "Then why did you even say it?"

**"Because you don't hate him."**

_Uh, yeah. I'm pretty sure I do..._ "Oh really? What makes you say that?"

**"If you truly hated him you wouldn't trust in him like this or value his opinion. You wouldn't even want to be around him after what he's done."**

The teen paused in his labored steps, leaning against the wall for support; an utterly mystified expression crept across his face. Rem was right. His reaction was strange. (She had noticed his reaction was strange and if she noticed than L was sure to have noticed... Had he just put more suspicion back on himself by acting this way?) Even after L locked him up, lied to him about his father ( _betrayed_ him like that) he was still looking forward to working with L—but that was just because he wanted to catch Kira! And... L is interesting. He only met the detective twice in person though he had long admired his work and the man, even with all his faults, was admirable too...

**"You don't hate him. You _like_ him and that's why it hurts."**

Light again covered his mouth with his hand, this time as if to try and stop the giggles that were bubbling up from deep within his throat. He began to laugh, a disturbing sound that was very fake, very loud, and very Light—it nearly covered up another sound the teen was making that sounded suspiciously like sobbing.

"Ah Rem," Light chided between bouts of "giggling," "I guess you still don't understand human beings!" The teen declared as he resumed his pained journey down the hall.

 **"I suppose,"** Rem conceded and simply resumed watching her charge in mute silence.

"...and it didn't mean anything..." Light huffed indignantly, more to himself than to his audience. "...I was under the influence of L's rolfies, _that's all!_ "

"That's a rather tasteless comparison, Light-kun. I did nothing of the sort to you," said L.

"Oh _God!_ " Light groaned. Rem helped steady Light and kept him from stumbling as he again leaned against the wall for support.

 _Just how long was L following us, listening in?_

Light slowly turned around to see the detective walking towards him, wheeling a wheelchair.

" _Why_ are you following me?"

"I only wish to assure your safety, Light-kun. You really shouldn't strain yourself so soon."

"And whose fault is that?"

"It will be yours if you don't follow the doctor's instructions. You're not proving anything by hurting yourself. Now if Light-kun would be so kind as to get in the damned chair, then I'll take you to your father."

"I've had enough sitting for a while, thank you," Light replied archly.

"I'm afraid I must insist. Light-kun must realize he's an important witness to this investigation. I must not allow you to come to harm and I need to monitor you for your safety. I bought this hospital for that purpose."

Light stared. _He bought the hospital? Seriously?_

"You are in my protective custody. I have chosen to end your confinement on the good faith that you will tell me what I need to know and turn over Kira's weapon."

Light gritted his teeth. "You know I can't do that!"

L narrowed his eyes and stated coldly "I no longer consider you a suspect though you _are_ obstructing my investigation by withholding crucial information. If I wanted to I could continue your confinement on those grounds alone."

"Of course I'll assist with this investigation in whatever way I can but I can't in good conscience turn over the weapon!"

"You see, Light-kun I cannot in good conscious unleash someone who owns such a weapon out into the world."

"Protective custody my ass! I'm still a prisoner! The only difference is I'm not tied to a chair," Light grumbled glumly. "Unbelievable! You know, for a moment there, I thought you might have changed into a decent human being. But no, you're still an arrogant prick!"

"You can view me however you like. But do know that I never meant to mislead you about your father. They just told me he had a heart attack. Naturally I assumed— I'm sorry. I understand why you must _hate me._ "

Light felt a twinge of guilt. "It's... it's okay. L I—I don't hate you."

The detective stared with his usual poker face. "That's good Light-kun because I don't hate you too."

The teen reluctantly staggered his way over to sit in the wheelchair.

"Fine! Take me then!" Light commanded imperiously to cover his embarrassment.

The detective's smirking didn't go unnoticed by Light.

 _What the hell is that about?_

To Light's annoyance L didn't begin pushing the chair right away but instead paused to fish something out of the pocket of his jeans.

"Care for a lollipop?"

Light raised an eyebrow at the offered treat. It was oversized, hot pink, and heart-shaped.

"You must be hungry and I hear that hospital food is atrocious."

 _Does he mean anything by it? Is he making some sort of symbolic statement with this offer? Or is it just a lollipop? Am I over-thinking this? Maybe it was just a matter of the candy leftover from Valentine's Day was on sale. No, someone with L's power and resources-he can get anything he wants..._

Light analyzed that statement again and found himself growing hotter. Of course Light had just finished convincing himself he didn't really have those feelings and even if he did L would never return them... And sure, he liked and admired the detective but he didn't like him _that_ way. At least he was pretty sure he didn't...

 _Kissing under the influence doesn't count!_

Light didn't even like sweets but hidden meanings aside, now that Light had gotten over his nausea, he was too hungry to care.

"Thanks." Light accepted L's candy and L began pushing the wheelchair. "You know... I know we've got off to a bad start but maybe we could still be friends?" Light hated how an almost pleading note had entered his voice.

"A friend.." the detective considered. "You know, I've never had a friend before..." the detective began as he wheeled Light down the hallway. Rem spread her pale batwings and flapped along behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N:** _In canon during the Yotsuba arc Light forgives L **awfully fast** , all things considered and is quite thrilled about the prospect of working with L. This leads me to two conclusions 1) Light really likes L, at least when he's innocent. 2) He's got some major issues even when he's not, you know, killing people._


	9. For Kicks

L paused in his wheeling Light down the hospital corridors when there was a sudden commotion in the hall ahead of them.

"Chief, you need to rest!" exclaimed Aizawa.

"My son needs me!"

" _Dad!_ "

" _Light!_ "

Both stumbled out of their wheelchairs and down the hall as fast as they could to meet each other halfway.

 _Like father, like son._ L sighed as the nurses attempted to break up the touching father-son reunion. The detective left the wheelchair (and Light) in the care of one of the nurses and shuffled away—he felt he had no place in this family moment and he doubted his presence would be appreciated (not after what he had done.) Of course he would keep an eye on everything that was said and done on the monitors but honestly L needed some space to think… or maybe it would be more accurate to say 'not think,' to calm the swirling thoughts that had become tainted with emotion.

To his annoyance Rem followed him.

"Shouldn't you stay with Light?" L grumbled.

The Shinigami gazed down at him with those strangely emotive yellow feline eyes.

**"I need to stay close to Light, but that's within a certain range—around a hundred meters. My appearance clearly disturbs his father and that would make Light unhappy. Neither of them deserves this."**

_But I do?_

L locked eyes with the condemning stare of the Shinigami and then suddenly became interested in the floor tiles.

 _Perhaps I do…_

***

L's foot again slammed into the punching bag. The chain creaked as the red bag swung back and forth from where it hung from the ceiling.

 _How could I be so wrong?_

Not only was Light innocent but he had wasted so much time and they were back to square one!

 _I tortured an innocent and I have nothing to show for it._

**_Bam!_** L spun around and hit the bag again so hard that the bag nearly slammed into the ceiling.

Alright, that wasn't completely true—they now knew a bit more about Kira's powers—the scant bit of information they had been able to glean from talking with Light and Rem. But they were still no further in discovering Kira's identity.

 _I'm not worthy of my own title._ L brooded as he swung around and kicked again. _Light, why couldn't you have just been Kira?_

"Watari said I'd find you here."

L startled and turned towards the doorway in shock (and nearly got hit by the bag as it swung back on the chain.) There was Light, standing tall and proud—even in that stupid papery hospital gown.

Light seemed to be putting up a grand show that he was alright. Indeed, he looked better than alright—the teen looked _menacing_ even with the Shinigami looming protectively behind him. L recognized Light's actions immediately for what they were—an act meant to salvage his pride…

"Should you really be up and around?"

That he asked was probably equal parts concern and a petty desire to trample the younger man's pride. L couldn't help it—the haughty teen had so much of it…

 _He has no right to pretend nothing is wrong after what happened—after what **I** did to him!_

"I've done enough sitting for a while, thanks," Light replied acerbically before he bowed and limped his way into the detective's makeshift dojo, his new cane tapping on the tiles as he walked. Light had managed to bargain with the nurses to let him make do with a cane instead of a wheelchair or a walker—his pride had been wounded far worse than his body and he was eager to begin the healing process. Light got around well enough by staying close to the walls and Rem was there to help him when he stumbled. Every step was agony but it was important to keep moving—of course Light knew from the outset that physical therapy wasn't going to be any fun but if he went easy on himself he'd never get better.

L winced guiltily and looked away. "How's your father?"

At the mere mention of his father Light's haughty act crumbled away. He stared at the floor, his bangs falling in his face, but the detective could tell from the teen's body language that he was obviously distressed.

Light had never meant to hurt him—he had only thought it was his own life he was gambling with—he never considered how his actions might hurt his father. That seemed impossible. His father was just… his father! The Chief of Police—stern, strong, and distant—as if anything could ever get to him! He had never even stopped to think about the stress he was putting his father through.

"Light…"

"The doctor says he'll be alright but he needs to rest."

"Oh?" L shifted awkwardly and in an idiosyncratic motion scratched the back of his left leg with the toenails of his other foot. "…That's good."

Light clenched his fists in anguish as he thought: _Will he really rest though with Kira still out there? No. He'll work himself to death!_ "L… We really need to catch Kira!"

The detective gave him a blank look. "Yes Light-kun, I believe we've already decided that that would be the best course of action… and please call me Ryuuzaki."

"So what are we doing _here, Ryuuzaki?_ "

"I'm… depressed."

"What? Depressed?"

What did L have to be depressed about? He wasn't the one that was left to rot in solitary confinement! If anyone had a right to be depressed…

"Surely Light-kun can understand why…"

"Well, we're not going to catch Kira moping around here! Officers are still dying!"

"That's why I'm depressed. You see all this time I thought you were Kira…" L pouted. "I wanted y—" L abruptly stopped midsentence when he glanced back and once again saw Rem hovering protectively behind Light and remembered the Shinigami's words _"If you hurt him, I will kill you."_

_Crap…_

L usually didn't bother to edit himself and just blurted out whatever was on his mind. He never really had to worry about other people's feelings before… Other people's feelings—that was one mystery that the great detective L shied away from and hadn't a clue how to solve.

"You _wanted_ me to be Kira," Light finished his sentence for him and looked like he wanted to punch him for that.

 _He won't though,_ L grinned bitterly to himself, _No doubt by the time he staggers over here he'll realize that I have my guard up. He saw what I did to that bag—and he must know he's in no condition for a physical altercation..._

L seemed to dismiss the approaching teen and turned his attention back to the bag. He was getting ready to kick again when Light struck, sweeping L's feet out from under him with the cane. L yelped and fell backwards but the teen caught him (and somehow managed to avoid collapsing) before the detective could fall and hurt himself. The detective spun around and stopped himself just short of kicking Light in the jaw when he again was sent a dangerous glare from the Shinigami.

"What was that for?"

"I think you know why!"

"I didn't say it!" L snapped defensively.

Light's grip tightened around his shoulders and stared at him, eyes ablaze with righteous fury. L wasn't at all comfortable with that, or the physical contact.

"But you were going to! You _want_ me to be Kira!"

"…Yes... _No._ Light I—I _wanted_ you to be Kira, but I don't mean it the way you think!"

"What other way is there? You _want_ me to be a _mass-murderer!_ "

"No. I just… I wanted Light-kun… I assure you _it's nothing personal!_ "

Light watched in shock as it appeared that the great detective actually seemed rather flustered. He didn't know that Rem's presence alone demanded that L explain himself—and that L never had to explain himself to anybody before and because this was all so screwed up, and Light made him feel so guilty, and he still had no leads, and this conversation wasn't making Light happy in any sense of the word...

"If anything I meant it as a compliment!"

"What? A… compliment?" Light was so shocked he let go of his death grip and L took the opportunity to get back some space as he continued his rambling:

"Light-kun… I wanted you to be Kira because I am childish like that, I hate losing, and I find you fascinating, Light-kun."

The teen scoffed "You only found me 'fascinating' because you thought I was Kira! I know my life is not that interesting," the teen smiled weakly.

"Light-kun is plenty fascinating anyway," the detective assured.

"I still fail to see how you wanting me to be Kira is supposed to be a compliment!"

"You don't understand. I like a challenge. Most criminals are depressingly stupid and most cases are distressingly easy. This is the most challenging case of my career. I had hoped it was you because not only then would I have a suspect but I had hoped to play against someone as brilliant as you."

Light gaped at detective. The teen was always being told how brilliant he was by everyone around him but being called brilliant by _L?_ That was a whole different level—that was indeed a compliment. The detective smiled cutely as he watched how the lightest beginnings of a blush spread across the younger man's cheeks. However in that same sentence the detective had said something else that Light found irksome: "P-Play? This isn't a game, Ryuuzaki! People are dying!"

 _Like father, like son._ L sighed again. How predictable—of course the Chief was an honorable man but being "honorable" wasn't what L needed to do to win…

 _Now if you were Kira you'd be more interesting..._ L sulked. If not for the damned Shinigami's meddling he probably wouldn't have had anything to do with this annoyingly idealistic teen…

_"You only found me 'fascinating' because you thought I was Kira!"_

_Oh crap. He's right. I'm doomed._

"Of course, Light-kun. People are always dying. Surely you're Shinigami can tell you that everyone dies sometime whether we act or not. It's sheer arrogance to assume that you can change that."

The teen looked like he'd been slapped in the face but instead of storming off like L figured he would the teen only gritted his teeth and drew closer. A strange thrill went through the detective when the teen refused to back down.

"I might be arrogant but at least I'm still _trying!_ "

 _You should have been my adversary._ L looked away and Light could see the curvature of the detective's back, as if he carried the burden of the world on his shoulders.

 _Well he's L—the world's greatest detective—of course he does!_

"I'm actually glad you're not Kira, Light-kun, because if you were Kira… you'd probably beat me."

Light looked very disturbed by the detective's words. " _Don't talk like that!_ I'm not Kira! And you're L, aren't you? The man who's solved the world's toughest cases! You've answered some of the world's greatest mysteries!" Light again grabbed him by the shoulders and looked him right in the eye and insisted _"No one could ever beat you!"_

L stared disbelieving into the younger man's earnest face and remembered the Shinigami's words: _"He loves you!" Well…_ L thought in wry amusement _I have a fanboy in any case..._ The smile disappeared as quickly as it came because L knew firsthand how dangerous fanboys could be.

"I'm sorry, Light-kun… for everything. I'm sorry about… _whatIdidtoyou_ and I'm sorry I'm not what you think I am. Light-kun, I don't do this because I think it will make any sort of difference. I solve cases—that's all. There's always another criminal—that will never change. This world is rotten and no one can ever hope to change that. No... I only solve cases because I'm bored."

It was a long shot but the detective figured if he could attack the boy's obvious idealism maybe he could make Light become… disinterested in him then perhaps he would be absolved of any responsibility for the troubled teen because clearly making Light happy would be impossible…

Instead Light only recognized his own despair. _L said he was depressed… he's still upset about… Oh no, I've been so selfish!_

"Ryuuzaki… you know I don't blame you, right? I think you just did what you thought you had to do. _I forgive you."_

The detective looked at the teen, aghast. "Light-kun… _Why can't you just be a bastard?_ " Not only does he turn out innocent but he has to act like a freaking saint! It made L look and feel like a bully. "Really, _what is WRONG with you?_ "

"Excuse me?"

"I kept you locked up! Get angry, hit me, yell at me, _something!_ Just don't say—"

"But… I meant it!" Of course he did, that's what made it so infuriating. "You just made a mistake!" the teen insisted.

"L doesn't make mistakes!"

Light rolled his eyes. "Now who's being arrogant? You're human, aren't you? Even I realized I fit the profile perfectly. If I was in your position even I would have suspected me…"

"Don't… I'm not supposed to make mistakes! _I'm not worthy of my title!_ " In a rare show of emotion the normally stoical detective growled and slammed the ball of his foot into the bag again.

"Your… title?"

L sighed "I suppose there's no harm in telling you—even if you are working with Kira then you and your Shinigami friend may know even if you kill me—that there will always be an L. L is a title, an idea, not a person."

"But _YOU_ are a person."

L noticed the hand on his shoulder and the look of concern. Stockholm Syndrome—that had to be it. How else could the teen he had kept imprisoned become so… _attached_ to him so fast?

L locked eyes with Rem as he informed them. "I am expendable, I always have been. Hypothetically if you were Kira and were to have me killed all that would happen was the next L would arrest you…"

"That again? Dammit, Ryuuzaki! Stop talking about dying! You're not going to die now and I'm not Kira—get that through your head! Look, I see where you're coming from. I know you're depressed and I know you're upset about being wrong but _so what?_ You just made a mistake! It can happen to anyone! No one's going to make you fall on your sword! You know why? Because you're not expendable! I don't care what you or anyone says—you are _irreplaceable!_ "

"Light-kun…"

The detective's throat went dry as the younger man who should by all rights hate him argued so passionately on his behalf.

"That's not true, I—"

"I don't care how many other Ls there are! _They'd suck!_ They wouldn't be _you._ Ryuuzaki, the taskforce needs you; _I need you_ … to solve this case."

"We don't even have a suspect…"

"Then we'd better get to work, right? It's just a setback, nothing more. I know you can do it. We can do it! We _will_ do it!"

 _So infuriating!_ To L, Light was an annoying, boundless fount of optimism and he seemed incapable of realizing when everything's gone to hell. Still L didn't dare to take his anger out on the teen so he took it out on the bag and this time the bag _did_ hit the ceiling.

The teen watched wide-eyed. "That's—that's really impressive, Ryuuzaki. What style is that?"

"Capoeira. It's a form of Brazilian martial arts."

"Cool!"

L fidgeted awkwardly as the teen continued to make impressed noises.

"C-could you maybe teach me?"

L sent the teen another blank look. "Why would Light-kun need it? He has a Shinigami to take care of him."

Light had wanted to learn some form of self-defense ever since that night in the alley when he almost died but he never seemed to have time...

_"Please?"_

"…Light-kun should take it easy until he's recovered…" L began but saw that the teen had already set his cane aside. He was able to (weakly) stand on his own and was already trying to copy his moves.

L sighed. _Just what I need. Another B._

No, L amended, this wasn't the same. B developed his obsession because he believed L spurned him. L didn't exactly have that option with Light. He found he didn't exactly _want to_ either—though L found the teen to be a bit irritating he wasn't exactly _repulsive_ in fact L found he enjoyed arguing with him—watching that perfect mask slip and Light get all ruffled, it was a delightful experience—like finding the cream filling in the center of a delicious treat. It's just that L wasn't supposed to have such emotional weaknesses and the idea of having a… _relationship_ of any sort with anyone was… _strange_ to the detective.

"No! Stand like this…" L rationalized that if Light was so eager to learn it than he best learn it correctly, that's all. "Like _this!_ " L insisted as he moved up behind him and put his hands on the teen's hips adjusting his stance. The detective swallowed hard when he realized, awkwardly, that all that stood between his hands and the teen's bare skin was that thin, papery hospital gown. Dammit, didn't he send the taskforce to retrieve Light's personal effects? Where the hell were they?

Meanwhile Light, still weakened from his ordeal, tried to copy L's move—his foot hit the bag… the bag barely moved and Light cried out as unfamiliar pain shot into his foot.

***

Heavy breathing, grunting, and the occasional cry of pain could be heard through the wall.

_"Well, that was disappointing, Light-kun."_

_"What do you expect? It's my first time!"_

"Er… maybe we should come back later…" Matsuda murmured, his cheeks turning bright red.

Aizawa looked like he was about to have a vein pop out of his forehead "Don't be a pervert! There's no way they're doing what you think they're doing!"

Matsuda grinned. "Wanna bet?"

***

"Hey, I can learn anything! It's not my fault your teaching sucks."

"Do you want to learn this or not? Do it _this_ way!" L demanded, as he again grabbed the younger man causing Light to become overbalanced and they both ended up in a tangled heap on the floor with Light on top of him, straddling his hips in a very compromising position—their faces scant inches apart.

They both froze, their chests rose and fell as they both panted hard—the sweet and spicy smell of each other's sweat filling their nostrils—as they stared deep into each other's eyes.

 _I… we shouldn't…_ Came Light's halting thoughts but it felt so good he couldn't find the will to move.

Light thought for sure that L would just kick him off but instead rolled them over so that he was on top and then closed the gap between them, aggressively claiming the younger man's mouth with his own. They were both sloppy and inexperienced but more than made up for it in enthusiasm.

 _What the hell is L doing with his tongue?_ The teen tried and failed to suppress the low moan as the older man moved his body against his as he explored every corner of Light's mouth with his tongue. Light's weak pawing at the other man's chest only spurring him on as he continued plundering his mouth until it became necessary to come up for air. But L didn't stop in his attack; the teen couldn't stop himself from making a soft whine as L began slowly running his tongue over Light's throat. Meanwhile, Light felt a hand dipping down beneath the folds of his hospital gown…

That's what the investigators saw when they peaked in the door before the Shinigami seemed to pop up out of nowhere to block their view, though they could still hear them:

_"Ryu-Ryuuzaki!"_

"Oh Light!"

A glare from the Shinigami suggested strongly that they give them their privacy.

"HA! I knew it! Pay up!" Matsuda crowed triumphantly once they were down the hall and out of earshot.

Aizawa grumbled but got out his wallet.


	10. Bait

Some hours later Mogi silently dropped off their former prisoner's personal effects at his room and quickly excused himself. That he had just walked in on the great detective L and the chief's son in a rather compromising position and affirmed that Matsuda wasn't exaggerating might have had something to do with it.

Mogi quickened his pace when the Shinigami floated through the wall to glare at him; her lips drawing back into a snarl. Damn, they all gave him the creeps. 

***

Light smiled as the detective leaned over his shoulder, his long, spidery fingers clasped around his arm and his warm chest pressed against his back. Light could swear he could feel the other man's heartbeat, even through his clothes-perhaps he should tell L to cut back on the sugar but then he wasn't feeling particularly suicidal at the moment. Of course the teen had quickly discovered that the detective had absolutely no sense of propriety, or personal space but he also found he didn't mind terribly. This-it felt nice. Though it was a bit disturbing how closely the detective studied his every action.

L watched in bemusement at how upon getting his stuff back the first thing Light did was to put his watch on with overly dramatic enthusiasm. The detective cringed-the way the metal glinted against the teen's skin reminded L, cruelly, of a handcuff. Perhaps Light was right when he accused him of having a bondage fetish. There was only one way to test that. Maybe one day, if he played his cards right, Light (and Rem) would eventually let him. Eventually. The detective might have been tactless but even he knew that to ask that of Light now, right after he kept the teen in chains for a week, would probably be in poor form. 

"Hmmm Light sure seems attached to that watch. Could this be the Shinigami weapon?" L mumbled obnoxiously while shoveling candies into his mouth from a bag which he seemed to procure from nowhere. 

Sure watches and paper didn't intuitively go together but it just seemed strange how the teen seemed to be so attached to it. He removed it from the evidence bag with such care, looking into the clock face almost reverently (and L wondered if it was healthy to be jealous of inanimate objects.) 

"Do you really think I'd be stupid enough to carry it with me?" 

"Not stupid, no-I thought maybe you were counting on me to make that assumption and so decided to bring it with you because that's the last place I would look because Light-kun is too smart to make a move that stupid." 

"Er thanks. I think," Light replied but L was still staring at his watch. Instinctively, Light drew his hand, and the watch, protectively to his chest. 

"Maybe it acts like a special decoder ring? Or a Shinigami summoning device?"

"It's just a watch, Ryuuzaki. It has no special powers other than the ability to tell time. It's only special to me because my father gave it to me as a graduation present. I always wear this watch-I missed having it. I feel naked without it." 

L looked thoughtful as he slurped up a gummy worm. "So you've felt naked all this time?" the detective asked with a pervy grin. 

Light scowled in response and behind him the Shinigami wore an almost identical expression. L might've found that sight funnier if it wasn't likely to get him killed. 

"Oh lighten up, will you Light?" 

"Must you be such a pervert?" 

"Yes," replied the strange panda man, attempting to belie his brutal honesty words by smiling cutely. "Don't give me that look, I know you like it." L's smile widened as the teen flushed furiously. The younger man suppressed a groan as L slurped up another candy suggestively-L had shown him exactly what he could do with that marvelous dirty mouth of his. 

"So, does it open up and have a prize inside? Hmm maybe if I take off the back casing..." 

"If I discover you've been dismantling my father's watch I will murder you." Light said, sounding deadly serious. 

"Would you really?" L asked in a pitiful tone, while he slouched beside him, looking so very hurt-Light reeled at that. He had been joking, or trying to-unfortunately he found his jokes didn't carry well and so after a while he had stopped trying. Perhaps his sense of humor was just too morbid for most people. Come to think of it the only person he could to ever smile at his jokes was Rem... He hadn't meant to hurt the Great L with his words, nor had he thought he was so powerful as to do so. Light forced a smile, adopted a lighter tone, and hoped he wasn't just digging himself deeper: "Well, maybe that's going a bit far" he said, relenting "But I would at the very least spit in your cake."

L froze in horror. " _You monster!_ How could?! To make such a threat against poor innocent cake?!" 

For a moment Light thought for sure he was being serious until he caught the amusement in the other's eyes. That's when Light realized L was "joking" too. How incredible, to actually find another human being who actually understood and shared his brand of humor.  
Light reluctantly tore his gaze away from the mysterious depths of the other man's eyes and turned his attention back to the evidence bag to retrieve his cell phone. Light was surprised to discover that his inbox was full. Light idly scrolled down through many hundreds of texts and voice mails-most of them from Taro and Yamamoto. 

"How strange," Light thought out loud. 

Perhaps it was true that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Maybe his "friend" had somehow sensed that he had found someone else and had come crawling back-Light found this to be highly unlikely seeing as the last time they had actually talked about it Yamamoto had laughed in his face, called it a mistake, and insisted that he had just been "fooling around" and that despite all evidence to the contrary he was, in fact, 100% straight.

"What is it?" L asked while obnoxiously swiping his cell phone away. The teen's eyebrow twitched at the detective's apparent kleptomania. The quirky genius tilted his head to the side a curious dog as he examined his prize, lifting it up with the tips of his thumb and forefinger as if Light's phone was contaminated by a deadly disease.

Light shrugged in response to L's question. "It's just some of my classmates. They must really want help on their homework assignments." 

***

An air of awkwardness hung over the taskforce... well, even more than usual, after Matsuda broke the code of silence: "I think it's kind of cute how they finish each other's sentences." 

"Er... Which one who do you think is the wife?"

"Light," several voices declared in unison. 

"Don't let the Chief here you say that-he'll have your head." 

"Why Light?" 

"Seriously? He must condition his hair!" 

"So? _I_ condition my hair"

There followed the sounds of the other taskforce members snickering and being most immature. 

"Enough with the gay jokes! I don't want to hear any more of your idiotic stereotypes or speculation on who's doing who! This is a serious investigation and if the Chief heard you talking about his son like that--" 

"Hi, Aizawa-san." L announced their presence and the taskforce fell guiltily silent as he, Light, the Chief, and Light's overly protective Shinigami friend entered the private hospital waiting room where the other officers were waiting around the water cooler a.k.a. the new task force headquarters. 

Light was looking well-physically, anyway-as to be expected now that he was no longer a prisoner he was clean and dressed well for the meeting; he still had a hard road to recovery but he was young and he should recover quickly though the mental trauma must be more pronounced than they thought. The Chief's son seemed an intelligent individual so it was hard to believe he'd willingly enter into a relationship with the same bastard who so abused him. Aizawa found that aspect more disturbing than the fact that it was their boss and the Chief's son or even that it was a homosexual relationship. 

Looming immediately behind the teen was the Shinigami-ominous as ever. Everyone found the creature's presence quite unnerving (well, everyone but Light who apparently found the creature's presence calming. Aizawa shuddered; he was sure Light wasn't Kira but there was definitely something _off_ about that kid-no offense to the Chief) but as L pointed out she was their resident expert on Shinigami powers, and since it answered all of their questions it was permitted to stay.

And then Ryuuzaki... was Ryuuzaki. Except that the weird genius appeared to be in a dangerously good mood. The Chief came in behind them. He seemed to have gained a few more grey hairs but he just seemed kind of resigned to the whole thing. It wasn't lost on the investigative skills of the taskforce to notice that Light and L's fingers were intertwined. 

"Oh, I'm sorry that offends you," L said when one of the taskforce members felt the need to loudly complain about it-and so he draped himself over Light in a much more suggestive fashion in order to "help" him to his seat. 

Aizawa looked like he was going to lose it and Light put up a token protest seeing as he had indeed mastered walking with the cane but L just couldn't help it-it was just too easy to get a rise out of all of them. 

The rest of the taskforce watched warily as Light and L sat together on the couch in quiet domesticity. It was amazing how Light managed to make even that ugly green sofa look like throne with him sitting in it regally and Ryuuzaki sat beside him in his trademarked crouch. Ever since Light had been released from captivity they might as well have been chained at the wrist. It was always Light, L, and the creature-they had become a unit of their own, the genii babbling complexities that the rest of them couldn't ever hope to follow, though surprisingly the Shinigami occasionally gave them useful input. She didn't say much other than to chat with Light or to answer their questions about Shinigami powers but she would sometimes help Light and L carry things like the heavy pile of paperwork that L had decided to bring along for the taskforce's sake. Matsuda the professional slacker moaned in despair when he saw the sheer size of the stack of paperwork and Mogi the workaholic sat at the edge of his seat, drooling in anticipation. 

"Do you think it's Stockholm Syndrome?" whispered one of the officers when one of them whispered about how the genii sat so close together on the couch. 

"I'm well aware of the causes and effects of Stockholm Syndrome therefore I am unlikely to be affected." The officer (Ukita he believed his name was) froze up when Light answered him, apparently having forgotten that the target of their conversation was now in the room with them. "In all honestly I liked L even before he locked me up and I still like him because really, I anticipated something like this would happen but I saw no way around it. I don't blame L for doing his job and neither should you and while I realize that you are all so enamored with my personal life, Aizawa-san is right, we really need to focus on catching Kira." Light said in a casual tone before taking a sip of his tea. It was irksome to the teen after he sacrificed so much to save their lives that the very people who were supposed to be the best and brightest investigators who were supposed to be catching a mass murderer would rather gossip about his position in bed. 

L took advantage of the taskforce's stunned silence to get the meeting started by explaining the case so far and scribbling on the coffee table with a permanent marker. Light looked askance at this but none of the officers looked the least bit perturbed by this behavior-apparently this was normal for L. 

"We deduced that Kira likely has a police connection seeing how the pattern of the killing changed as soon as we deduced that Kira was a student" 

Light suddenly paled. "When was that?"

L noticed that the teen looked haunted (which in effect he was). The detective looked at him askance. "Do you have something to share with the rest of us, Light-kun?"

"It all depends on the timing..." Light went paler when L confirmed his fears. "I-I deduced the same thing and please understand that Kira is _the topic_ at school and I got called on to talk about it in English class and..." 

"You shared your theories on Kira with your English class?" 

"Well yes."

There was much groaning, face palming, and desk slamming from the rest of the taskforce. 

"LIGHT! _WHY?! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!_ " roared the chief and the normally confident teen shrunk in on himself in the face of his father's rage. 

"I understand. At the time Light-kun had had no connection with the case nor was he privy to any of our information. Yagami-san, you didn't tell him NOT to talk about it, correct?"

The Chief sighed. "I only told him that _I_ couldn't talk about it. I never imagined that..." 

"You never thought that Light-kun might make the same deduction?"

"Well, no. He's just a student!"

L pinched the bridge of his nose. The man was so blind when it came to his family-well that solved that little mystery of why the troubled teen so craved acceptance and affection. While L was an orphan he had Watari who cared for and supported him. L doubted that the Chief had _intended_ to neglect his son but he neglected him all the same-L could just see little Light reasoning it out: 'maybe if I'm perfect, and study really hard, and get good grades then daddy will come home and maybe this time he'll even _notice_ me.'

L turned to the Chief to inform him of what should have been obvious to him: "Light-kun is a genius and seeing how you are in charge of the investigation he is emotionally invested in the case. It's not unreasonable that he would think about it or that he would share his thoughts on the case in what he thought was a safe environment." 

"Then is it safe to assume Kira is somebody in Light-kun's English class?" asked Matsuda. 

"Or word could have spread," grumbled Aizawa. 

Light risked a glance at L to find the detective was boring into him again with that penetrating stare. 

"Please share the rest of your school notes with us Light-kun," L said as he called up Watari to seize Light's school things as evidence. L grabbed his permanent marker to write more notes when he remembered "Oh and Watari, we're going to need another table. I already marked up this one..." 

***

"Kira is young, most likely a teenager, and given the times of death he is probably a high school student-anyone younger would be too scared to use Kira's powers and anyone older would use it to kill off people they don't like or use it for profit. Kira is a mission-based serial killer, he's ideologically driven, and he thinks he's doing the world a favor by doing this and he likely feels entitled as a result..." 

"Very impressive, Light-kun," Light glowed under L's praise. 

"How did you come up with all this?" Aizawa demanded. 

"Well, I just got to thinking; it's what I would have done if I had that power..." Light said and then noticed how across the vandalized coffee table, his father began gasping for air. 

"But you _do_ have the power, Light-kun." 

"That's not what I meant and you know it! It was a hypothetical exercise, Ryuuzaki. I just noticed that Kira..."

"Yes?" L prompted. 

Light sighed heavily. Well, he couldn't very well make it any worse for himself "...Kira's ideals are scarily close to my own. He's only punishing the worst, sparing those with excusable circumstances, and striking down the guilty"

"Let me get this straight. Are you saying you agree with Kira?" Aizawa asked dangerously. 

"No! Dammit! It's still _murder!_ I wouldn't become a murderer just to... change the world."

Next to him L paused in shoveling food in his mouth. "You hesitated." 

Light gave a weary sigh. "And I suppose you're going to make something of that... Dammit Ryuuzaki, I thought we were beyond this! I'm. not. _Kira!_ " 

"Yes, Light-kun is not Kira-but you easily could've been and you still could be. You probably _would_ have become a Kira if there wasn't one out there already. I suppose you're more of a Kira-waiting-to-happen."

"Excuse me?!" 

L ignored him and addressed the taskforce. "Light-kun is a genius of a rare caliber, myself include. It's not unsurprising he would feel this way. I can understand his frustrations-growing up around normal people has, in layman's terms, screwed him up mightily and while he might look normal that is only because he is so careful to look normal. He isn't normal. His pleasantly affable demeanor hides his growing sociopathy and a mild God complex. I imagine if left untreated it will only get worse in time."

Light folded his arms across his chest in what L noticed as a defensive posture.

"You're basing this off what? My school transcripts? A little pop-psychology? You know _nothing_ about me! Who are you to judge me? You think I'm a sociopath, Ryuuzaki? You qualify better than I do!" Light declared as he began ticking off the symptoms "'Frequent lying, lack of empathy and remorse, does not respect the rights of others, aggressive behavior'" L closed the distance between them and this close up Light easily caught the brief flash of emotion on L's stony face. "'does not understand the concept of personal space...'" 

The edge of the detective's lips tugged upwards into a grin. "I'm afraid you're telling them nothing new, Light-kun. I've already told them, many times, that my own psychological profile is similar to Kira's. Everyone here already knows this however I do believe that with your particular background yours is even _closer_. I'm sorry that upsets you. It is not my intention to insult Light-kun with these observations. I am merely saying that he's a great benefit to this investigation. Thank you for that, Light-kun." 

Light sat there seething as the taskforce, and worse, his father regarded him warily before he exploded at L. " _WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SAYING, RYUUZAKI!_ " thundered the Chief, " _There's nothing wrong with Light! And there's nothing wrong in his upbringing! He's always been cared for, he has a roof over his head, three square meals a day..._ " 

L waited for him to pause for breath before attempting to talk over him. It also wasn't lost on the great detective how Light seemed to sink into the cushions next to him. "It's perfectly understandable why Light would feel this way. He's a genius surrounded by people who are just not at his level. Sure, Light-kun is surrounded by _good_ people and it's no mark against any of you, but that's beside the point. Just imagine, if you will, if you had to live your entire life surrounded by Matsudas"

Aizawa suppressed a shudder of horror. "I guess I can see your point." 

"Hey! I'm right here, you know!" Matsuda complained. 

"Hmmm... So you are," L mumbled while chewing and gave a sideways glance at the brooding teen sitting next to him. 

"Light-kun seems upset," L said innocently. 

"Oh I don't know why, Ryuuzaki. You just labeled me as an unfeeling, uncaring _monster_. I'll have you know that I love my family very much, and Rem, and you too when you're not being an _asshole._ " 

"Light! Language!" the Chief scolded.

"If I was a sociopath I wouldn't have bothered to go through all this trouble! If I was a sociopath I wouldn't _care_ if Kira killed all of you! I _do_ care! About justice! And about _everyone!_ " 

"You're just proving my point, you know," L said while chewing methodically on some sort of chocolate treat Watari had set beside them while they were bickering. "You're more upset with me that I called you a sociopath then you are about me locking you up," L pointed out. 

"That has nothing to do with this!" 

"If it's any consolation I believe you to be a very high-functioning psychopath-the kind that goes on to become a CEO of a corporation or excels in politics rather than the kind that ends up in prison but time will tell, I suppose."

Light glowered out at the room full of detectives who were staring at him like he was some kind of freak, judging him with their condemning eyes and tried to avoid his father's disappointed gaze. That was the worst part--L had suggested he was _flawed_ in front of his father. 

_Why did Ryuuzaki do that?! Is he punishing me for screwing up the case? It's my fault Kira knew to change his pattern. My fault..._ He couldn't take this. Somehow, he had to redeem himself. 

"Maybe... Maybe I can get him to come to me. I'm sure Kira must have the Eyes. Since I own a Shinigami weapon, he won't see my lifespan. Logically, he should want my weapon and to know what I know." 

"No, Light!" his father shouted. "It's too dangerous!"

"This is my fault anyway," the teen grumbled more to himself than the others. 

"It's not your fault!" Matsuda objected. 

"It is," L said as he popped another chocolate. 

" _Ryuuzaki!_ " The taskforce roared in unison before the disassembled back into a cacophony of voices:  
"Use Light-kun as bait?" "This is unacceptable!" "Kira will want to get his hands on Light's weapon before he kills him" "Kira can control people's actions! He might try and control Light and kill him! We can't risk it!" 

"Dad, if Kira really is in my English class he knows my name already anyway. Kira might even already have seen that I own a Shinigami weapon so he might already be in the process of killing me. Isn't it better this way? There's no sense in risking someone whose name he doesn't already know." 

The Chief looked ill but conceded the point.

Meanwhile Rem was glaring menacingly down at L. " **Ryuuzaki. Need I remind you of our agreement? He loves you, he _trusts_ you, and what you're doing right now is beyond despicable,** " the nominally soft-spoken Shinigami snarled when it became blatantly obvious to the kindly, empathic Shinigami how the detective was manipulating her charge's emotions. She had yet to figure out that asking L not to be manipulative was like asking water not to be wet. 

"He isn't in much danger now from Kira," L assured Rem. "In fact, no one in this room is. As far as the world knows everyone here has died quietly of sudden illnesses and tragic accidents. Only your families know otherwise" 

" _RYUUZAKI!_ " 

"It seemed the most efficient way to protect all of you from Kira. He was less likely to try and kill you if he thought you were already dead."

Mogi glared down at his stack of papers angrily. "I _had_ a girlfriend, you know."

 _Whoops._ L suddenly became very interested in his toes. 

"Rem, dad, everyone, _please,_ " Light entreated them all earnestly, eyes shining with that idealism that was so like Kira. "I want to do this."


	11. Destination, Darkness

“Oh, you utter _bastard_ ,” the mousy-haired teen gasped out in utter exasperation when those slender fingers kept fumbling with the buttons of his uniform suit jacket. Light attempted to ignore the source of his annoyance—a certain shaggy dark-haired detective—leaned into his personal space bubble until he was resting his pale, pointed chin on the younger man’s shoulder. 

“I am afraid I never knew my parents so I could not tell you anything about their marital status even if I was inclined to,” L said with a smirk in his voice. 

“Would you cut that out?!” Light snapped as the peculiar man kept rubbing against him like a cat. The detective’s pointed nose nuzzling into the bright red welt, an obvious bite mark that he had left on Light’s neck right below the jaw line. To his ire, the teen found that it was too high up to be effectively hidden by a scarf—not that a scarf would really go with his school uniform anyway nor would it look very inconspicuous to wear one on this bright and pleasant spring day when students began complaining about the heat. So wearing the scarf would look suspicious and like he was hiding something. Light was still tempted to wear a scarf thought—it was a really embarrassing hickey. 

“You did that on purpose!” Light accused of the wild man who was still clinging to him like a leech. Light took L’s snickering in quiet amusement to be as good as a confession. “You’re horrible!” He groaned while lightly brushing his fingers against the affected area of his neck and his lips tugged their way into a slight smile at the memory of exactly when Ryuuzaki must have given it to him.

“Want a strawberry?” Ryuuzaki offered with false innocence. Light just glared at the pervy detective who was doing his best adorable fluffy panda imitation and the proffered fruit that L had undoubtedly fished out of his jeans pocket—said strawberry was covered in lint. Light struggled to contain his amusement at his boyfriend’s antics and failed as it all erupted out in choked giggles. The teen was forced to concede this round but he supposed that losing wasn’t so bad since it brought such an adorable smile to the detective’s face. Light marveled that, despite being the older of the two of them, L could be such an obnoxious brat at times. Though for some reason Light found the detective’s obnoxiousness to be kind of… sweet. Sure, L could be inconsiderate, and even harsh, yet Light was happy. He couldn’t imagine ever doing these things with anyone else and, as he told Rem, he wouldn’t trade L for a “nice, well-mannered boy” for the world. 

Light sighed as he assessed himself in the mirror. He supposed he was as ready as he could be. Between his school work, the Kira case, physical therapy, Capoeira lessons, and L, Light had kept busy during his recovery. Watari had kindly delivered him with a package of all his school assignments so at least he was caught up on all his school work. It wasn’t as if his school work was in the least bit challenging but there was just _so much_ of it. He had been scolded by the nurses on several occasions for over-doing it and they nearly confiscated his backpack on multiple occasions only for Light to charm his way out of trouble in such a way that L seemed to think that Kira would be jealous and L once again, rather tactlessly wished that Light was Kira so he might match wits against such a skilled opponent. (This resulted in a pouting L returning to his desk chair in front of a laptop screen for the whole night rather than his more recent habit of spending at least part of his nights in Light-kun’s bed.) 

His parents had marveled that Light could stay at the top of his classes even while sick. Light himself didn’t particularly care about the class rankings but getting perfect scores was just something that came naturally to him—like breathing. Though he would never admit it aloud, the teen had trouble understanding why his classmates bitched and moaned about how school was so hard for surely if they worked diligently enough they could be like him! But they didn’t. They gawked and they giggled and they spoke of plebian things that held no interest to him. Light had just come to assume that his so-called peers were just lazy and that they just chose to be stupid. This was uncharitable, perhaps, but from his perspective it was just a small part of the huge list of why this world was a rotten mess: rampant injustice, crime, corruption, vapid classmates, salt-free potato chips... Light wondered if perhaps he’d made a mistake when he confided to L and Rem exactly why he wasn’t looking forward to seeing his classmates again. They both seemed rather wary of him after that though their reactions had been kind of mixed—for while the Shinigami just looked concerned, the boorish detective just kept staring at him in his unblinking, unnerving, way that Light knew him to use in perp sweating. The teen just shrugged (used to being not understood) and shouldered his slate grey book bag. At first it was a challenge of learning how to move with both it and the cane, it felt awkward and clumsy and with the number of times he’d embarrassed himself Light worried that he was turning into more of klutz than poor Matsuda.

Of course he was by no means “all-better.” Light knew he still had a long way to go before he was fully recovered from the whole confinement ordeal (both Light and the taskforce found that mentioning it was an easy way to get L to shut up if started being too much of a jerk, even though Light kept insisting that it wasn’t L’s fault and he would’ve done the same in his position.) It had been a struggle for Light just to get to this point as every muscle screamed as it was forced to remember its purpose. The doctor’s warned him that his impatience might cost him in the long-run, that it was probably too soon for him to be doing something like this, that this could set his recovery back months but Light figured that catching Kira a little… alright, _a lot_ of extra pain. He could expect to be in physical therapy for months if not years after this but after much arguing with the doctors and L he had finally been cleared for this and it turned out that that had only happened because he wouldn’t truly be walking around unsupervised—Light had Rem of course, as well as the officers tailing him, and L had blanketed the entire Tokyo area with surveillance cameras—Light found all this to be a bit overkill and told L as much, especially since the taskforce had also insisted that Light wear a wire and a receiver so if things went south he had a direct line to L and taskforce headquarters. Light found that the mini clip-on microphone scraped irritably against his chest underneath his school uniform. 

L also tried to foist one of those emergency belts onto him just in case, for whatever reason, he couldn’t speak to them but Light had pointed out that that idea was slightly flawed—after all, people tend to notice when a guy starts playing with his belt in public. (At this point Matsuda wondered aloud if that was why he got odd looks every time he hit the emergency button and groaned in realization that he’d done it several times in front of Sanami, a female officer from the forensic division, and that she must think he was some kind of pervert.) In the end, because L was rather insistent that he have access to the panic button, Light had used the same technology to modify his wristwatch because people don’t tend to notice or worry when someone is just messing around with their watch. 

So after his overprotective father, doctors, boyfriend, coworkers, and Shinigami finally came to an accord that he was “ready” (or as ready as he ever would be) to go back to school, Light finally was able to escape their smothering in order to perform the mission they all agreed needed to happen. The teen said goodbyes to the taskforce and L (the latter of which seemed to be under the impression that his ramming his tongue down Light’s throat in front of Chief Yagami was an appropriate sendoff) before betting into the limo with Watari who’d agreed to drop him off in front of the Yagami house so that he could walk to school as per usual. During the planning stages the kindly elder gentleman had offered to just drop him off at school but Light had argued (and L had, grudgingly, agreed) that it would be difficult to pretend that nothing had changed if his classmates saw him getting dropped off at school in a limousine. That would, no doubt, instantly put Kira on his guard. Light knew he’d find it odd and possibly suspicious if he was Kira... so instead they made sure that they left with plenty of time to spare, accounting for the slow progress Light made while walking with the cane. While he’d gotten used to moving with the cane it still took him like at least twice as long to get anywhere with it. 

When Watari dropped him off in front of his house he couldn’t help but stand there, staring, for a moment before Rem gently reminded him he needed to get going. Light cursed his moment of weakness. It would be stupid, not to mention highly suspicious if he’d been spotted gawking at his house. He hadn’t been inside it in months, yet it looked the same as always—the same as practically every cookie cutter house on the street. 

Home.

But he wasn’t going home. He was, in all likelihood, going to face the Reaper—and not a friendly one like Rem either. 

Light stopped at the tracks as the train rumbled passed, the same as it did every day, and Light reflected how this used to be the most exciting thing that happened in his day. It was surreal. Here everything was exactly the same and yet, somehow, everything had changed.

Of course—Kira was still out there. 

Light almost felt a sense of nostalgia for his previously banal existence and recalled once hearing an ancient Chinese curse of “May you live in interesting times.”Not that he’d ever want to go back to the way things were. He couldn’t imagine nor wish for a life now without L and Rem in it. 

But Light knew that that wasn’t all there was to it. 

He had changed. 

Sometimes when he was particularly angry it was becoming harder to be… (polite, friendly, kind, courteous, helpful…) normal. Light supposed the notebook could still be corrupting him even though he’d hidden it away but no matter what Light said or did L seemed to be under the impression that Light’s moodiness was his fault. Of course Light couldn’t expect to go through something like that… okay, _torture,_ unscarred (as both L and the doctors repeatedly told him such a notion was utterly preposterous.) For some reason L insisted that Light call what he did to him by its proper name and never hide from the truth, stating that if they were going to try for a relationship they should at least attempt to not make it any more messed up than it already was whatever he meant by that. It didn’t seem that messed up to Light—it was pretty simple, really. He liked L. He’d always liked L and he still did, even though they met under less than ideal circumstances. Light wanted to insist to L again that it really hadn’t been that bad, well, it had but he got over it and that L was justified in his actions and he would have done the same... but Light finally agreed to the detective’s rather unusual request when the detective kept moping around, binging on mint ice cream every time he brought it up. Light suspected that L had some serious issues but that was okay—it didn’t make the older man any less brilliant or loveable...

(Blank black eyes staring into his own, void of any concern or understanding, like gazing into the abyss…)

**“Light?”**

The passing train continued to thunder on the edge of his consciousness crescendoing into a screech of metal on metal that almost sounded like a human scream.

**“Light!”**

“Huh? Oh, sorry. I guess I spaced out for a minute there.”

_You’re not Kira but you could’ve been._

Rem looked on in concern as Light once again started laughing brokenly. 

“I am so fucked up.” 

Rem offered no comment but lifted up her hesitant, inhuman hand to pat him on the shoulder; her bones creaked and rattled as she moved to offer the boy comfort. 

“‘He who fights monsters should see to it that he himself does not become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.’ –Friedrich Nietzche, a German philosopher, often misquoted and misunderstood but anyway… You know, the worst of it is Ryuuzaki is right. If he didn’t exist already I could very well have become him. Though I don’t think he realizes how very Kira-like he is himself at times but… anyway, more importantly… Rem—” Light began and then trailed off awkwardly as he stared pensively as the railway crossings in front of him the last of the freight cars had already thundered on passed but the safety arms had yet to let him move forward. 

**“Yes?”**

“Rem, if I ever go down that path could you stop me?”

**“What do you mean, Light?”**

“I mean write my name in the notebook.” At this the Shinigami’s entire form jolted in alarm. 

**“Light—”**

“I don’t think this world could survive another Kira. And in any case at the rate he’s going there’d be nothing left for the Shinigami to feed on.” 

Just then Light’s radio receiver crackled to life in his ear. “Must Light-kun be such a drama queen?” 

The teenager rolled his eyes. “Really, Ryuuzaki? You’re breaking radio silence just to bitch at me?” 

“If Light-kun ever feels inclined to be Kira, I feel obligated to inform him that I will stop him. So could Light-kun please stop planning his suicide? It is very distressing, especially to his father, not to mention it’s disrupting to our work.” 

_“Dick,”_ Light grumbled. 

“I heard that, Light-kun.” 

“Well naturally, I did say it out loud,” the teen grumbled as the railroad crossing arms went back up and he could resume his absurdly slow sojourn to school.

 _Stupid cane,_ the boy sneered to himself though the rhythmic tapping of his cane on the concrete was almost soothing on his battered nerves. He made a game of it—two taps of the cane for each concrete block and no stepping on the cracks. He recalled that silly little rhyme from his English class: _“Step on a crack / break your mother’s back.”_ It was probably just a silly superstition but then Shinigami had proved to be real so Light was taking no chances...

“I do believe Light-kun has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder,” said L, once again observing his every move from the new taskforce command center in the hospital’s basement. 

“So? What if I do? You’re really one to talk, Ryuuzaki—you sort your jelly beans by color!” 

“True but Light-kun was particular enough to notice the alignment of my candy and be bothered by it.” 

“Hey, isn’t it true that many serial killers have obsessive disorders?” asked Aizawa. 

Light froze mid-step and for a moment all he could hear was L’s obnoxious slurping of his smoothie over the wire. 

“Some do,” L assented, “And some have brown eyes too but you don’t think that everyone with brown eyes is a serial killer, do you?” 

“Wait, what?” 

“Whether you meant to or not you were implying causation; that if someone has an obsessive disorder they _must_ be a serial killer. That is blatantly untrue. In any case I’m pretty sure Mr. Mogi has an obsessive disorder too or is at the very least is on the spectrum. Are you suggesting that Mr. Mogi has some gruesome hobbies he does off the clock?”

“Wait, _Mogi?!_ But he’s so… _quiet!_ ”Aizawa defended. Sure the large man was physically imposing but he was a nice guy, a gentle giant. 

“He’s a workaholic that shuns human interaction.” 

The taskforce all gave L a hard _look._

“Er… Ryuuzaki…” 

“Yes, I don’t think I could ever deny that I too am on the spectrum—as is Mr. Mogi and as is Light-kun. It’s a shame that such a stigma is attached to being just a little bit different.” 

“Er… when you put it like that…” Aizawa awkwardly scratched the back of his ‘fro. “Sorry.” 

“In the future I’d hope you don’t go spreading misinformation like that unless you want to be as helpful to this investigation as Matsuda.” 

“Hey!” Matsuda complained; but as usual was ignored. 

Light simply rolled his eyes at the by-play he could hear going on over the microphone but he was just glad that they weren’t going to start accusing him again. The teen was beginning to worry that his sanity might not be able to take much more of that. Though he conceded that that might just already be a moot point considering his best friend was an aspect of Death, he was living in fear that he might one day _become_ Kira himself, he was currently in the middle of what might just be described as a suicide mission, and he was currently dating the man who had once been his top accuser. Oh well, sanity was overrated anyway.

Light smiled ruefully at Rem when the school edifice came into view. 

“Showtime.”


	12. School Daze

No sooner had Light set foot on the school grounds when he was nearly crushed by a gaggle of brainless girls (and even a few boys) who were wailing and prattling on about how they thought he had died before they even got to go out on a date with them. This had Light once again wondering about the ever-declining state of humanity though it did give him a peculiar sense of satisfaction to overhear L’s jealous little sounds of annoyance over the receiver. 

Light felt that he had flawlessly worked the crowd until someone inevitably noticed the massive hickey L had given him. Light blanched. Of course he and L had discussed this eventuality but Light had naively hoped it wouldn’t come to this... 

***

_“Tell them the truth—that you’re boyfriend gave it to you. It will give them something to focus on other than poking holes in your cover story.”_

_“You’re asking me to out myself in front of the whole school?!”_

_“Is that a problem?” the detective asked in such a flat tone of voice that you could barely consider it a question._

_“No. I’ll do it. You’re right—I need to do something to throw off suspicion. It’s perfectly logical. It’s just…” here the teen groaned slightly, “my reputation…”_

_Light started as long, gentle fingers brushed against his cheek. He looked up and met L’s piercing dark eyes. “Light, I promise you after this you’ll never have to deal with any of them again.”_

_“You meant it? What we discussed before… You’ll take me with you?”_

_“I wouldn’t be a very good boyfriend if I left you behind. Besides to do so would be a massive security risk,” the detective said dryly._

_Light rolled his eyes. That was L for you—Mr. Romantic._

***

The brownette cleared his throat, gaining the mob’s undivided attention, as he worked to fight down a blush. “I… uh… met someone.”

“Obviously!” squealed one of the girls. 

“But when?” demanded one of the boys. “Weren’t you in the hospital?” 

“Yeah… er… you see… well, he was my nurse…”

“A nurse? _Really?_ ” The radio transceiver hissed in his ear and Light fought to keep the smirk off his face. 

“A nurse?!” “ _HE?!_ ”

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with being a nurse!” contended Light. 

“Should’ve known….with the amount of time he must spend on his hair…” 

“…Well I suppose he prefers to be called a Physical Therapist.” Light continued seamlessly, completely ignoring the slanderous gibbering of certain members of the student body. 

Many of the girls appeared to be very disappointed by this revelation, though a disturbing number of them seemed to have decided that making condescending cooing noises at him was somehow the appropriate response. Most of the guys appeared to be disgusted, though a select few were eying him speculatively. Light determined to avoid them especially. The teen still recalled the time L nearly stabbed Matsuda with his fork for attempting to take one of his candies—somehow L didn’t strike Light as the type to share. 

“Are you seme or uke?” demanded one of the girls who was brandishing her yaoi manga as if it were a holy scripture. Light didn’t dignify that with a response. 

“A _physical_ therapist? Yes I suppose that’s an apt description seeing as I have given you comfort physically these last few nights,” the dry wit of an all-too familiar voice crackled in his ear.

Light fought down a blush and failed miserably much to the amusement of his more dimwitted colleagues. 

“Look—he’s blushing!” “He’s so red!” “Ooh! You’re so adorable!” tittered the girls. 

“Definitely the uke,” another of the girls gossiped in a loud “whisper.” 

“Hey!” Light snapped in annoyance. 

Meanwhile L continued to chuckle into the headset. He really wished he could tell Ryuuzaki to knock it off but that was impossible now seeing as he had yet to lose his train of idiots… _admirers,_ oh it was the same thing really. 

“What’s he like?” demanded one of his fangirls. 

Light froze at the question for once at a loss for a satisfactory answer. 

L was just… _L._

How could he even begin to explain to an outsider the enigma that was L? Or for that matter the complexities of their “relationship.” No, they’d never understand it. _He_ barely understood it and he was a certified genius. 

“Well… he seems like a real asshole at first but he’s really sweet once you get to know him.” 

“Light-kun is mistaken. I am by no means ‘sweet.” I _eat_ sweets. I thought Light-kun intelligent enough to tell the difference,” came L’s caustic commentary over the comm. 

Light hid his annoyance at his boyfriend behind a saccharine smile. “And then you realize he’s _still_ an asshole but that’s okay because he’s smart and he’s funny and he always says exactly what you _need_ to hear and not just what you want to hear.” 

Light smiled as he heard a sharp intake of breath over his earpiece. It seemed he’d actually managed to move the mighty L for once. “ _Light-kun…_ ” 

“But wait, what do your parents think about… you know…?” Taro trailed off while making lewd hand gestures. Light again rolled his eyes—as usual he was surprised by the level of maturity, tolerance, and sophistication of his peers. _Not._

“ _You idiot!_ Don’t you remember?! He just lost his father!” hissed Yamamoto. 

“ _My father…_ ” Light made sure to get all choked up at the appropriate time. It was imperative that Kira think that his father was already dead so he wouldn’t be targeted and they had already determined that either Kira or an information leak to Kira was present at his high school. 

“If Light-kun got any cheesier then I’d think he’d turn into a quesadilla,” L remarked wryly.

 _What is it with you and food?_ Light thought incredulously. The detective was apparently less-than-impressed with his acting skills. Light had thought he’d done pretty well for such short notice—it’s not like he went out every day and practiced a “my dad’s dead” routine. 

“I’m sorry. We heard about the accident…” said one of his peers, right on cue. 

“It wasn’t an accident,” Light said with dangerous calm. 

“ _Wha…_ ”

“It was that bastard Kira! I just know it!” the teen prodigy sneered with all of his vitriol he usually kept well-hidden when interacting with polite society. 

Light’s headset once again crackled to life. “Light-kun, what are you doing?!” L hissed urgently but Light ignored him in favor of carrying out the Plan. He couldn’t afford to second-guess himself while in the middle of the mission. Kira was here, _somewhere,_ perhaps even hiding among the friendly faces of the students he’d known all his life. L had said he wanted him to draw Kira out—so that’s exactly what he would do. 

“What gives him the right to play God?! I bet he doesn’t even consider other people’s lives as important!”

On the other end of the comm. L shattered a panda cracker between his fingertips. “Dammit, Light! I said _draw him out_ , not challenge him!”

“How can you even say that?!” demanded one of his classmates. 

“I know my views might be unpopular and that voicing them is dangerous …” Light assured him. 

“Idiotic, even,” L put in brightly over his earpiece.

“…but passively accepting it is even more dangerous!” the teen genius insisted as he addressed his crowd of followers with all the charisma of some legendary revolutionary. He gave an impassioned and completely ad-libbed speech about human rights and freedom that would any political speech writer jealous so that by the time of the first warning bell they were all fired up and ready to take a stand against Kira. Rem brushed away the trickle of sweat that rolled down her human’s temple—Light truly hadn’t quite intended it to go quite this far. He hadn’t _meant_ to work up the crowd to such a degree—he was merely stating his personal opinions and it just kind of… _happened._ He hoped that none of them would get themselves killed because of it. 

Even L was beginning to sound grudgingly impressed over the intercom. Unfortunately any praise he might have received from the legendary detective was interrupted when the crowd gave a collective start. Even worse, Light felt Rem tense behind him which meant he was more than likely in mortal peril. Someone had pushed their way out of the crowd, furiously slamming the front doors to the school behind them. They hadn’t seen who it was. 

A trickle of sweat rolled down Light’s face—it was highly likely that Kira or at least a Kira supporter had been in the crowd. Light tried to make note of who was still there and who was absent but there were still too many suspects—it was getting close to warning bell so naturally some of the crowd had begun to disperse. 

“Shit,” Light swore softly but it was still picked up by the transceiver. 

“Yes. You could say that, Light-kun” the detective deadpanned. 

Light masked his perfectly justified terror as he made his way to class. Now they could only hope that it was just a Kira worshipper rather than Kira himself.

***

Light huffed to himself in perplexed annoyance as school went on as if his life hadn’t changed completely. He limped along, his cane tapping obnoxiously against the linoleum so that the resulting sound was embarrassingly loud to his ears. The humiliation levels compounded when all of his classmates would stop and stare, as well as “whisper” and point. From what he’d overheard, apparently the prevailing theory among the stupid… er _student_ body was that his mysterious nurse boyfriend shagged him so much he couldn’t walk straight without a cane. Light’s fist tightened around the cane in an angry grip. He thought he was showing a considerable amount of self-restraint seeing as he hadn’t yet struck them over the heads with it but, as he constantly reminded himself, he was doing all this to help clear his name and that murdering his classmates would probably be a mark against his innocence. 

Light entered the cafeteria to more whispers and stares—and here he’d thought that they would’ve all been done with their inane gawking by lunchtime. He ignored them and found his own table to sit and eat lunch alone as he preferred to do but for some reason today Taro had decided he needed to sit down next to him and began stuffing his face with wasabi-flavored seaweed crackers. Light made a face as Taro popped more of the spicy black crisps into his mouth. How the chubby boy hadn’t burned a hole in his stomach already Light would never know. Light hoped he wasn’t one of the ones that had been trying to corner him out of interest now that the word was out that he was gay—he’d known Taro since like, _forever,_ and that would be beyond awkward. There had been a surprising number of them, despite Light’s announcement that he was already in a steady relationship, much to his listening boyfriend’s ever-increasing annoyance. 

Light cringed, his face forming a distinctive moue of distaste as his awkward friend spilled soy sauce down his shirt front… and practically everywhere else within a five mile radius. _This_ was why Light usually preferred to eat lunch alone. And yes, Light was well aware that that was a somewhat snobby attitude to take but eating alone greatly simplified things. He simply preferred his own company. Or L’s. He didn’t mind eating lunch with L. For all the detective’s other faults and bizarre eating habits he never spilled his food. The detective’s white sweaters were always spotless and free of food stains—as if L would ever allow one of his precious sweets to escape! 

Light ate his lunch, the bento box care package his mother had sent along, in silence, reflecting on his day so far and tried not to think of L—because surely that would do nothing to improve the man’s over-inflated ego. Light supposed the good news was he wasn’t dead yet.

He’d waited a tense forty seconds after his detractor had left and nothing happened. The seconds turned into minutes, then hours and class periods and decided that if Kira had heard his speech he probably wasn’t going to kill him right away. 

_If Kira is here he probably wanted to know what I know first. For all I know he may be controlling me right now. That’s what I would do if I was… No. Don’t go there. It’s not good for your mental health._

Light had tried to make note of any odd or suspicious occurrences but this was made difficult seeing as everyone was acting odd around him due to his outing though he had gotten some particularly weird vibes during homeroom when he had stopped at the teacher’s desk, bringing his usual apple for Hayami-sensei, his English teacher. 

Rain or shine the Yagami family’s next door neighbors always brought over the surplus of apples from their garden so Light had started bringing in an apple a day for the teacher as something of a joke that over years had slowly evolved into a ritual. He had endured despite the irritated looks from his classmates and the accusations that he was “sucking up” but for some reason it seemed that much _worse_ today—Yamamoto even seemed _furious_ with him. Light didn’t know what his problem was—it was just an apple and, again, it was practically a ritual that he had done all the time. So why get mad about it now? Had he committed some social faux pas? Was there some sort of code regarding the whole… uh, _gay thing_ that he didn’t know about? Light didn’t even know who to ask or even how to ask without offending anyone either. Maybe Ryuuzaki knew what was going on. Maybe he could ask him.

 _Provided I survive high school._ Light thought ruefully as he ducked into his chemistry class early in order to avoid another confrontation with Sudou. While the asshole jock and his buddies could follow him into the classroom they could never get away with fighting with him in the chem. lab seeing as Fujiwara-sensei was a no nonsense sort of professor who would stick them all in detention until they were thirty.


	13. Better Living Through Chemistry

With the word of his sexuality making the rounds and the knowledge that his “police officer father” had just died Sudou, being the douche that he is, had elected Light Yagami (or as he had taken to calling him the “homo orphan nerd”) as a prime new target. So Light was glad to see Fujiwara-sensei was already present when he made his escape into the chem. lab thus depriving Sudou and his pal’s a chance to try something on him. Though part of him was _almost_ disappointed—his Capoeira lessons with L had been coming along smoothly and he would’ve liked to have the opportunity to show them that he was not to be crossed but then his more rational side immediately scolded himself—he sincerely doubted he would have been able to take on all five of them at once, especially while he was still recovering from the effects of his confinement. 

Light sat at his usual desk by the window that gave him a strategic view of the entire room and then took to idly twirling his pen until the bell rang and the rest of the students came pouring in. Sudou and his buddies sneered at him and occasionally threw wads of paper in his general direction but wouldn’t risk doing anything worse—not with the teacher watching them like a hawk. 

Light suppressed a sigh and mentally prepared himself for yet another boring lesson. Though, the teen genius mused to himself, he should try to put things in perspective—Light supposed that school was slightly less torturous than being chained to a chair. Well, no—at least then he’d had L to talk to… Now he had to play the stifling role of a “good kid”—just sit down, shut up, and pay attention. 

In the time since his confinement the detective had spoiled him terribly and not even in the ways that he obviously intended to—even though L kept shoving his sweets at him Light would never be a sweet tooth like L. That just wasn’t the way he was wired. He’d accept fruits well enough—it was even kind of… cute when L offered him cherries or strawberries. Sometimes, out of politeness, he would take the hard wrapped candies and pocket them. But he’d often had to decline the multitude of cookies, cakes, cupcakes, scones, doughnuts, and whatever else that the detective kept pushing under his nose. He _couldn’t_ eat everything L gave him—Light was sure that if he ate as much as L did then he’d end up as fat as a sumo wrestler. The teen wasn’t sure why L kept pushing his sweets on him—if it was out of guilt, some twisted amusement, or if it was just the detective’s way of expressing himself. Or maybe the detective just liked to see him flustered when he wasn’t quite sure how to respond. Or, probably, it was some mix of the above. In any case, Light knew that L would never succeed at spoiling him with his candy though certainly not for lack of trying. 

No, L spoiled him with his _intelligent conversation_ and total disregard for social conventions. Light didn’t think he could _survive_ now in a world without L in it nor would he particularly want to. He could just… be himself around L and that was truly a scary prospect. As the detective began to slowly chip away at his façade Light was beginning to realize that he’d spent so long playing the part of the perfect son that now he wasn’t even sure who he knew who he was or who he wanted to be. He knew who he _didn’t_ want to be—Kira. Light supposed that was a start. 

_Yeah, that’s really setting the bar high—not wanting to be a mass murderer._

He scoffed to himself before refocusing his attention on the blackboard and making an effort to pay attention to class. With Rem silently leaning over his shoulder, Light watched and listened to his chemistry lesson impassively, trying not to let his annoyance be known as Fujiwara-sensei insisted on yet again warning them all on the dangers of handling chemicals unprotected. After hearing it so many times it almost as if he was watching looping footage; it was just as repetitive and while the repetition was amusing at first it got boring real quick. Yet, despite his obvious boredom, Light got the feeling he was still the only one paying attention… _again._ Case in point would be the gossiping girls sitting in front of him and that one kid in the back of the room that was obviously playing Pokémon. Well Rem appeared to be watching the proceedings with clear fascination but it’s not like she was going to get credit for taking the class. 

The Shinigami-possessed teenager suppressed yet another sigh and leaned over his desk, his cheek resting harshly against the heel of his hand as he stared bitterly at the blackboard through the cage of his fingers and wondered if it was even worth it to keep trying seeing as he already knew about today’s lesson. Then he reflected that one of the upsides of being one of the few who actually paid attention in chemistry class was that he had learned how to make pyrotechnic devices so he supposed it might just be worth it after all—the teacher wasn’t nearly as cautious about obscuring certain “forbidden knowledge” than he thought. 

“Now it’s come to my attention that there have been certain… _shenanigans_ involving my lab…” 

Fujiwara began what sounded like the start of yet another lengthy lecture on safety that would go over most of the hooligan’s heads. The teen squirmed in his seat before settling in for the long-haul. 

“Shenanigans? Really?” came the great detective L’s ever-helpful commentary over the comm. 

“Quiet, you,” Light hissed, barely audible, into his shirt collar. 

“Yagami, do you have anything to add for the class?” 

“No, sir—I was just informing Sudou over there that he should really pay attention,” Light said while smiling serenely. 

“Huh?” queried the jock upon hearing the sound of his name. 

“Very Good. Everyone should follow Yagami’s example.” 

“ _Suck up,_ ” snarled one of Sudou’s pals and everyone within their immediate vicinity snickered at Light’s expense but out of long practice Light didn’t pay it any mind. 

“Quite the charmer, aren’t you Light?” L observed. “Nice work deflecting suspicion off of you.” 

Light gave a small, self-satisfied smirk at the praise. 

“You’d make an excellent con artist,” suggested the detective and Light’s smirk turned into a scowl. He suddenly wished that his boyfriend was within hitting range. 

“…This is most unacceptable!” the teacher declared from the front of the classroom before picking up a jar of some unknown substance. 

Rem’s gasping behind him alerted Light to the exact moment when Fujiwara’s finger slipped into the unknown fluid he was holding as he kept on talking.

“Uh, Fujiwara-sensei…” Light began tentatively but was completely ignored. 

“…this will not be tolerated!” Fujiwara snapped while slamming his hand onto the counter for emphasis. 

The classroom gave a collective screech of horror when the professor’s finger shattered off and broke into a million pieces. 

“Impressive,” L said over the wire in his usual apathetic tone as Light stared on at the carnage in shock. Not that the rest of the class was doing much better—in fact, Light was pretty sure that one of Sudou’s buddies had just fainted behind him. 

“Don’t you see, Light-kun? He staged the whole thing,” observed the detective, completely spoiling the surprise when the professor threw the mangled remains of the fake plastic hand onto the counter top and Light quickly noted that it was filled with theatrical blood. 

“Yes, the shock value of the demonstration got the class’s attention far better than anything he could ever say. I approve,” again came L’s voice in his ear. It sounded like he was chewing something. Light frowned; though he supposed he should be used to L’s masticating by now. 

Light wasn’t at all surprised that L could obviously see the proceedings. It wouldn’t surprise him if L had plastered his school with surveillance cameras. Hell, it wouldn’t surprise him if the voyeuristic detective had replaced the buttons on his school uniform with mini-cameras. For a moment Light wondered which one it was but then realized that, knowing L, it was probably all of them. 

“Now that I’ve got your attention…”

Light just rolled his eyes—Fujiwara-sensei was quite a character. He imagined he’d get along quite well with Ryuuzaki if they ever met in person. 

_Then again, maybe not. If you put them both in the same room they’ll probably try to out “ego” each other,_ the teen scoffed.

That’s when Light realized that that was pretty much described his and Ryuuzaki’s relationship and so had to spend the next five minutes trying to flush away the brain-scarring mental images of his boyfriend coming onto his chemistry teacher. 

“…And that, class, is why you never stick your hand into an unknown substance and why you never, ever enter this lab unprotected!” 

The now alert students cringed as the teacher shoved the beaker that the fake hand had been dipped in forward so that it sat quite prominently in the middle of the table. 

“ _This_ is liquid nitrogen. Some of you may be familiar with it from the _Terminator_ film series. Anyone? No Terminator fans? Oh well. As you can see…” here he held up the shattered remains of the fake hand with a pair of tongs, “ _this_ is why you don’t play with it. Understand?” 

A collective shudder ran across the classroom. 

“Good. Now I’d also like to remind everyone to be sure to wear your safety goggles….”

“Goggles are for pussies!” scoffed one of the delinquents from the back of the classroom. 

“Pussies like Imagay!” Sudou sneered in agreement. 

Light didn’t dignify that with a response. 

Naturally, the news that Yagami-san had a boyfriend had spread across the campus like wildfire and thus his esteemed peers had created a new nickname for him that had quickly became popular among idiots who thought they were clever. 

“Sudou, this is your final warning. I will not tolerate bullying in my classroom or such blatant disregard for proper safety procedures.” Fujiwara said sternly.

“Yeah, whatever.” The jock scoffed and slouched back in his chair, arms folded across his varsity jacket. 

“Now, for the benefit of those who still don’t get how serious this is imagine this egg is one of your eyeballs—this is what will happen to it if you don’t wear your safety goggles,” Fujiwara said while spontaneously dropping said egg into a vat of sulfuric acid. 

*** 

**“Light, remember to wear your goggles!”**

Light felt his left eyebrow begin to twitch as Rem nagged him for the third time in the last five minutes.

***

After a period of torture (and he would know) the bell finally announced the end of chem. class, his last class of the day. Light silently congratulating himself for surviving the entire day back without any major issues… 

But of course that would be too easy. 

Just as he was getting up to leave Sudou “accidentally” bumped into him from behind, spilling the contents of Light’s messenger bag spilled all over the floor and, naturally, this all occurred after the teacher was preoccupied with cleanup so Sudou would escape justice once again. The teen genius scurried to get his things back together, attempting to salvage what was left of his papers before they got too trampled on by the uncaring feet of his classmates. He’d just about got his stuff back together when he heard the door slam shut with an air of finality. 

The click of the lock signally that he’d accidentally been locked in. 

Light began to sweat a bit as he glanced around the emptied classroom and observed all the chemicals and equipment that had been improperly stored. After that long lecture about safety procedures it just didn’t make sense that Fujiwara would leave such a mess lying about. 

He felt his stomach drop at the realization. _Unless he’s being controlled …_

Light startled at the sound of footsteps. At first he’d thought he was alone in the room but now this was obviously not the case. 

“Who’s there?!” 

Light sincerely hoped it was just Sudou or one of his pals playing a prank and that he’d been wrong in his conclusion… 

That was when an all-too familiar figure stepped out of the shadows near the door. 

_“You?!”_

The light reflected off his lenses menacingly when Yamamoto readjusted his glasses.


	14. The Killing Game

_“Yamamoto?!”_

Yamamoto, his childhood friend of many years. Yamamoto—one of the few people at his school who could actually put up with an insufferable genius on a personal level for any length of time, Yamamoto who.... _He_ was Kira. 

_Dammit! Why did it have to be him?_

In retrospect it was obvious—all the clues were there: the phone calls, the timing, Yamamoto’s obvious interest in his research on Kira’s movements, Rem’s bizarre reaction upon _meeting_ him… 

Still, Light’s genius brain was having trouble processing that—somehow he expected Kira to be... smarter, stronger, more charismatic... or perhaps it was simply because Yamamoto was lacking in goatee, pointy horns, and glowing red eyes. He never would have guessed that perfectly normal, unassuming Yamamoto was Kira. He looked more like some generic movie extra than one of the main players. Light had to grudgingly admit L was right in one respect—he would have made a much better Kira. The bespectacled boy was completely average in both looks and intellect; his face utterly forgettable. Well, Light supposed no one would forget him now…. 

He should have guessed, _should've known_! He _knew_ Yamamoto wasn't what he appeared to be. But he had tried so hard to forget... 

They glared at each other from across the room, the tension palpable as the buzzing and flickering of the florescent lights, unconsciously testing each other’s limits. Surprisingly, Yamamoto was the first to break and start talking, saying his name. 

“Light Yagami…” Yamamoto spoke softly in greeting, over-stressing each syllable of his name in implicit threat. “I heard you were dead.” 

“Keep him talking, Light-kun,” was L’s ever-helpful advice over the transceiver. 

_Yeah… no shit, Sherlock._ Light thought manically as he balled his fists at his sides to stop his hands from noticeably trembling. 

“Hang in there, Light. Help is on the way.”

“Yeah, well… reports of my death were greatly exaggerated…” the brunet paused to flash a devilish smirk “… I always wanted to say that.” 

Yamamoto looked unimpressed. 

“Why? Miss me?” Light asked, flashing the Kira suspect a teasing smirk. 

It looked easy, like he wasn’t taking this seriously, but that was the whole point. Light was putting all of his natural Thespian skills to the test because not only might this person be Kira but he was _Yamamoto…._

“Stick to the script, Light,” L buzzed unhelpfully in his ear. 

That was surprisingly unhelpful. Of course L didn't know the history between them. How could he? That was something only between him and Yamamoto. World's greatest detective he may be, L was hardly omniscient—Light knew that better than anyone. 

“I thought you were dead, _you asshole!_ ” 

Light was momentarily taken aback by the vitriol in the other boy’s tone. 

“You might want to take it up with The Sakura Times. It was a misprint in their stupid newspaper.” 

Yamamoto huffed and crossed his arms across his chest in an impatient gesture. “Where were you then?” 

“A-after the death of my father…” Light began haltingly. 

Light froze as Yamamoto invaded his personal space to clasp a possessive hand on his shoulder.

“I am sorry for your loss. But I promise it wasn’t Kira who killed your father. I wouldn’t do that to you, Light,” the killer insisted. 

Light barely stopped himself from gasping. He hadn’t expected Yamamoto to actually admit to it—and so freely!

Light was unsure of how to react to that particular bombshell so just settled for mild surprise and the arching of a fine, fine eyebrow—perhaps that was a mistake seeing as Yamamoto seemed alarmed by his non-reaction. 

“Where were you, Light? Really?” 

“I just had a little… _misunderstanding_ with my family and, and with my father dying. I just… I had to get away for a while,” Light fumbled for words. He was well-aware of the agreed upon cover story but getting the words out was another matter entirely. Especially _now…_ “So I kind of… er, ran off to spend some time with my boyfriend.”

Yamamoto looked as if he’d been struck dumb. Light belatedly realized it was probably how he should have tried to look when Yamamoto all but announced he was Kira. 

“So the rumors going around about you…” 

“All true of course. We were doing it so often I got sick,” Light informed him off-handedly and with a perfectly straight face. 

“Thank you, Light-kun. Now your father is going to murder me,” a certain detective’s voice grumbled in his ear.

“Man, I never knew you had a sense of humor... What really, happened?” Yamamoto asked shrewdly.

“Pneumonia…” Light insisted. 

Yamamoto looked pointedly at the cane. 

“…and my boyfriend.” Light added with a dopey grin. It wasn’t technically a lie. 

“Your boyfriend?” Yamamoto repeated dumbly. 

“Yeah, I still can’t walk straight.” 

“The cane?”

“My boyfriend,” Light said again. “He, uh… got it for me. Apparently the flame paint makes it go faster.” 

“And the skulls?”

“Ah… it’s an inside joke.” 

“Playing dumb really doesn’t suit you, Yagami-kun.” Yamamoto gently rebuked in pseudo-affability. “I thought _you,_ of all people, would understand the responsibilities given to you,” Yamamoto hissed, using two fingers to push his glasses up the bridge of his nose when Light simply regarded him coolly. “Light, why don’t you _use_ it?” 

“Huh? W-what are you talking about?” 

Light’s stomach dropped when Yamamoto removed an all-too-familiar black notebook from his bookbag and began writing in it. Without thinking Light lunged at him attempting to forcibly wrest the note out of his hands. 

Yamamoto shoved him back with a smirk. “I see. So you _do_ know what this is… _Catch!_ ” 

Light caught it and whipped around expecting to see a new Shinigami but none appeared. Light belatedly realized that it didn’t make much sense for Yamamoto to throw his Death Note at him, thus disarming himself. Of course—the book in his hand was _not_ a Death Note. It was just a regular school notebook that Yamamoto used to take his history notes. Heat rose in his face in humiliation as he realized that Yamamoto had just psyched him out—and he _fell_ for it. That was just _stupid!_ He _knew_ he was smarter than that! Light’s flush deepened as Yamamoto laughed and pretty much said as much before going on a madly enthusiastic rant about making a better world, all throughout which L had gone radio silent. Light could understand why but it still made him nervous as Yamamoto kept talking. 

“Don’t you see? We can be superheroes! Just like the X-men!”

“Yamamoto…” Light suppressed an exasperated sigh. He knew Kira was childish but… where to even _begin?_ “Superheroes don’t kill people.” 

_“Wolverine does!”_

Alright, Light conceded that he had a point there. 

“Alright, but that doesn’t mean you should. I mean what next, Yamamoto? Are you going to try and graft metal to your skeleton?”

“Don’t be stupid. Wolverine didn’t graft metal to his skeleton, the evil scientists did. Besides my power is this book. Not claws. Anyway that’s all beside the point. Think about it—we can start our own Justice League!” Yamamoto proclaimed with zealous excitement. 

Light wasn’t sure why it surprised him that to Kira, _Yamamoto,_ this was all just a game… and people only toys—easily broken and just as easily replaced.

“Don’t you see, Light?” Yamamoto pressed while drawing in alarmingly close, “We were _meant_ to do this. _Together._ ” 

_“Mrph?!”_ Light emitted a muffled grunt of protest as Yamamoto abruptly and aggressively locked lips with him. Light hissed as the killer bit his lip, drawing blood. 

“I _need_ you, Light,” Yamamoto insisted pulling on Light’s hair with mock tenderness, “I couldn’t have gotten this far without you.”

_“No!”_ Light snarled, shoving him away, “What the _hell_ is wrong with you?!” 

“C’mon, Yagami,” Yamamoto insisted, trying to close the distance again. 

Light froze as he discovered the counter behind him—there was nowhere left to run. He was well aware that other than a couple of Capoeira sessions with L he had next to no combat training. The watch weighed heavy on his wrist and he had to fight the irrational urge to push the panic button… _repeatedly_ —he could _really_ use a rescue right about now, but he already knew that it would do no good—Light knew that L already knew of his situation yet he hadn’t sent the officers in. Light understood why—Yamamoto was Kira, Kira had the eyes, and if L just sent the officers in they would all just die. He would have to handle this himself. 

“Don’t you know I love you, precious?” Kira crooned as he trailed his fingers across his cheek. Light fought down the urge to bite him—at this juncture that would no doubt do more harm than good.

 _Right, keep him talking._

“That wasn’t love. That was _never_ love! For a time I deluded myself into believing you liked me because I didn’t want to face what happened, that you only did it because you loved me. You made it abundantly clear how wrong I was. Now you expect me to come crawling back? You’re _sick,_ ” Light thundered but given Yamamoto’s wandering hands he seemed to have not heard a word he said. 

Light forcefully shoved him away. 

“I said _no!_ ” 

Yamamoto smirked sickly and it was then Light was certain that Kira wanted to do so much _worse_ than kill him.

“You want it.” 

“Not with you! _Never_ with you! You’re _evil!_ ” Light exclaimed as he struggled with the taller boy. He was well-aware his own mask was slipping but he couldn't hope to keep it up _now_ with Yamamoto forcing this. At the ugly look that passed over the other boy’s face, Light knew he shouldn’t have said that—that he’d set him off. Light knew from experience that the taller boy was stronger than he was and Yamamoto also had the advantage of being healthy. But having trained a little bit with L and having Rem there with him was making him bold and this wasn’t just about Kira anymore. This was about _Yamamoto,_ this was personal, this was someone he had liked and trusted who had betrayed him in the worst possible way.

The last time he had been in a fight with Yamamoto he had ended up pressed face down into the floor tiles of the boy’s locker room while Yamamoto did to him things which he was told “never happened to boys,” completely deaf to his pleas to stop. He had to see him every day after that, pretend that nothing had happened, lest _everyone_ know of his shame. _Because such things “never happen to boys.”_ But now things were different. Now he had an excuse. Yamamoto was Kira. _Now_ he was perfectly justified in taking him down—if only he could get his body to remember to move, _now,_ at this vital moment. But now that the moment had come he froze, every lesson L had ever taught him forgotten, buried under a haze of shock and fear. 

Light stumbled as Yamamoto ripped his cane away. He managed to dodge the first time the taller boy tried to strike him with it but it brutally struck his chin on the backswing. Light stumbled backwards, jostling a desk, and causing numerous glass vials to shatter on the floor. 

Before he could get his bearings Yamamoto was upon him, his fist slamming down into Light’s face. 

“You don’t mean that,” Yamamoto snarled and hit him again. “You wanted it.” 

“You’re _sick,_ ” Light hissed, spitting blood. 

_“You wanted it.”_

“Keep telling yourself that. We _both_ know what you are.” 

The murderer’s face darkened as he dropped the battered teen to the floor. 

“You _know_ you want it, you fucking faggot!” Yamamoto seethed as he withdrew another black notebook from his bag, this one with the words “DEATH NOTE” on the cover in stylized romanji characters. Light got the feeling that this time it was for real. “But if that’s what you really think… What a shame. We could’ve had something special!” 

Light ducked down, slamming his palms onto the linoleum as he executed the quick Scorpion Kick that Ryuuzaki had taught him—the heel of his foot impacting with Yamamoto’s chin. Light cursed, not only was he dizzy from Yamamoto’s beating, and he was still _learning_ and he was still regaining his strength after a week of confinement and near starvation—he hadn’t put _nearly_ enough power into the strike to incapacitate Yamamoto as he had hoped. But on the bright side he had succeeded in knocking the notebook out of his hands. That bright side lasted for about .05 seconds before the enraged killer was once again on him, kicking and punching. The taller boy leveled another kick into Light’s already bruised or cracked ribs. 

Yamamoto froze in mid-punch when he suddenly noticed the hickey on Light’s neck. 

“You weren’t lying about the boyfriend bit, were you?” 

“No,” Light coughed out, spitting up more blood and part of a chipped off portion of a tooth. So much for his perfect teeth—if he made it out alive he’d probably have to have extensive dental done work when this was over.

“Would it happen to be L?” 

“Elle?” He asked in between wheezing breaths, making sure to mask his surprise and fear behind a blank, confused look and affecting a puzzled tone, “I-isn’t that a girl’s name? ( _Cough!_ ) Why would I date a boy named Elle?” 

“I’m not _stupid,_ Yagami.” 

“Could’ve fooled me,” Light snapped and Yamamoto hit him again.

Light sagged in Yamamoto’s hold unable to remain standing on his own.

Light knew he really should stop provoking him—then again, it probably wouldn’t make a difference…

“You disappeared and then suddenly reappeared and L has been surprisingly quiet regarding my challenges of him… He ought to thank me, you know. After all I was the one who taught you to love cock.”

Light spat again, getting his blood on Yamamoto’s school uniform. Yamamoto pretended not to notice. 

“Join me, Light Imagay and I’ll even let you rule at my side as my queen!” 

Light wiped the blood from his mouth with an exaggerated sigh, “You know, you’re jokes never were funny.” 

Yamamoto, no _Kira,_ gave him a look of deep loathing, his glasses glinted eerily as he pushed them up the bridge of his nose. For a moment Light could have sworn that Yamamoto’s dark brown eyes carried a strange red tint as he casually retrieved the notebook from where it had fallen on the floor. 

“I see your true name. Yagami _Moon._ Even your name is gay,” Yamamoto laughed, idly twirling his pen. “Since you won’t join me, I’ll just have to use you in other ways. With this notebook I can keep you under my control for twenty three days. That’s plenty of time to get _everything_ I want out of you. I’ll make you tell me L’s name.” 

“Why do you think I’d even know it? Even if you were correct in your suspicions what makes you think _the L_ would ever put his partner in danger by blowing his cover? If you pursue this course of action you will gain _nothing_ and I will just die of a heart attack in forty seconds.” 

Yamamoto paused in his scribbling. “Damn, Light. You think of everything! You see this is why I need you at my side.” Yamamoto leaned back against the counter, laughing, blithely unconcerned about the proximity of the various chemicals.

Light struggled to get back on his feet but his body failed him at the critical moment. Of course the additional kicks Yamamoto had slammed him with while he was down hadn’t helped at all. 

“Not a chance!” Light sneered, peering up at him through his curtains of bloodied bangs, even while coughing up more blood. Surely he had it in him to mount one final charge to knock the notebook away? He was only a few feet away… his _life_ depended on it.

He even saw himself doing it—he’d slam Yamamoto into the counter in one final desperate act, maybe shove his smirking face into the Bunsen burner and hold him there until there was nothing left. 

But his exhausted limbs betrayed him and his attempt to rise only had him staggering and falling again. Light froze in terror as it began to sink in—he was utterly powerless and at his mercy, _again_ and given the way he was leering Light couldn’t even hope that he would make it quick—he would control him with the note, keep him for twenty three days as a soulless puppet to be used and abused until the day he died. The only thing he could hope for now is that Yamamoto worded something wrong that would cause it to default to a heart attack. 

“That’s too bad,” the bespectacled boy sighed regretfully as he pressed his fountain pen down onto the page. “Good-bye, _Moon._ ” Yamamoto sneered as he began to write Light’s name when Rem casually backhanded the vial of liquid nitrogen right into Kira’s writing hand. 

**“Oops,”** Rem spoke softly as Yamamoto instinctively clutched what remained of his shattered hand, screaming—so he was unlikely to register her presence even if he _could_ see or hear her. **“Oh, I’m sorry about that. My claws can be so clumsy at times.”**

“R-Rem?” Light was well-aware that Rem could get into serious trouble or even die if she were to act on his behalf. “What have you…?” 

**“He’ll live.”**

The injury was horrible—Yamamoto’s hand was _gone,_ and it appeared the boy had gone into shock but he wasn’t bleeding out. Rem hadn’t killed Yamamoto for him nor had she used her “fangs or claws” so from a Shinigami's standpoint she had done nothing wrong. 

Light made a mental note to never piss off Rem.


	15. I See The Blood On The Robe

Somehow Matsuda was the first on scene.

“Light-kun! You’re hurt!”

Matsuda and no one else. 

Later when he stopped to think about it, Light realized that the rookie had probably come to him under a direct violation of orders.

Light was still grateful to him for it. 

Not that he wasn’t grateful to Rem but Light was, admittedly still in shock over the whole thing—he could only stare, uncomprehending as Yamamoto kept rolling around, screaming on the floor while Rem ripped a page out of Yamamoto’s Death Note. Light belatedly realized it was the page that his classmate had almost killed him with. Yamamoto had only needed to write a single stroke more to kill him. 

There was no way in hell Rem was going to leave that lying around. The Shinigami dispassionately held the page in the fire of the Bunsen burner until it burned to ashes. 

Light winced but managed to get to his knees at the very least. He was already bracing himself for a long lecture from his attending physician; after all taking a brutal beating was generally not a recommended activity when one was still recovering from the effects of muscle atrophy and starvation. 

“Y-yeah, but I’ll be alright. Yamamoto needs medical attention. His hand—or what’s left of it.” 

Upon seeing the injury Matsuda turned an interesting shade of green. 

Bits of bone were visible among the smoking, congealed blood where the other boy’s wrist should be. 

Light shivered slightly. Rem made an odd cooing noise and covered him with a stray lab coat. Seeing that Light was in good hands Matsuda focused on Yamamoto—detaining the suspect and administering first aid. 

Matsuda wasn’t a genius, Light knew that and _Matsuda_ clearly knew that, but it was obvious to Light that the rookie was still far more competent than his colleagues gave him credit for. 

Only after it was already over did the rest of the taskforce finally show up in full riot gear and Light’s earpiece crackled to life with the sounds of L’s voice “Light-kun, are you alright? We sent you backup...” 

It was nobodies’ fault. As it turned out the cavalry was delayed by a set of variables that not even the Great L, in all his infinite wisdom, could have accounted for. While Light was having his confrontation with Yamamoto, just as L had sent the taskforce in a _gang war_ had broken out on campus and only Matsuda, who had gotten lost… or rather _separated_ from the others, managed to carry out the original objective. The rest of the taskforce had been distracted subduing multiple subjects who had shooting into some crowded classrooms. 

Still it seemed an odd coincidence that a gang war would spontaneously spring up _right when_ Kira had revealed himself to Light. They knew Kira could control people’s actions and L made a note to check the notebook but figured that if Yamamoto was smart about it he might have disposed of the used pages of the note beforehand so they might never know for sure. 

That was when Rem helpfully explained that one couldn’t use the notebook to control someone to murder others… unless, perhaps, if the names were written in concert. Well, if there were miraculously no student casualties and if the perpetrators died mysterious deaths within 23 days of the incident that might indicate that they were controlled. 

As the taskforce secured the scene Light and Rem briefly filled them all in on what happened.

“Kira did seem a little distracted as far as we could tell. I suppose he could have set it up in advance… or it might have been a complete coincidence. Ryuuzaki, have you _seen_ some of the kids at my school? If it really was a gang war I wouldn’t be surprised in the least. Especially Sudou—I never trusted that guy.” 

“You’ve already found Kira?” L snapped in obvious surprise. 

Light nodded and then realized that L might not be able to see that depending on where and on what the eccentric detective put the cameras. 

“Yes. Or, well, Kira found me. Matsuda has him now...”

“Hmmmm…” 

“It’s over.” Aizawa sighed in relief. 

Just then the sight of the floating lab coat and the talk of Shinigami and notebooks by the police seemed to be what snapped Yamamoto out of his shock. 

“Your Shinigami… is _helping you?_ ” Yamamoto rasped.

No. That wasn’t right! Why wasn’t _his Shinigami_ helping him? _He_ was the one fighting for justice! 

“Ryuk! Ryuk, KILL THEM ALL! _KILL THEM NOW!_ ”

Yamamoto ordered, completely hysterical. _"WRITE! WRITE!"_

Ryuk grinned. **“Alright… I’ll write it.”**

**“Ryuk, _don’t you dare!_ ”**

Rem snapped and Aizawa and Matsuda began wildly shooting in the general area of the threat that both Kira and Rem had addressed. 

“Everyone! Stop it! _This is a science lab!_ " Light shouted over the sounds of gunfire and as if to underscore that point there was a small explosion off in a corner when one of the officer’s bullets grazed a bubbling vial of _something._

_“YES! YES! WRITE THEIR NAMES! WRITE IT NOW! WRITE!”_ Yamamoto shouted with insane glee; his eyes tinged with a sinister crimson as he began laughing maniacally. 

**“Ryuk, what have you done?”** Rem roared as she tried to wrest the notebook out of his dark, clawed hands. 

**“Chill,”** the other Shinigami said as he showed her the notebook. **“Is that a problem?”**

Upon seeing what was written Rem ceased her struggles immediately. **“No…”** Rem began in a noticeably softer tone. **“Thank you, Ryuk. And I’m sorry.”** After all, it was a rather rude thing to do to try and take another Shinigami’s notebook. 

**“Tch. I didn’t do it for _you._ Honestly, what are you thinking? Getting attached to humans—I mean, sure they’re interesting but…”**

It was only then that the humans saw what was written in Ryuk’s notebook. 

“I’m gonna die? _I DON’T WANT TO DIE! STOP IT!_ ” Yamamoto shrieked and with insane strength broke out of Matsuda's hold to lunge at, and _through_ Ryuk who had phased out before he could even reach him. Kira then turned to where his traumatized former friend was gaping at him, torn between horror and sympathy. 

“Light! _LIGHT!_ You always have the answers! Do something, please! _MAKE IT STOP!_ " Yamamoto pleaded as he grabs the lapels of Light’s school uniform. 

" _Make it stop?_ " Light repeated tonelessly, any lingering sympathy for his former friend snuffed out in an instant as he coldly watched Yamamoto's flailing. 

**“Nothing can stop it. You should know how this works by now."** Ryuk chided as Yamamoto clutched his chest in agony. 

“I’m sorry...” Yamamoto gasped as pain unlike any other flooded his senses and the world began to go dark. _“I’m so sorry.”_

Light wasn’t sure how it came to be that he was holding the other boy in his arms as the light faded from his eyes until they became glassy and unseeing. 

It took L shouting at him over the receiver and Aizawa shaking his shoulder to bring him back to the moment—to remember where and even who he was. In truth, Yamamoto's death had deeply disturbed him. 

Objectively, Light knew that Yamamoto, _Kira_ was absolute trash who didn't deserve his sympathy but he felt it anyway and he hated himself for it. 

Sorry. Yamamoto was _sorry._

Sorry for what he did to him? Sorry for all the people he killed? 

No. Of course not. 

Sure he was sorry—he was sorry he got caught. 

The lack of personal responsibility was appalling.

And even after everything he did he _still_ expected Light to somehow save him?

Yet Light still felt guilty that he _couldn't,_ that he _didn't._ And that even if he _could_... he probably wouldn't. 

He would sit there and watch him die all over again. Perhaps even with a smile on his face! And _that_ scared the hell out of him even if it was nothing more than Yamamoto deserved. 

But as much as he would like to Light couldn't rejoice at the fall of Kira... and he felt guilt for _wanting_ to! Light mainly felt disgust at the moment—mostly towards himself. Disgust that he felt sorry for Kira but also disgust that he wanted to rejoice in his death—because if he could think like _that_ , really, how did that make him any better than Kira? 

Perhaps Ryuuzaki was right about him all along. 

Light stared down at the shell of the monstrous boy who had seemed so powerful as an anonymous killer but in the end he was nothing more than a coward. His abrupt demise was still more than a bit unsettling to Light—if Death could claim _Kira_ the so-called "God" so easily what did that say for the rest of them? But that was just the thing—Kira was not a God. 

Light had _known_ this and yet still, _unconsciously_ he supposed he'd been, just a bit, in awe of Kira's power even though neither Kira's actions nor Kira himself were anything worth worshiping. Kira was once just a boy who had been his friend who had done the unforgivable—both to him and the world. 

And then there was the fact that he was murdered by his own Shinigami. 

_No. Rem would never do that. She would die first... Hello again, guilt._

Light startled slightly when Rem gave him a comforting pat on the back. 

***

“Light…?” L prompted when he returned to their room with yet another slice of the Chocolate Victory Cake Watari had made for them. Even now the party was still raging at police headquarters. It was ridiculous, really. Said party was mostly being thrown by the police who abandoned the case and who hadn’t actually done anything. None of the remaining taskforce who actually witnessed the fall of Kira felt much like celebrating what had been a tragedy—a teenager’s descent into madness that had destroyed so many lives.   
Or perhaps he was already mad. 

L knew he would have a better understanding of Yamamoto’s motives and mental state if Light were to open up about just when and how he’d been victimized by his former friend—L could have created a better timeline about what happened—but Light, naturally, didn’t want to talk about it and L didn’t want to press him. It was a moot point—whether or not Yamamoto was under the influence of a magic notebook didn’t excuse his actions in any case and L decided it wasn’t worth it to force Light to relive that just to understand Kira a little bit better.

Despite not feeling much like celebrating the Kira Taskforce had attended the party anyway—their attendance being compulsory and it was a socially acceptable excuse to get absolutely smashed. 

Because, naturally, it wasn’t _just Kira_ —the taskforce had just thwarted an attempted school shooting _and_ learned what was done to the Chief’s son—on top of what _they_ put him through.

We’re he so inclined L would be drinking with them. However the genius detective L preferred not to indulge in activities that could potentially result in a loss of brain cells. 

Besides, sugar was his poison of choice. 

L could only look on with concern when Light had just smiled and shook hands with the other officers, his father’s bosses, top brass and government officials, retreating behind his masks again. 

L nodded to himself. Yes, he _would_ pay the therapy bills… and Light would attend the sessions—whether he wanted to or not. This was non-negotiable. L even made a deal with Rem to make sure that Light attended. 

Ryuk had robbed them of any closure, Kira would never see a courtroom… though perhaps that was for the best—if they had gone to trial the notebook would have become public knowledge and no good would have come of that. 

The sun was setting outside their window and yet his boyfriend still sat unmoving on the edge of his bed. 

L offered him his cake but Light waved it away—a response, at least. Light had eaten his earlier even though he was sure to regret it later—he’d accepted it graciously and politely thanked them for it even though it tasted like ashes in his mouth. 

“I’m fine,” Light insisted when L crouched on the bed next to him. 

“Light, we talked about this…”

“Fine. I’m _not_ fine.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

“No.”

“Okay. Let’s talk about something else then.”

Light gave a put upon sigh as he tore his empty gaze away from the wall. 

“Like what?”

“Let’s talk about the notebook.”

Light shot him a dirty look.

L smirked and offered him cake again.

Light just rolled his eyes but allowed his boyfriend to feed him.

Light made the mental note that L’s usually messy hair looked even more tussled after a rough shagging. 

L was half asleep when Light finally capitulated with a grumbled. “Fine.”


	16. Cold Hearts Continue To Haunt You

“Did they tell you guys where we’re going?” Matsuda complained again, just short of whining. _“Are we there yet?”_ seemed to be the theme of the day. The sun was beating down on them heavily as they trudged along the barely-there dirt path through the arborous nature park. 

Aizawa was now regretting wearing his work clothes to work. He scowled, slightly. Naturally, only L and Light were currently dressed for this because only they knew what went on in each other’s heads. Aizawa was also regretting not bringing a hat, but then he hadn’t wanted to mess up his hair… 

He tried not to sneeze as he sniffed in the pollen and the distinctive earthen smell that goes along with, well, trudging through the dirt. 

He failed.

Aizawa felt his cheeks burning as L and Light turned to glare at him in unison and Matsuda gleefully shushed him. 

“Quiet, Matsuda,” he snapped tersely in response to Matsuda’s earlier question and to cover his own embarrassment.

It irked him that he was just in the dark as Matsuda was. 

When the two resident genii got into their discussions it was like they were off in their own little world (both in and out of the bedroom) and only on occasion did they remember to include the rest of the class in their discussions. Only Rem seemed to be able to break through to them when they got like this and so often acted as an intermediary between them and the rest of the taskforce when the Dynamic Duo forgot the rest of the world existed.

Aizawa noticed they’d grown closer after the fall of Kira. Still… _Light with L?_ The chief’s son with the neurotic detective? _Together? That was so strange!_ Aizawa still couldn’t quite wrap his head around it—there was no accounting for taste he supposed. (No, he was not still bitter about losing his bet to Matsuda...)

“Ryuuzaki said we’re going to the park today,” Mogi grunted as he shouldered the pack Light had insisted they needed full of tools and spades but felt like it contained bricks. 

At first L had childishly insisted that Light be the one to carry it, momentarily forgetting that Light was still recovering from muscle atrophy and the affects of his confinement and Rem had looked about ready to box L’s ears so Mogi had gallantly come to the rescue. 

“I knew that much,” Matsuda protested. They all did. Ryuuzaki had announced it, seemingly on a whim that they were going to the park today. Though he supposed they should have gotten a hint upon seeing, Light, of all people _dressing down_ and wearing a simple black tracksuit. 

“But I want to know why!” 

They all did. This was all real hush-hush. Even by L’s standards. 

The taskforce fell silent and felt a slight chill as the ominous shadow of batwings fell over them—they hadn’t been aware that the Shinigami had been eavesdropping. She was surprisingly quiet and unobtrusive despite her large and fearsome appearance. 

**“The notebook,”** Rem hissed before gliding on ahead in order to catch up with Ryuk who was floating just behind Light and L. 

_“Oh!”_ Matsuda exclaimed in comprehension. _That_ explained the secrecy

**“There are no other humans within a fifty kilometer radius.”**

Light nodded as Rem gave her report. “Thank you, Rem.” 

Ryuk rolled his eyes. 

The dark, clown-like Shinigami had taken to following L around after he became the owner of Yamamoto’s notebook. Aizawa had been the first to pick it up after Yamamoto’s death but upon learning that meant Ryuk would be following him around everywhere for the rest of his life he gladly passed ownership over to L. He didn’t want that _thing_ anywhere near his wife and daughter and L was eager to study it. 

Ryuk laughed. **“I can’t believe you’re taking orders from humans! I would never do that!”**

Rem shrugged. **“It passes the time.”**

**“You mean it’s… fun?”**

**“I suppose that’s one way to look at it. I find it gratifying.”**

**_“HEY! HEY HUMANS! IF YOU GIVE ME AN APPLE, I’LL LOOK TOO!”_ **

L cocked his head slightly to regard the other Shinigami. 

“I’m afraid we don’t have any apples at the moment but I’ll keep that in mind.” 

Light shivered slightly next to him, carefully maneuvering with his cane around the rocks and dips in the path. Despite the heat of the sun when the bitingly cold breeze buffeted him in the face Light found himself wishing he had brought a scarf as Rem had suggested. 

“I wish the stupid weather would make up its damn mind already,” Light grumbled under his breath. 

L smirked beside him. “You know, I’m rather partial to rainstorms. If Shinigami-sama is taking suggestions?” 

_“NO!”_ chorused the taskforce upon hearing L’s suggestion. Only Aizawa had thought to bring an umbrella. 

“No need to shout in unison,” L winced. 

**“I have no control over the weather,”** Rem informed him. 

“A pity,” the detective frowned while Ryuk cackled mockingly in the background. 

Light led them all out to that tranquil forest clearing—it was silent but for the occasional twittering of birds. L found it most ironic that it was here, in this peaceful place, that Light had hidden a weapon of mass destruction. 

***

After many arguments and much convincing (both in and out of the bedroom) Light had finally acquiesced to surrender the notebook to L’s custody. 

“I can assure you that all the people in this room are trustworthy,” L had promised. “You’re going to have to trust us, Light-kun.”

Light hoped it was so because Ryuuzaki did have a point. 

“Light-kun is very clever. I’m sure it is as secure as it can be. But no matter how secure your system is, it isn’t as secure as it could be with me on account that I have more money and resources at my disposal.”

“What do you propose?”

“A vault at the bottom of the sea. DNA-locked and password protected to just the people in this room.” 

_That would be safer… provided they kept their word and no one used it. However…_

“I will make arrangements,” L assured him, “Light-kun can touch the notebook every 490 days so that he will retain ownership.” 

Well, that solved the final issue. 

“After all, Rem is a useful police resource…”

_“Ryuuzaki…”_ Light and his father had scolded in unison. 

“And a good friend to Light-kun,” the beleaguered detective had amended. 

It might have sounded callous the way he said it, but it was true. Rem was a great help to both L and the police—she could get into places that were too dangerous, not to mention physically (or _legally_ ) impossible, for the police and, for example if the evidence the crooks had secured behind a fortress of protections _just happened_ to fall into the arresting officer’s waiting hands well, who were they to question it? 

***

Light shivered slightly as he crouched in the shadow of the knotted tree and his spade bit into the Earth. Despite the brutal sun the wind still had a bite to it and he again regretted his choice of the light-weight tracksuit. Then again if he had worn anything heavier he would be sweltering. 

Moving hurt, he still had issues with nerves and chronic pain… Of course he was in the process of weaning himself off the pain killers this week, he didn’t want to become addicted, which only made all this worse… 

But only he could do this. 

So Light suffered in silence as he gently unearthed the notebook... or rather the device that _contained_ the notebook.

When the others approached to help Light waved the officers back. “No, I need to get it out and I need to open it. It needs to be opened in just the right way…”

“Or it won’t open?” asked Matsuda. 

“Just… stay back.” 

The taskforce watched in dawning horror as Light defused a series of progressively more lethal boobie traps. L was actually quite impressed that Light had managed to construct all that from supplies found at the local hardware store. Light wiped the sweat from his brow when he finally diffused the last of the traps which was, in essence, a bomb. 

“I see. Or it triggers the bomb and the notebook is destroyed.”

“It was a temporary solution,” Light insisted as he retrieved the notebook from the box, unconsciously _caressing_ the cover as he held it in his hands, “I had to hide it out of sight. It would have been too much of a temptation otherwise.”

_“LIGHT!”_ his father scolded, “Do you have any idea how dangerous this was?!” 

L observed the whole exchange while biting his thumb nail—Light looked haunted (which just seemed cruelly ironic when L remembered that in essence he was). 

“Yes. But wouldn’t it be more dangerous to let someone get a hold of the notebook?” Light reasoned, “A weapon of mass destruction that can kill anyone on the planet at anytime? We can’t risk unleashing it on the world.” 

“He does have a point, Yagami-san,” L interjected. 

“Besides it’s not going to be blowing up some innocent. You have to be looking for it in order to get this far.” 

Souichiro sighed and wiped imaginary smudge off his glasses. “You underestimate the ingenuity of children.” 

Light looked ill. He had been careful to put it somewhere far away from people; remote, inaccessible, so that neither he nor anyone else could easily get to it but he knew that was never a 100% guarantee that no one would mess with it and out of necessity, he had to put it next to a recognizable (interesting) landmark so he would be able to find it again. 

“There’s no need for that,” L placated, “It’s over and done with and I’ll make sure it’s no longer a danger to anyone.” 

Light felt his chapped lips parting in shock as L defended him—he had the idle thought that his boyfriend looked absolutely stunning with his tangled black hair whipping in the wind. When L held out his hand Light handed over the notebook without another thought.

“Thank you, Light-kun,” L said bluntly as he had Watari seal it into what appeared to be a nuclear briefcase—it had so many locking mechanisms on it. 

Light approved. 

L gave him a hand up and didn’t let go until they were out of the woods and getting into one of L’s limos with Watari and Souichiro so they could discussed where they would go from here. 

It had already been decided by Light and L that it would be better for Light’s psychological well-being to travel the world with L solving-cases than to be crammed back into a box for four more years.

“But what about Touhou?” Souichiro demanded. 

“Watari runs a school himself and I can assure you that a degree there opens even more doors than Tohou.” 

_“Watari?”_ Souichiro asked in confusion.

L’s “butler” nodded. 

“Tell me, Mr. Yagami have you ever heard of Wammy’s House?”


	17. Epilogue

**Many Years Later**

L frowned as he watched Light pace in agitation—he was wound up so tight, fists clenched at his sides. Of course L knew a sure way of helping Light to relieve tension but that would be… inappropriate here and L doubted Light would appreciate that thought at the moment. 

“Light-kun… relax. She’ll be okay,” L assured but even L’s soothing baritone failed to quell his agitation. L noted that his husband appeared almost as nervous as Rem had been before the doors had closed on both of them.

 _“You can’t know that!”_ Light snapped, his pale beige trench coat billowing dramatically behind him as he continued to pace surely wearing a groove in the hospital waiting room floor. 

“With the amount of pacing you’re doing one would think _you_ were the father,” Mello laughed. 

Light made a face. “Don’t be gross. That’s my _sister_ you’re talking about.”

Sayu had begun accompanying them shortly after she got together with Rem—much to Light’s discomfort. He wasn’t sure how that came about, actually, but they seemed happy somehow so he tried to be happy for them. He supposed that if you ignored the fact that they were both different species they actually did have quite a few things in common—they both had a fondness for fashion and pop idols, they were both (sometimes irritatingly) protective of him, they had both developed something of an interest in human psychology, and, apparently, they both liked girls. 

It was just as much of a surprise for Rem—sexuality wasn’t something Shinigami often contemplated to begin with and, given that she was an immortal Death God who had seen countless eons, she was rather old-fashioned. Further complicating things she had been very close with Gelus and later Light but save for those two notable exceptions, which may have been cases of close friendship rather than attraction, she found she did tend to favor other females. 

Light was a bit uncomfortable with it—after all, it was his little sister and his Shinigami who was like a second mother to him— _together._ He didn’t want to think about how their relationship worked no more than he wanted to contemplate his parents having sex. But again, it was his sister and the Shinigami who had been like a mother to him and his slight personal discomfort was hardly reason enough to object to them getting together. As long as they were happy he would support them. It would be hypocritical not to after they had so strongly supported him after he got together with L—Rem kept the nosy taskforce out of their business and Sayu was his main defender whenever Light happened to stop by for a family visit and Sachiko had taken to, _loudly,_ discussing the “cuteness” of the neighbor girls whenever he entered the room. Sayu had finally shut her up with the suggestion that if she was so interested in them why didn’t _she_ date them? 

Hell it was Light’s own fault that Rem and Sayu even met. 

Well, his and L’s. 

After being kidnapped one too many times by L’s enemies—an occupational hazard, Light found, of being L’s liaison or “shield”—L had insisted that Light carry a weapon for protection which Light still thought was overkill. Nothing too bad had yet come of the kidnapping attempts—he had Rem to help spring him free and he had always managed to sneak or fight his way out without too many complications—Light had taken his self-defense classes very seriously and L had hired _his_ Capoeira teacher, Naomi Misora who’d come out of retirement to teach him and become his partner in the field (after a failed marriage to a total asshole. When Light eventually learned the whole story Raye Penber was very lucky that Light wasn't Kira and found killing to be morally objectionable. It was truly a shame they couldn't take legal action... though Misora's student may or may not have left a flaming bag of dog shit on the man's doorstep with the help of a certain pair of Shinigami... neighborhood kids—you know how they are.) 

Light dutifully attended his lessons and Naomi kicked his ass on a bi-weekly basis until he’d learned a thing or two. Light knew that both Naomi and L were leagues ahead of him in that regard but he had more charm and people skills then either of them and that proved invaluable when Light spoke to the local police agencies on L’s behalf. 

But then after that one time he got shot in the shoulder L suddenly decided his carrying a piece of the notebook wasn’t such a bad idea after all and Rem had wholeheartedly agreed. Light didn’t see what they were complaining about. It was a calculated risk and even Naomi agreed it had to be done—the mission was a success, and he’d managed to escape (read _stagger_ ) back to the safe house before he bled out—but L and Rem were having none of it. Light resented their accusations—he didn’t think he was being a reckless idiot and what was he supposed to do? Let them continue to traffic kids? He had to get them out of there! So what if he had to put himself on the board? It’s not like he hadn’t before. He made do with the pieces he had at the moment and while L’s way may have been far safer Light found that sometimes he just had to act as his own chess piece because no one else could do the job. 

And ultimately his plan had worked and he and Naomi had saved so many lives… 

That didn’t stop the angry, worried lecture. 

No, he did not have a death wish… (at least not as much as he once did.) 

He really liked living. He liked his life now. Of course things would never be perfect but he had things he could do to distract himself from that. It really had just been a calculated risk and he was more than capable of fighting his own battles… 

Light pouted—it wasn’t a fair fight, them ganging up on him like that, but he knew he’d been defeated. 

Light still didn’t like the idea of carrying a weapon. He supposed he could have carried a gun or something—Matsuda had shown him how to shoot the last time he’s been sent as a liaison for the NPA and he occasionally did in countries where it was legal to do so—but Light was never real comfortable with it. Guns were so obvious and statistically too often those carrying them for protection were overpowered and killed with their own weapons. The same was true of knives—after the night of his attack Light wasn’t overly fond of knives. But after a long and heated debate L and Rem had agreed that a scrap of the notebook was perfect as an emergency weapon. 

Light still didn’t like the temptation of the Death Note and how easy it made things but L finally got him to agree to it when he reminded him that his recklessness was putting _Rem_ in danger because his Shinigami would gladly sacrifice herself to save his life no matter how much of a stubborn idiot he was being. 

Not that he had yet to resort to using the notebook—the scrap had just sat in his wallet, unused, and that’s how Sayu had accidentally come into contact with it when she was rifling through his wallet, “borrowing” his money. Ever since the Sayu-incident Light had taken to carrying the notebook scrap in a hidden compartment in his watch as it occurred to both Light and L that it wouldn’t do the world any good if even a scrap of the notebook were to fall into the hands of criminals. Light still wasn’t sure how the stern talking-to Rem had given his sister about minding other people’s property had turned into their current relationship but then again, given how he first met L he would have never expected how things developed between them either. 

“Mello does have a point,” Near observed from his LEGO fort on the floor when the agitated brunet never ceased in his pacing—even as Near grabbed up more of the floor space with his toys and LEGOS. At this rate it was only a matter of time before disaster struck and they collided… or at the very least Light stepped on a LEGO. “You _are_ being a bit of a Drama King. You don’t see such an emotional response from _L_.” 

Mello rolled his eyes. “Yeah, but L doesn’t get emotional.” 

Light could have attested to how wrong they were—he knew first hand that L could be _quite emotional_ given the proper stimuli—but it didn’t seem worth the effort. Besides, for whatever reason it seemed that L preferred to seem like a heartless bastard to his Successors and top students—probably so they wouldn’t bother him come exam time. 

“I think L has more cause to be agitated seeing as he’s the _actual father…_ ” 

“ _Excuse me?_ I have plenty of cause! Did you miss the part where that’s _my sister_ and my… er… _other mom..._ ” 

“Huh. I never thought of that. That must be kinda weird for you,” Linda piped up from the sofa where she sat idly sketching Ryuk who was floating above all of them, looking vaguely amused as he casually licked at the caramel apple on a stick that L had given him. 

“Yeah… It’s no big deal though.” 

“I was just the sperm donor,” L protested as he delicately picked up a gummy worm between thumb and forefinger. 

Despite being harped on, most unjustly, by their parents for years Sayu was not a baby factory and she would live her life on her own terms. She chose to wait until after she had a successful career working as a psychologist and consultant for L’s team. It wouldn’t be until years later, after she talked it over with Rem and they decided they wanted children. Then they talked it over with L, her brother’s husband, so that the father wouldn’t be a complete stranger. 

“I had little to do with the actual process. But Mello is correct on that point—no amount of pacing will affect the outcome so do try to relax, Light-kun.” 

_“Ha!”_ Matt barked out a laugh, “You’re one to talk! You’re just as nervous as he is!”

 _“What?!”_ Light and Mello snapped at once because L didn’t look particularly nervous as far as they could see, at least not at first glance—L was wearing his usual blank, emotionless mask as he squatted on the edge of the waiting room couch eating his way through his pile of gummy candies. 

“Look at how much candy he’s eaten,” Matt somehow observed from behind his shockingly orange goggles and PSP game that he brought with him whenever he went out. Light knew from long acquaintance with him that Matt meant no disrespect in doing so—both his goggles and his games were comfort items to help ease the man’s extreme social anxiety. 

Light gasped when he saw what Matt was talking about—it just went to show how anxious Light was (or distracted they _all_ were) as well that it was _Matt_ who made the observation—Light was usually the best when it came to reading L’s emotions and Matt typically didn’t pay attention to his friend’s drama unless it directly affected him or his games… 

Light threw his arms up in alarm as Near flicked a LEGO towards his face. 

_“What are you…?!”_

“Build LEGOs with me,” the white-haired boy demanded. 

“But…”

“It’ll help you relax,” Near insisted with a flash of coal black eyes that brooked no argument. 

L somehow managed to hold in his amusement when Light sighed and joined Near on the floor. 

Mello, however, had no such compunctions and laughed at both of them but everyone just ignored him—especially Matt who took care to ignore him extra hard and even roll his eyes at his partner’s antics. 

Light had struck up an odd friendship with the withdrawn, white-haired boy while auditing classes at Wammy’s House—L kind of got the sense that Light viewed him as a younger brother. So it was an odd bit of role reversal to see Near be the assertive one. L kind of got the impression that Light had been the one to reach out and draw him out of his carefully constructed walls. L was glad to see it. Near was his successor (it was a given considering that Matt and Light and Linda had abstained from the running, opting for other positions inside Wammy’s House) he really needed to assert himself more. 

Light chuckled slightly as Near insisted they needed Guard Dragons for their LEGO castle. 

L scowled slightly—he couldn’t help but be a bit jealous that Near had managed to gain Light’s attention when he himself failed to do so. Intellectually L knew he was being ridiculous—that Light loved him and that Near had no interest in romance—but It didn’t stop the feelings of slight discomfort whenever he saw them together even though he knew, _intellectually,_ that Light was only being polite and Near was no threat to him. It didn’t help that Near was his successor and while a successor was necessary for his and Wammy’s legacy L always felt more than a bit insecure with the idea of being replaced.

“Light-kun…”

“What is it…?” Light began only to be surprised (yet not) when he saw L pushing a gummy worm on him. 

“I’m fine, Ryuuzaki.” 

“Take it,” L insisted rather gruffly. 

Light sighed and accepted the candy—putting it in his linty coat pocket—there really was no arguing with L when he got into one of his moods… 

Light startled when a surprisingly exhausted-looking Rem floated in through the wall.

“How did it go?” asked L. 

The Shinigami tiredly rubbed her eyes. 

“It went alright… considering.” 

“Considering what?”

Rem just shook her head in exasperation. “Human doctors. They treat the whole process like Matt tinkering on his car. It’s like they decided to make the process as difficult as possible for the mother—making her push against gravity—it would be far more sensible to do it squatting rather than lying on a table…” 

Matt jolted when he heard the Shinigami mention his name. “What I do?” 

“Actually, that’s a bad example," Mello observed, "Matt _loves_ his Camaro…” 

“…Probably more than you, Mello,” Near put in. 

The leather-clad blond growled and launched himself at his lover, becoming rather insistent about getting his attention. (Mello bit his neck and Matt just complained about him messing up his game—so in other words it was a usual interaction between them.)

Then the nurse came in, announcing it was a girl, as they already knew… months ago. 

“You can see them now.” 

“ _Sayu!_ How are you doing—” Light came to a screeching stop mid-sentence as his sister met him with a most impressive death glare. 

“Right… stupid question.” 

“ _Ugh!_ I am never doing that again!” Sayu groaned even with the steady drip of the painkillers everything ached. “Next time I let them convince me my ‘biological clock is ticking’ I’m sending them your way,” Sayu warned. 

“I can’t get pregnant,” Light felt the need to point out. 

Mello loudly snorted into Matt’s neck. 

“You know that’s not what I meant!” 

“Well… I donated some sperm to science, does that count?”

L stifled a snort of his own. “I suggest you retreat with caution, Light-kun,” L advised using his best “mission-control” voice. 

“Fine… alright. I’ll adopt. I’ll adopt… Hey, Near, can I adopt you?”

“Sure,” Near replied blandly as he drove Optimus Prime in truck form across the floor. 

“See? That’s settled.” 

Sayu squinted at the pale young man playing on the floor. “Methinks he’s a little too old for adopting.” 

“Don’t be rude to my son.” 

“Then get your ass over here and look at my daughter.” 

“Alright sis—since you worked so very hard on her.”

Sayu groaned. “You’re lucky I’m so tired or I would hit you.” 

Light laughed lightly and Near just shook his head. “ _Children._ ”

“Linda, please hit him for me,” Sayu whined, shaking her sweat-drenched bangs from her eyes.

“Dammit Ryuk! Hold still!” said artist complained when her subject moved out of the pose he had been holding to better observe the drama enfolding. 

**_“S-sorry,”_** the Shinigami stammered and corrected his pose. 

Light sometimes wondered if it was just a matter of bribed apples or if there was something going on between them but then he decided he didn’t want to know. 

“I think she’s busy,” Light observed. 

“Oh don’t worry I can threaten you with an exacto knife later,” Linda cut in casually without ever taking her attention off her canvas. 

Rem crossed her bony arms. “Threatening Light with bodily harm is not allowed.” 

“Fine. Then I’ll just get Naomi to do it during one of your self-defense lessons.” 

“Ryuuzaki, please save me from your students—especially Linda—she’s evil!” 

“I’m sure Light-kun can fight his own battles.” 

Light scowled at the smirking detective “Now you’re just playing dirty.” 

“Would you like to hold the baby?” the nurse suddenly asked and L froze in fear. 

“Why is she asking me?” L hissed, while hastily switching to English. 

Near snorted. “You’re the father. You have parental rights.” 

“Light… hold her for me,” L demanded. 

“What? _Why?_ ” 

“Because you’re my husband and it takes more than a thumb and forefinger to support a baby. I don’t want to drop her.” 

“You could, I don’t know, just… _hold her normally?_ ” Light began but L violently shook his head. 

“No. I want you to do it.” 

Light sighed, he knew for a fact L was perfectly capable—he was just being difficult. 

“So if _I_ drop her it’s on me?”

“Yes.”

“You see, Kasumi,” Light sighed, addressing his new, sleeping niece, “this is the thing I love most about your father—how _chivalrous_ he is.” 

“It’s not gonna kill you, Light-bulb,” Mello opined from his spot lounging on the couch… in Matt’s lap.

Light suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. “Then why don’t you do it?” 

“No way, I’ve done my quota of babysitting—I had to work with _Near_ today.” 

“How rude,” Near observed while pulling on his snowy curls. “But to be expected. It seems Mello is feeling inferior again and wants to deflect attention from the fact he is scared of a baby.” 

“I’m not scared... I don’t see _you_ volunteering,” Mello taunted. 

Near scowled. “You know I hate children.” 

_“Ha!”_ Mello crowed triumphantly. 

“Hate is not the same as fear.” 

“Not from where I’m standing.”

“You’re sitting.”

“Must you be so literal?”

The rest of the room collectively rolled their eyes as Mello and Near continued to snipe at each other. 

Most would assume that L’s successors would be more excited to see birth of the man’s son and the latest addition to Wammy’s family. 

They would assume wrong. 

In truth L’s successors were pretty much obligated to attend due to their constant battle of one-upmanship. They didn’t go so much to support Sayu, Rem, L, and Light but because it would look bad if they _didn’t_ go—being a successor meant you had to at least _pretend_ to care about L’s affairs. 

“You guys… it’s just a baby. It’s not contagious!” Sayu groaned. 

“Though in Near’s case you have to wonder…” 

“Fuck you.” 

“Near, _language!_ ” “Watch your mouth in front of the kid!” Matt and Mello gasped, scandalized. 

“Oh I see how it is. You guys can curse 24/7 but I do it _once_ and I’m the bad guy.” 

“It’s not that you said it it’s _when_ you said it…” 

Near forcefully snapped a LEGO in place. “I know I don’t have your so-called ‘Social Skills’ but there’s no need to rub it in.” 

"“Yes we do,” Mello announced cheerily. 

“It’s okay, Near. You don’t have to listen to them. They’re idiots.” 

Thank you, Light. Though I was planning on doing that anyways.” 

“Ahem!” The nurse cleared her throat and Sayu glared daggers at them all. 

“Why doesn’t Linda do it? She’s a woman.” 

"Excellent observation skills, Near," the blond quipped. 

"And again, _fuck you._ " 

Light groaned and covered his face with his hand. "At this rate that's going to be baby's first words."

“You guys can see I’m busy,” the brunette huffed as she shaded in the Shinigami taking form on her canvas in heavy pencil lead, “and really what does that have to do with anything?”

“Dammit! Where’s Misora when you need her?” Mello moaned. 

“She’s on her honeymoon with Matsuda-san… and I’m going to tell her you said that,” L informed the suddenly pale and shaking Mello. 

Light shook his head in faux sympathy as he reached out and carefully took hold of the baby. “It’s been nice knowing you.” It was tough sometimes… being the only responsible one in the group. “You’d better not throw up on my suit, little miss,” Light sternly warned the sleeping child who Light noted was already sporting a dark fuzz of hair that matched both of her parents. 

L rolled his eyes. “If she does I’ll just buy you a new one. You know I’m beginning to suspect that Sayu-kun was incorrect about it not being contagious,” L murmured as he observed them from the safety of the couch. “I’m _really_ beginning to wonder just which one of them is the actual baby.” 

“Until you’re willing to hold the baby you have no room to talk… Huh… she has your toes.” 

“Light-kun thinks he is amusing.”

“No, I’m serious. _Look!_ ”

L reluctantly left the couch to inspect the strange new child that shared half his genetic code. L brought a thumb to his lips, unconsciously mirroring the child in Light’s arms.

“She’s hungry. Give her here,” Sayu said tiredly as she brought the baby to her breast. 

“Okay guys, I think that’s more than enough excitement for now," declared the nurse. Apparently visiting hours were over. 

"Unseen by the nurse a certain violet-haired Shinigami assisted in shooing them out. 

Light lingered in the door to watch Rem drape a bony arm around his sister as they both cooed at their daughter. He didn't want to admit it but on some days he kind of missed having Rem's exclusive attention. Ryuk hung out with him and L more often now but it just wasn't the same. While Ryuk was fun to hang out with (despite the fact the other monster killed his one-time friend... Light really didn't like to analyze just how fucked up he was—especially when he had L to do it for him); Ryuk just didn't seem the caring type and there were many days he missed Rem's quiet compassion (especially when they had to go home to visit Sachiko...) 

Light sighed and shook his head again—as long as they were happy... 

“Light-kun? 

Light startled when he realized that L was lingering too, watching him watch them. 

“What is it?” Light asked for the sake of politeness though he instantly knew by the manic gleam that was so rarely to see in those dark, tired eyes—a case had captured L’s interest. 

“I just checked my messages. There’s a new ritualistic serial murderer case! Shall we?” 

Light brightened immediately. 

“Let’s.”


End file.
